Listener Stories: Vol. 87
Stories:
1: I am a lava specialist! - Rae (She/her)
2: More green ghost sightings - Lauren (she/her)
3: My Estate Sale Dressers and a Stranger’s Sex Drawer - McKenna (She/her)
4: The Campus Stalker - Gabby (she/her)
5: An Odd Small Town to Grow Up In - Em (she/her)
6: Time travel??? Help please - Lilli (she/her)
7: Government Listener - Anonymous (they/them)
It's January and we'd like to welcome everyone to the Schiefer Schulz Manor! Wow, what an intro to the year we have in this batch of stories from you, dear listeners. Not only do we check in on Christine's trash pile du jour, but we hear from a volcano-ologist, a time traveling Toyota owner, and someone who worked on Project Blue Book! We also contemplate the benefits of gender neutral pronouns used for anonymity... and that's why we drink!
Transcript
[intro music]
Em Schulz: Bew, bew, bew, bew, bew. We made it to 2025. Bew, bew, bew, bew, bew.
Christine Schiefer: Aww. No, we didn't.
Em Schulz: 2024. God damn it. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: People listening in order were, shit, I accidentally skipped an entire year. Imagine if we just took the year off.
Em Schulz: Okay. Someone, Jack, can you edit it at all where I just say four instead of five? [static] Bew, bew, bew, bew, bew. We made it to 2024. Bew, bew, bew, bew, bew.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I'm literally so stupid. Well, whatever.
Christine Schiefer: I'm literally the dumbest person alive.
Em Schulz: Can you call me an idiot with a capital T? 'Cause I love it when you do it.
Christine Schiefer: Idiot.
Em Schulz: It hurts so good.
Christine Schiefer: It hurts me when I say it. It hurts me like viscerally to my core. [laughter] And I'm sorry. And I don't mean it.
Em Schulz: It makes me feels bad about myself, but I'm kind of all right, well, it's true. So...
Christine Schiefer: You'll say it again. I guess.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It is, and also, maybe show me your shoulders while you're in it. I don't know.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Welcome to 2024. Uh, we have made it here. I hope at least this episode has made it into existence.
Em Schulz: It's hit your ears.
Christine Schiefer: So you know what that's saying something. It's the first happy birthday Blaise tomorrow.
Em Schulz: Aw.
Christine Schiefer: Um, sorry once again that your birthday is just overshadowed by the holidays and New Year's and the hangovers that everyone has. Um, but happy birthday. I love you. And, um, I hope I did something sort of nice for you [laughter] today.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah. Y-You do. Is there, do you feel like brainstorming anything? He really... He likes Bourbon.
Christine Schiefer: It's just, it's just hard because like Christmas is such a big obviously to do. And then his birthday is exactly a week later and there's New Year's in between and we have a wedding to go to outta state. It's like, and then he's, he's the kind of person who's like, it's fine. Just don't worry about my birthday.
Em Schulz: That's nice. But also...
Christine Schiefer: Which is nice.
Em Schulz: I feel bad. I feel he was just, um, brought up to say that at the start.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Exactly. And he's the oldest, so it's like he's just kind of had to just live with that. And I'm like, no, no, no. I, I don't accept that. No.
Em Schulz: Do you ever just say like...
Christine Schiefer: I asked him a few times why he didn't have a better birthday and he didn't like that question, so I stopped asking.
Em Schulz: [laughter] Do you, do you ever, um, just say...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God, tomorrow's Katie, that's Katie's birthday too. I just looked at the calendar.
Em Schulz: Oh!
Christine Schiefer: Katie, who does a lot of behind this, basically, you know, helps steer the ship with Eva behind the scenes apparently has the same birthday. Sorry, Katie. Why don't you have a better birthday? Katie? [laughter] Why do you guys have such shitty birthdays? [laughter]
Em Schulz: I uh, I feel like, like could you hold off on Christmas gifts and then just give him double gifts one year or.
Christine Schiefer: So the fun part is I end up over, I always overdo it on Christmas gifts anyway, then I'm, oh, well then I'll just pick half of them...
Em Schulz: Hmm. Mm-Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: To wait a week. It feels like, but then the rest of the year it's, well, shit, you know I don't really have opportunities to gift until our anniversary in October.
Em Schulz: June people are the luckiest because every six months you get a bunch of presents.
Christine Schiefer: Agree. Half way.
Em Schulz: Every six months way.
Christine Schiefer: Halfway baby. And I still insist every December that it's my half birthday. So like I, I just don't let it, I don't drop it ever. Um.
Em Schulz: I had a great half birthday this year.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Allison really...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Did it up like a... It was like a week ago. Our half birthday. Happy.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-Hmm.
Em Schulz: Half birthday Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: It was a good time.
Christine Schiefer: We talked about briefly 'cause you insulted me very deeply and I said, well, I guess it's the day after my half birthday, so we're not celebrating me anymore. We're just talking about my many compulsions and ticks.
Em Schulz: That was a twist of the knife, wasn't it? Um.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, but happy birthday.
Em Schulz: Anyway. Our... So by the way, speaking of, uh, January 1st, even though we're very excited that it is a new year, currently as you hear this, we are in full blown fucking panic mode.
Christine Schiefer: Panic!
Em Schulz: Because we are 10 days away, 11 days away from going back on tour. Um, if you are in the US specifically, if you're in the Northeast, um, please go get tickets for our shows. This is the last opportunity you will have to see our On The Rocks tour before we come out is with our new tour.
Christine Schiefer: This is it. This is the end. Oh, oh, oh. And we're saying, Em keeps saying East Coast, but there are, we got Indianapolis. We have shows that are not on East Coast.
Em Schulz: Oh that's true.
Christine Schiefer: So if you're not on East Coast, please still look and see if we're coming to your town.
Em Schulz: Please still look.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's uh, it's heavily Northeast and I, I... So I really officially corner myself...
Christine Schiefer: It is. But we have Salt Lake, we have Denver, we have Indianapolis, we have Chicago, we have Detroit. We have half of them are not on the East coast. Em has just created a, a narrative where they're all on the East Coast.
Em Schulz: Yep.
Christine Schiefer: But come to them anyway. [laughter] Even if you live in Detroit and you're like, I don't live in New England, that's fine. But we are going to Salem. I mean, we're, this is gonna be the biggest like uh finale, hurrah of all time. I'm so fucking amped. We've sold out a few shows, but, um, some of them we have not quite sold out yet. Go check if we have tickets. We're also doing Minneapolis and Milwaukee, arguably the least East Coast states, cities that exist. You know check those out too. Come see us. It'll be a blast.
Em Schulz: The end.
Christine Schiefer: The end. Anway.
Em Schulz: Okay. Anyway, what are you drinking? What is your first drink of 2024 Christine?
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I mean, right now I just have, oh my God. Do you wanna see my side table real quick? My trash pile du jour. Here's the trash pile. It's just beverages. The trash pile of beverages. This is the most Christine thing ever. It's just... [laughter]
Em Schulz: Bitch, you have ADHD. Like that's literally...
Christine Schiefer: No, they're all empty and/or...
Em Schulz: That's ADHD. Go get a diagnosis. I can't stand you. That's literally...
Christine Schiefer: I can't stand myself either. That's fine. I just can't.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: It's just whom I'm.
Em Schulz: Well I also usually have my army of cups that I have. I literally have a whole Tupperware that I just leave in my room sometimes so that I can just put all my empty cups in.
Christine Schiefer: See. But that, I should have systems like that in place. That's so smart.
Em Schulz: It's because I've had ADHD, um, officially longer than you. Um so...
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: I've gamified it a little bit. But if you...
Christine Schiefer: Man.
Em Schulz: You just gotta have a doom box for every room.
Christine Schiefer: Send me your hacks.
Em Schulz: I'll try, but you might lose the list. I'll have to send it to you through the phone. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I will lose the list. Okay. Let's be real. Anyway.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: This is the episode where we read your stories that you sent in. Yes. Um, and Eva sent them to us via chat, not chat via text message. Um. And gave us an explanation. I think she feels like she has to explain herself every time she sends us stories. Um, which I think we probably make her feel like she has to do that.
Em Schulz: But we've instilled fear over the years.
Christine Schiefer: We have. Yeah. And I'm sorry about that. But Eva said that these are sort of like tangentially related to different things we've said in different episodes. In my mind, as soon as she said it, I pictured the Charlie Day, like red string web...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: As the theme for this episode. Like people said, oh, you mentioned this and here's my story. It's almost like we're just connecting them all in a deranged web.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Remote connections to our topics.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah. Or whatever we've discussed. I don't even know yet. But, um, we did not determine who goes first. Who do you wanna go first Em?
Em Schulz: Uh, I will.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Go for it.
Em Schulz: Okay. And uh, for those wondering, I'm drinking water as our very first, uh...
Christine Schiefer: Sorry I have ADHD. Okay. I don't have time to ask you what you're drinking. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Christine is drinking air out of her many empty cans and I am drinking...
Christine Schiefer: They're all empty. It's not even good. Like, it's not even helpful to have this many beverages 'cause there's nothing in them except mold.
Em Schulz: And I'm drinking water out of my, um, flower vase that I've turned into a cup. Um.
Christine Schiefer: That's beautiful actually.
Em Schulz: Thank you. I thought so too. I was like, she'd be a beautiful cup even though she's a vase.
Christine Schiefer: That's nice.
Em Schulz: And then I said, I'm gonna just drink out of her and anything's a glass if you want it to be.
Christine Schiefer: Well you're my little flower.
Em Schulz: Uh. She even has a little pitcher spout and it's perfect for my mouth. Just goes around... [laughter]..
Christine Schiefer: Do you pour it into [laughter] your mouth, you weirdo?
Em Schulz: Um, also this will be my first time saying it this year since I'm drinking water. Everybody except Christine, take a drink of water. Ya thirsty little rats.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm. I'd... I checked my beer, but that's empty too.
Em Schulz: Nothing, it's, I appreciate the effort, Christine. And by effort I mean you thinking about it so...
Christine Schiefer: The lack thereof yeah.
Em Schulz: All right, so let, I'm starting first this, I'm loving the title. "I am a lava specialist."
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh wait, I do recall shouting magma a lot at one point so I'm embarrassed.
Em Schulz: At some point. I remember, I remember asking for a lava specialist to just chime in.
Christine Schiefer: I... Yeah. I'm embarr... I'm embarrassed. Okay, go ahead [laughter]
Em Schulz: Like real quick though. Let's appreciate the fact that there is actually, I, I, I...
Christine Schiefer: Of course.
Em Schulz: I called in the troops. I said we need a lava specialist. And one of them heard my cries. We literally have a lava specialist like...
Christine Schiefer: That's by the way, honestly the biggest compliment ever.
Em Schulz: Like how lucky are... We have a lava specialist who listens. Okay. So she says...
Christine Schiefer: Like, why?
Em Schulz: That's what I'm saying. I'm like you're...
Christine Schiefer: So smart.
Em Schulz: You're so much smarter than this [laughter] Okay. Okay. This is from Rae who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. Rae says, uh, "Hello to all of us and I just listened to your latest podcast episode, episode 356. And I had to chime in as I am in a volcanology p..." Vulcan volcano ology PhD student.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Volcanology. Please tell me that's not right.
Em Schulz: It's real.
Christine Schiefer: Is it...
Em Schulz: Vol-volcanology.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Volcanology.
Em Schulz: I'm not that stupid.
Christine Schiefer: No, it's volcanology. Okay, but you said volcano, ology, [laughter]..
Em Schulz: Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I see. I see.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Just what made me laugh.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Volcano ology can't be right. [laughter], but volcanology sounds right.
Em Schulz: "I had to chime in as I'm a volcanology PhD student. I've been listening to your podcast since I was an undergrad back in 2017."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: Wow. You're an og.
Christine Schiefer: Could one say that we inspired you to become a volcano ology, PhD candidate? [laughter]
Em Schulz: Ist? [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: You've got me through all... "You've got me through all my studies and still continue to this day. So thank you for all that you do. And for the laughs in the goosecam." So, oh, this is the episode where I covered mirrors. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Right, right, right.
Em Schulz: "Volcanic glass, AKA obsidian is super quickly cooled lava Em got that right."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: I feel like at some point I'm gonna have not gotten something right.
Christine Schiefer: Gold star.
Em Schulz: "Um however you can manufacture clear glass, which we use today, much like we use today by using quartz because."
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: Oh. "And also sand has a lot of quartz in it. So if you heat up quartz to a very hot temperature and quickly cool it it won't re-crystallize into quartz and it will instead become glass."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: That makes sense.
Christine Schiefer: It does.
Em Schulz: I mean, I don't have a doctoral degree in volcanology, but so far I'm on it.
Christine Schiefer: You're only one degree away from it though.
Em Schulz: Technically, yes. I, I am only one degree from my PhD. That's true.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: "Sea glass are broken glass usually from people littering which is..."
Christine Schiefer: Okay. I called that.
Em Schulz: Yes. So Christine got that right. Look at this.
Christine Schiefer: Wow.
Em Schulz: "The broken glass is then tumbled by the sea naturally to make them frosty and rounded. And you can make your own by using a rock tumbler and any glass shards."
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: "Blue lava." Remember when we talked about blue lava?
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: "Blue lava isn't per se a thing. It is more that it is a fire from lava that is sulfur rich."
Christine Schiefer: Mmm.
Em Schulz: "The sulfur gas burns blue and the sulfur gas is ignited by the lava and boom blue fire. So you were both on the right track there. Overall you were both on the right track." [laughter] It sounds like there was something that you're kindly disregarding. Thank you.
Christine Schiefer: I feel like on the right track is the thing that teachers say when they're like, I really don't wanna fail you. Please, please step it up. [laughter]
Em Schulz: It's what, it's, you know that the next thing they say after you're on the right track is, but what... Gimme something else. What's more? I need more.
Christine Schiefer: But let's keep trying. [laughter] [laughter]
Em Schulz: "I have also thought of cute geology baby names and here are some of my favorites."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: Oh, we didn't ask for this, but, okay, I'll, I'm down.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Fucking bring it on.
Em Schulz: Um, well I'm gonna fuck up the first one, "Olivine, which is a green volcanic min mineral."
Christine Schiefer: Aw. Okay, love it.
Em Schulz: "Another green mineral Jade, obviously."
Christine Schiefer: Beautiful.
Em Schulz: Um, an "Aquamarine. It's aquamarine, but the mineral group is, uh, a crystal structure it's called Beryl."
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Wait.
Em Schulz: B-E-R-Y-L.
Christine Schiefer: Do you remember that one time I talked about someone named Beryl? And you were like, stop. Why do you keep saying this person's name is Beryl? And I was like, what do you mean? And you were like, you're saying Beryl, like it's a name. And I, but the, the disconnect was I was reading it as B-E-R-Y-L. So in my head it was sort of like Cheryl but Beryl.
Em Schulz: Uh-huh.
Christine Schiefer: But then, uh, of course you heard it as like a wine barrel or like a you know bourbon barrel. So you kept being like, why do you keep saying barrel so casually as if it's a name? [laughter] And we had a big, this was like a long time ago...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: But I remember every time I see the name Beryl, I'm like, oh my God. [laughter] Em thought I was just saying like the word barrel over and over and saying, no, no, that's his name. That's her name. Beryl.
Em Schulz: It, it totally makes sense now. Yep.
Christine Schiefer: But now I understand. I didn't know that was actually a geology name. So that's fun.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Also, Onyx is a very badass name.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, that's kickass.
Em Schulz: "Black Quartz. And then there's a coal type mineral, which umm, a baby name would be Jet." I like the name Jet. That's cool. Oh.
Christine Schiefer: That's definitely like a papa name. I feel like that's been more popular.
Em Schulz: And then this is my personal favorite. It's a lead mineral, but it is Galena. And Galena is a place that we both just heard about in another's episode, didn't we?
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God, you're right. I was like, haven't I been there before? No, I've only dreamed of it. [laughter] You and I wanna go to Galena. Isn't that in Illinois? I feel like we developed...
Em Schulz: I literally... Okay.
Christine Schiefer: A weird obsession with that place.
Em Schulz: After episode, after that episode, did I send you the Zillow link that I found? I think I had.
Christine Schiefer: I think you must have. Yes. You must have. Yes.
Em Schulz: It was a beautiful, beautiful home. Umm, right on the corner, right next to like Main Street.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, wait, no, maybe you didn't send me the Zillow. I don't think you did.
Em Schulz: Oh my God Christine.
Christine Schiefer: You got to... And if you did, you gotta resend it. 'cause I'm scrolling through...
Em Schulz: She's gotta be sold by now.
Christine Schiefer: I'm literally scrolling through our, our texts. Umm, there are multiple pictures of both of our feet. [laughter] I'm trying to find the Zillow link, and then I'm like, here's a picture of my bunion. And you said, this is a definition of a red light district because I... Blaise bought these light bulbs that turned red for his melatonin. I don't know. Fucking know. And so the picture's like.
Em Schulz: Sorry, keep going.
Christine Schiefer: The picture's just like my feet bathed in red light. Like this looks like if somebody didn't know us and saw these, they were like, they, these people have a weird, freaky relationship. But I was just trying to show you my bunion.
Em Schulz: Oh, yes, yes, yes. By the way, I just sent you the link again to the Galena house. Is she not beautiful?
Christine Schiefer: Oh, oh, oh. [gasp] Sorry that was loud.
Em Schulz: Is she not... She's breathtaking.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, Em.
Em Schulz: Like it's my house.
Christine Schiefer: Me.
Em Schulz: Like it's my house.
Christine Schiefer: Em this is like, if you took what I want in a house, what you want in a house, and then put it in a random town called Galena.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: With cobblestone. Let's not forget. It literally like...
Christine Schiefer: I mean.
Em Schulz: Is it not? It's everything. And like compared to LA I could buy like five of her. I could. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Isn't that, isn't that crazy? It's like the price alone is worth like...
Em Schulz: Like that's the Schulz-Forth Manor.
Christine Schiefer: Hey, wait.
Em Schulz: What?
Christine Schiefer: Can I have a guest room?
Em Schulz: Yes. Obviously there's like 10 rooms in this.
Christine Schiefer: Can it be the Schiefer-Schulz Manor? Schulz-Schiefer Manor.
Em Schulz: Uh, you can text Allison about that.
Christine Schiefer: What? Hey, you and I said we were moving here. I didn't even include Blaise in this conversation.
Em Schulz: Oh. Oh, then yes, of course. It's, well, hey, can, can it be Schulz-Schiefer? Because your name is Schiefer? It's Schiefer Schulz on our book. And I always have to ask, anytime I go to a store and I wanna buy a copy of "A Haunted Road Atlas," they ask who the author is. And I have to say Schiefer.
Christine Schiefer: Wait, are you serious?
Em Schulz: I can't even say my own name because they look up by the first author. So you're the main, you're the main author of our book.
Christine Schiefer: It's just alphabetical.
Em Schulz: I know, but so can I have, can I have Schulz-Schiefer for this? I found the house.
Christine Schiefer: You can have whatever you want. You said it's Schulz-Forth, so I'm already just sad that I'm not included. I thought this was like a you and me thing, but I guess I'll visit if you and Allison move there.
Em Schulz: I mean, at Schulz-Forth when I was actually for a second thinking about getting it, I was like, that's too good of a deal.
Christine Schiefer: I'm dead serious. I thought, I thought, I thought when you said I sent you a Zillow link, that that meant, you know, but I get it. It's fine I'll uh, I'll slink away.
Em Schulz: If you wanna uproot your family to Indiana or Illinois or wherever it is. Let's go.
Christine Schiefer: Is that what you were doing?
Em Schulz: I did have, there was a 24 hour period where I was like, I could just do it. Like, what's the thing you always say? You're, you're like, nothing matters.
Christine Schiefer: Nothing matters.
Em Schulz: Let's just, let's just go, let's just do it.
Christine Schiefer: Like, literally one time I said to Blaise, actually this was probably a few weeks ago. I was like, what if we just moved somewhere really random? And he's like, I think about that a lot. [laughter] I was like, whoa! I was like, what If we just...
Em Schulz: Well, I think I found your house. This is the Schiefer-Lampugnale manor right there.
Christine Schiefer: No, no, no. For real though. The Schlampugnale. Thank you. [laughter] Umm, no, no. Every now and then, sorry. I was just still in my own like fantasy world where you and I had like a retreat where we met and did haunted things together. I think I was still in that mindset. So I ha... I just have to recalibrate my view of Galena.
Em Schulz: See, I think I don't ever think about...
Christine Schiefer: I don't know if you had told Allison about it. I'll tell Blaise. We'll all four be excited about it together.
Em Schulz: I don't think about our, umm, our fantasy house as anywhere other than the Conjuring house though. Because remember we were like, should we get it?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, but that's like a million and a half dollars and everyone's obsessed with it. This is like its own retreat away from everything. You know...
Em Schulz: The home away from home. I see.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Okay. I'm down with that. Let do that.
Christine Schiefer: But, but you found it so you're, but you're right. You found it. I'm not, I'm not invading your, this is, it's a beautiful home and maybe I'll find one down the street. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah. Maybe you'll just move into the attic and I won't allow it.
Em Schulz: Yeah. [laughter] You'll live Spiderman it up in the attic. You'll never know. You'll never know. Actually that's way more fun. I'll do that.
Christine Schiefer: Forget it.
Em Schulz: Anyway. There's a very...
Christine Schiefer: I'm not going wink.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Oh, I'm going wink. Let's do it. But I will say...
Christine Schiefer: I'm not going wink, I'll be in the attic and you'll never know.
Em Schulz: Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'll be surprised. I'll be surprised. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Anyway, so that's what we're gonna name our baby, right? Galena?
Em Schulz: Galena. We would have to. [laughter] Umm, and it's, that's Chremit's little sister Galena.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. [laughter] Chremit and Galena. That's beautiful.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Can you imagine if we're walking down the street, someone's like, what are their names? Like which would they... Wonder about more?
Em Schulz: Schlampugnale. Chremit.
Christine Schiefer: Chremit and Galena Schlampugnale.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Schulzforth-Schlampugnale.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Okay. Well, Rae is like, never mind. I just like volcanoes. I don't know how we got here.
Christine Schiefer: Rae was like, I listened to this episode through all your wrong facts about volcanoes, but this is too far and I'm done. Umm.
Em Schulz: Anyway, thank you Rae. That was that was lovely. You really sent us on quite a tangent there.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you so much. Umm, okay, let me find mine. Oh my God. Wait, sorry. So I just got onto the, I clicked the first one that you just read and I scrolled to the bottom and it says, much love and rock on.
Em Schulz: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: And then there's a volcano emoji [laughter] I love it.
Em Schulz: I hope that that's like on your dating profile. Like I hope geology, rocks...
Christine Schiefer: Right? Do you even need a dating profile 'cause you've already... Yeah. Found your soulmate 'cause I mean, wow. You're on it. You're fucking on it. So next is mine. Let's see.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: More green ghost sightings. This is from Lauren. She/her, and it says, "Hello. I was listening to your volume 86 listener episode and knew it was time to write in about a story I've been holding onto for a while. During that episode, someone wrote in about a lime green entity visiting them in the middle of the night."
Em Schulz: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: Remember?
Em Schulz: Oh, yes. Yes yes.
Christine Schiefer: I think it was a priest or whatever.
Em Schulz: Oh, it was, it was something, something religious. I think he was a priest.
Christine Schiefer: And he like... He like climbed in the bed. Ugh.
Em Schulz: Firm pass.
Christine Schiefer: "You both said you'd never heard of a lime green ghost. But I have. My sister and her family moved into a home where her kids' rooms were in the downstairs area. Her oldest son's room always had a terrible smell and they hired several renovation specialists to come in and see if they could figure out the source of the smell. They finally determined that the dozens of mice had been getting trapped..."
Em Schulz: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: "In the wall and dying there."
Em Schulz: Bye.
Christine Schiefer: "They took, ooh, measures to remove the dead mice and repair the wall. Shortly after my nephew started to claim he would not sleep down there any longer because of the green monkey that continued to appear in his room."
Em Schulz: Green monkey. First of all, this is like, so Family Guy coded because the son is scared to sleep in a room because of an evil monkey in his room.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah. Does your son watch Family Guy?
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Does he also watch Ghostbusters? Because the only green ghost I've ever heard of is Slimer. So...
Christine Schiefer: Also, does anyone watch Family Guy? Anybody out there?
Em Schulz: I do.
Christine Schiefer: Ever...
Em Schulz: I used to.
Christine Schiefer: Em does. Em used to. I mean, a lot of us used to. I just don't know if that's still relevant for children nowadays. You know.
Em Schulz: Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Christine Schiefer: "He would be in such hysterics over it that my sister finally made her upstairs office into his new bedroom." Poor thing. "Fast forward a few years and we were over at their house. My son kept begging me to go downstairs and watch him play. I asked why he needed me down there with him and he replied that." Oh my God. Sorry.
Em Schulz: What?
Christine Schiefer: So, just to clarify, like just a little, little summation here, the nephew, so Lauren, her nephew, is the one who was too scared to sleep in the room because...
Em Schulz: Uh-huh.
Christine Schiefer: Of the green monkey, right?
Em Schulz: Sure.
Christine Schiefer: She's over now with her own son.
Em Schulz: Ooh.
Christine Schiefer: And her own son says, can you come with me to go play in that room? And she says, why do you need me to come in to go play with you or watch you play? "And he says, 'The Grinch is down there.'"
Em Schulz: [gasp] [gasp] Oh my God. Oh my God. So that's two children confirming they're seeing the same thing. Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: A green ghost.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: "To my knowledge, my son never knew about my nephew seeing a green monkey several years before. This Coupled with some other strange happenings at the house, such as her bathtub randomly turning the faucet on by itself has got me convinced that the green monkey, my nephew saw was more than just a figment of his imagination." That is creepy to hear two separate children like hear...
Em Schulz: Oh there's nothing worse.
Christine Schiefer: Like see something similar, but describe it slightly differently.
Em Schulz: The double confirmation is...
Christine Schiefer: It's too specific.
Em Schulz: From two children who like, like they have no reason to say to not, they wouldn't even know how to like make up a story and like, and have two different ways of describing the same thing sound so accurate and Oh...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah the odds of that.
Em Schulz: Oh, that's... I hate that. Do you think he walks around like the Grinch or do you think he just stands there with his like potbelly out?
Christine Schiefer: Well, I just imagine he's green.
Em Schulz: Yeah, but he's gotta be tall. If he's the Grinch, he's gotta be tall.
Christine Schiefer: A tall monkey? Maybe.
Em Schulz: I wonder if it was like actually a monkey or if it was like something green that like climbed around.
Christine Schiefer: Mmm.
Em Schulz: Or jumped like around the ceiling like a monkey, you know?
Christine Schiefer: Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Em Schulz: Which, like, now I'm imagining the Grinch doing like acrobatics or something.
Christine Schiefer: Me too. Like parkour.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Um, I, okay. Also, I've heard some theories on Jim Herald's Campfire and elsewhere that, and I think Astonishing Legends that some people believe that children see things in a way or, or spirits or, or extraterrestrials can present themselves in a way that they think a child will sort of understand it. Right?
Em Schulz: Uh-huh.
Christine Schiefer: Right? So like...
Em Schulz: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: They'll see like a clown or something thinking like children like clowns, you know, like totally disregarding...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Like that's fucking terrifying to see a clown in your bedroom. But like.
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: It. It, it might present itself as something it thinks is like disarming to the child. Like...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: I'm a monkey. Like, wait, no, that's not normal. You're not tricking the child into thinking you're supposed to be there.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: So maybe it's like presenting differently to different children. I don't know.
Em Schulz: I, well, so that gives, I feel like this is one of those things where if like we were both high, we would have a really good conversation about this.
Christine Schiefer: Oh. I mean, I could be.
Em Schulz: Right now, I don't know.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: You want me to.
Em Schulz: Kind of.
Christine Schiefer: No. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Would, would it be, would it be so fast acting that by the end of the sentence, you've got something really insightful to say?
Christine Schiefer: Unfortunately not.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I feel like...
Christine Schiefer: My Delta 8 gummies take about an hour to kick in. So.
Em Schulz: 'Cause if we're talking about like, oh, like what if, uh, this thing was trying to be somewhat comforting or more approachable to a kid, I would... My first thought would be that this thing can know the inner workings of each individual person and know what's a safe thing for them. And it would show up as a different thing for each person. But this story makes it sound like I only know green kind of silly moving.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: That...
Christine Schiefer: He's like...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: He's like.
Em Schulz: Like you know.
Christine Schiefer: I am, I can't change the green thing. Okay.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I'm an amateur at this. Like, it's gotta be green. I'm sorry. Even if it's a monkey, even if it's like a cute little kitty cat, it's gonna be green.
Em Schulz: Well, I imagine like. I'm trying to think of the similarities between the Grinch and a monkey and like, they're both kind of like...
Christine Schiefer: Furry.
Em Schulz: They're very furry. They've got like long limbs. They're lanky, kind of.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Or, and they move about in like silly ways. So like, I feel like this thing isn't trying to cater to everybody's needs. It like, just has a look.
Christine Schiefer: I agree. You're probably right because I.
Em Schulz: You know?
Christine Schiefer: I agree with you because I feel like especially two little kids who don't totally understand like...
Em Schulz: They haven't spoken to each other about it.
Christine Schiefer: Right, right. And like a, a monkey and a Grinch, I mean, yeah, they're different, but like two little kids, we don't know how old they are, but say you're like, I mean, I don't know my sis my daughter's two and she'd probably say something looks like a monkey that doesn't, you know, so.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe that's just their understanding as children.
Em Schulz: Which.
Christine Schiefer: Of like, that's the Grinch 'cause it's green and furry and that's the end of it...
Em Schulz: Which also like what the fuck kind of creature is out there supernaturally.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah, by the way, what the fuck is that?
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's like, it's like, I'm sorry, but I have really gotten myself to think that the most ridiculous thing a ghost could look like is like it has sheets. A sheet over it.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Like that's like a, I'm not prepared. Like if we were at like the Queen Mary and a fucking...
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: Green furry monkey came in that's it for me.
Christine Schiefer: Well to be honest, even the sheet, I don't think of, like, I just think of like old timey dress lady in white. Like, I'm like.
Em Schulz: Yes!
Christine Schiefer: If I see a ghost, it'll be an old lady, old timey lady in white. That's its...
Em Schulz: Or like worst case scenario, it's a demon and it's like a full dark black cloud or something. But I am...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, a shadow.
Em Schulz: I, I've prepared for many things, but I have not prepared for the Grinch. Like, I...
Christine Schiefer: Not yet.
Em Schulz: Don't know, I don't know what to do with that. [laughter] I don't know what to do that.
Christine Schiefer: Uh to be honest, I've spent my whole life preparing for the Grinch 'cause it is my favorite [laughter] Christmas movie of all time. And no, not the new ones, the original like 30 minute animated.
Em Schulz: The cartoon. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Very cool.
Christine Schiefer: I'm obsessed.
Em Schulz: I like the Jim Carrey one. I think it's one of the only ones where both the original and the reboot are both good separately.
Christine Schiefer: I just like can't, I don't, I don't like it, but I think it's 'cause I'm so emotionally connected to the first one that I was like, I just can't...
Em Schulz: Are you a Jim Carey fan? I feel like he's a polarizing man.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I mean, I don't dislike him but I'm not like super.
Em Schulz: He had a real era.
Christine Schiefer: I like him. I like, I find him funny. I just, to me I was like, it doesn't work for me as the Grinch. You know, like it's a different.
Em Schulz: Mmm.
Christine Schiefer: I-I just had a very specific, like Grinch concept.
Em Schulz: If it helps, if it helps. He also really hated the Grinch because apparently he like had to like, go to like military training to learn how to, umm, like meditate in really stressful situations because he would get so overstimulated by like the eight hour makeup they had to do on his face. And he felt suffocated. So he had to like...
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: Go do like, some sort of like marine core training for heavy breathing.
Christine Schiefer: He'd get makeup put on. Imagine other Marines are like, oh, why are you doing this? He's like, well, 'cause they're gonna put a lot of makeup on me on stage.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I guess so. But I also know what it's like to feel claustrophobic in your own skin.
Christine Schiefer: No no no. I, I'm not, I'm not blaming him.
Em Schulz: But yes, I and I'm sure there's a marine out there who's like, what a Sally or whatever they say. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: What a Sally. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, Jim more like Kim. [laughter] More like just Carrie. Am I right? [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: That's good.
Em Schulz: Okay. That was good. That was good. We did good. We could just sign off now. I think. Let's hang up.
Christine Schiefer: I think that's a yes. Goodbye.
Em Schulz: All right, we got a third story. Uh, this is from, let's see, this is from McKenna who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the title really gets me cooking "My Estate Sale Dressers," which already hooks Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Uh-oh, uh-oh.
Em Schulz: "And a Stranger's Sex Drawer," which also intrigues Christine...
Christine Schiefer: Shut up. Oh-oh. Oh-oh. Oh-oh.
Em Schulz: Okay, here we go. It starts out hot with, "Screaming into the void, hoping that this email is seen." [laughter] Well done. McKenna says, "Okay, so hearing Christine's experience with her vintage dressers made me instantly start typing. So in the summer of 2002, my now husband and I bought a house. The same summer parents got really into estate sales as the middle-aged Midwesterners they are, so, uh, one day at a sale, they found a really nice vintage dresser set. It was a good deal. So I told them to make the purchase. They then hauled them to their garage for safekeeping before our big move. Uh, so I start, so I start to clean them up in hopes of getting rid of that antique old smell that we all know and love."
Christine Schiefer: Mmm.
Em Schulz: "Cleaning them includes removing the retro floral contact paper picture..."
Christine Schiefer: Love it.
Em Schulz: "'70s orange, and green florals from the bottom of the drawers. The contact paper on some of the drawers has actually been adhered to the drawer while others just were laid in with the backing still on. So I'm taking the ones out that weren't stuck. When I find a folded slip of paper underneath them."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] My dream.
Em Schulz: Expecting... What's that?
Christine Schiefer: My dream. My dream to find like a...
Em Schulz: Oh, totally, totally.
Christine Schiefer: Secret note.
Em Schulz: Again. It's the beginning of a movie.
Christine Schiefer: It is.
Em Schulz: "Expecting some kind of religious reading. I was surprised to see the words coital posture diagrams." [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Okay. Girl.
Em Schulz: Girl. Hi Barbie. Okay. Umm, "my jaw's on the floor of my parents' garage now because I'm cleaning this with my mom, I awkwardly laugh and say, what the fuck? My mom looks over and takes it from me and opens it up. She looks it over and goes, well, now I feel weird giving these dressers to you and Kyle as an engagement gift. [laughter] She hands me the paper and it's covered in some of the, dare I say, most vanilla sex positions known to woman."
Christine Schiefer: Aw.
Em Schulz: "And the kicker for me, however, is that on the front it says to be dispensed at discretion of doctor." Gross.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Okay. So it's basically a woman who's like getting married and they're like, Hey, you don't know what sex is because we live in a really fucked up world.
Em Schulz: Because purity culture is suffocating.
Christine Schiefer: Uh so yeah. So here, this is all you need to know. A prescription pamphlet.
Em Schulz: Of like, like doctor's orders. Finally, you can know what sex looks like. Ooh.
Christine Schiefer: That's so fucked up. Okay.
Em Schulz: "Besides looking at sex diagrams with my mom, nothing awful, right? Wrong. My mom opens another drawer and finds..."
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: "A professional headshot of the lovely couple themselves. So not only did I have to think of sex life of the old couple, I, I just got these dispensers or these dressers from, but now I know that they looked like this and there's an attached photo."
Christine Schiefer: Oh it's like, don't be shy. Don't be shy. Send me a photo.
Em Schulz: It's, uh, "don't worry, it's folded in the picture. But if you look hard enough, you can, uh, imagine what I was seeing. I love the show so much, every time I listen, I feel like world friends catching up, but not in a creepy, lonely way." Thank you for, for telling us that.
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: Uh, there is a picture attached. Umm.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Is it in the email? Like on the...
Em Schulz: It's in the email. They look like a lovely couple.
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Oh my God. Wait, okay. I was picturing like Victorian era, like my black and white photos. This is like a modern, not modern day, but like, maybe '90s.
Em Schulz: Maybe '90s but also they are an older couple so maybe this was in the '30s or '40s.
Christine Schiefer: Exactly.
Em Schulz: That they...
Christine Schiefer: So it's.
Em Schulz: No not '30s, like '40s and '50s that they were given...
Christine Schiefer: Totally like they...
Em Schulz: A pamphlet by a doctor. Yikes.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. They must have gotten that like when they first got married. They're definitely an older couple in this. But I mean, it looks like your friendly, like retired Florida couple, you know?
Em Schulz: Like. She makes a, she makes a killer cookie, you know?
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God, they're really cute. Older couple. They look like your average grandparents. So it is weird to see coital posture diagram supplement for use by physicians in marriage counseling. Oh my God, this is crazy. Wow. This is crazy. What I... Obviously.
Em Schulz: I hope over the years they got freakier. I hope like they earned that. You know.
Christine Schiefer: They earned that. They started off hot. They're like, first of all, doc, give it to us straight. How do we do the basics? Then we'll figure it out from there.
Em Schulz: By the, by the end of the honeymoon, we will have it nailed down. Don't even worry.
Christine Schiefer: We will be on our way. [laughter] And I'm so sorry to whomever sent this, uh, what's their name again? McKenna?
Em Schulz: Uh, McKenna.
Christine Schiefer: Sorry that I just, we keep making it worse by talking about how freaky they got, umm, [laughter] But you know what...
Em Schulz: Hah! You know what? They've lived a long life and I think that pamphlet probably was old news by like week one. So.
Christine Schiefer: I'm happy for them, you know?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: They look hap... They look content.
Em Schulz: They look like they figured it out. So...
Christine Schiefer: They look like, they're having a good marriage even in their older years.
Em Schulz: They're having a good life together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy. Because that really is like a direct parallel to me in my weird haunted old drawer with... Well, to be fair, I just put a bunch of nipple cream in it that arrived at my house unprompted, so.
Em Schulz: Oh, right. I forgot about the nipple cream, by the way...
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: As, again, as someone who is, umm, not, I probably would've stuck with the pamphlet, let's just say that. Umm, but... [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, that's the extent you're like, this is a little extreme. [laughter]
Em Schulz: It's like, whoa! Umm, so as, as you said, the nipple cream, we, a while ago, we both got, you know, umm, a care package from a company that was a little more X-rated than I'm personally used to [laughter] I have friends at home, like in a bidding war with each other for the stuff that I got so.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. It's great.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, it's, it's great. They sent...
Em Schulz: Good for you. Good to know.
Christine Schiefer: Well, okay. I won't go any further, but they...
Em Schulz: Heyo.
Christine Schiefer: But they, they really sent like such an array of stuff where it was like, man, like there's something for everyone.
Em Schulz: Yeah. For any type of interest. And I've got friends with...
Christine Schiefer: Like you could hand them out to multiple different partners, relationships, you know.
Em Schulz: And I've got friends with expansive interests, and, uh, they are...
Christine Schiefer: You sure do. [laughter]
Em Schulz: They are itching for, for the, the leftovers. So, umm, anyway, thank you for, I'm glad, glad we got a seal of approval from Christine and probably her shoulders. So... [laughter]
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: No. No. Listen, I'm just trying to give them, I just was so like, I don't know. I just, the company is called Fun Love, and they sent us this beautiful gift basket, even though I didn't quite know what, what I was getting into when I first opened it with Leona. But the, she even got a kick out of the little, they sent little disco balls that we hung up on the tree as ornaments.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my gosh. Anyway, umm, just a little shout out. But yeah, so listen, some of us have sex drawers, some are intentional. Uh, some like mine are not intentional, but here we are.
Em Schulz: You know, I, I went to, umm, the Museum of Sex with my mother.
Christine Schiefer: How cool.
Em Schulz: Because that's the relationship we have. And, uh, and not only that, I mean, we, I went there where I learned a little bit, but there's also somewhere, someone's gonna shout it out at some point, but somewhere is, umm, the museum of like vibrators or something. And it's the vibra, the vibrators from the 1800s girl.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: Crazy. Like, it was like they were taking like, the mechanism of a pencil sharpener and like putting a corn cob on it. Like, it was like they were doing whatever they could.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, what my God.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: They made it work. I'll tell you. Umm, so I believe people...
Christine Schiefer: We'll find a way, humans find a way, you know.
Em Schulz: They sure do. We've all been, you know, at least most of us, I don't wanna.
Christine Schiefer: I know where you're going. I know where you're going and yes.
Em Schulz: We're all into something. We're all into something.
Christine Schiefer: We're all on a journey. Okay?
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: And all the asexual people are like, Nope. We're not. And I'm like good for you.
Em Schulz: They're into something too. They're into nothing. No. I don't [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: They're into, they're into of looking at us and going, okay, you guys do you.
Em Schulz: I like to think you, I like to think the asexual people are at least into listening to us talk about it. I don't know. I...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, I hope so 'cause otherwise they're like, what the fuck? Okay, so I have a story here. This is from Gabby. She/her, and it's called "The Campus Stalker." Oh dear.
Em Schulz: Good. Great.
Christine Schiefer: "Hello to all of the wonderful folks in your crew. I started listening to the podcast at a random point a while back, but I've recently gone way back to the beginning and I'm now re-listening to the chunk of episodes I had started out with. I've caught back up to episode 305, where Christine covers the case of stalking Laura Black."
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "And it reminded me of the stalker I had in college and how dismissive the campus and law enforcement were."
Em Schulz: Whew.
Christine Schiefer: I began, as some people might know, stalking stories are one of my most frightening to me.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "I began my freshman year of college in 2017. I lived in on-campus apartments, and this will be relevant later. These were a short walk away from our rec center/gym and student union building. So this whole story begins in January of 2018. I just returned back to campus after Christmas break with a new class schedule, and two of those classes were across the campus from my apartment. "I had a large break in between the two. So after my first one, I would sit in that building and catch up on schoolwork. One day I was studying away when this guy came up to me, he stood there for a moment before I even noticed him, because I had my earbuds in. I took them out and he said, 'Hi, you are really pretty.'"
Em Schulz: Uhhh.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, he was not, uh, "he was not my type whatsoever. So I just said, 'Thanks.' He then asked what my name was and what class I was studying for. I told him I was studying for my speech class, and I put my earbuds back in to hint to him that I wasn't interested in talking. He tried to continue asking who the professor was," no means no, and also putting your earbuds in means No, just saying.
Em Schulz: If it's not an enthusiastic yes, it's a no. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: That's it. That's it.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Nailed it. "I told him who it was and then said that I needed to get to work because my next class was starting in an hour. He finally got the hint to stop talking to me, but proceeded to sit about five feet away and just stare at me."
Em Schulz: Uh!
Christine Schiefer: And this is when sometimes men will say like, well, then why don't you just come out and say it? And it's like, you know what? Because sometimes you come out and say it and then...
Em Schulz: They kill you.
Christine Schiefer: They get mad. Yeah, exactly. Like what? Okay. Anyway, you know it's a story for another day.
Em Schulz: When men's biggest fear is being laughed at. Men's, women's biggest fear is being killed so...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Uh. Sorry. We don't feel like rejecting someone who is going to... Who already has the size power over me.
Christine Schiefer: And who already has not gotten any social cues that you're not interested.
Em Schulz: And has the privilege of most likely getting away with it compared to our story.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, pr-precisely. "I then realized I probably shouldn't have said, my next class was in an hour." And it like sucks. 'Cause it's like now, you know...
Em Schulz: Now he's gonna follow you and.
Christine Schiefer: Well now she thinks it's her fault. Like, "Oh shit, I shouldn't have said that." And now it's all the problem on you, but like of course it's not your fault. "I realized I probably shouldn't have said my next class was in an hour because I felt like if I left right then he would know it was because of him and not because I actually had a class to go to, which really shouldn't matter looking back on it. But I still felt the pressure of being polite for some reason."
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, because everyone in this situation does. "I ended up texting one of my friends and told her to call me and ask me to come over for an emergency. She did and I got out of there. Fast forward to about a week later and I was walking to my apartment after class. It was a little bit late in the day, so there weren't very many people around. I saw this same dude standing outside of our student union building. I made eye contact with him and he promptly began following me. I sped up my pace and he did the same. I called my boyfriend and told him what was going on and to stay on the phone with me until I could get somewhere I felt safe. I didn't wanna walk up to my apartment because then he'd know where I lived. So I walked straight to my car and began driving away from campus. It was weird though because the guy followed me all the way up to the stop sign in front of my apartment building, but not any further."
Em Schulz: Ew. He's so quickly escalating.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. What the fuck? Like chill. "Fast forward again. A few days after this, I was walking from my apartment to the rec center. I saw this guy again walking on the same sidewalk, the opposite direction. I turned and hid behind a bush, walking him walk in the direction toward my apartment. I texted my roommates who knew about the situation and told them to look outside. They texted me back saying that he was standing at that same stop sign staring up at our building."
Em Schulz: Ugh.
Christine Schiefer: "I knew at that point that this matter should probably be taken to the police. That night I drove to the campus police station to file a report. I said to the officer, I just need to file a report about a stalker. He said, 'Is his name Paul?'"
Em Schulz: [gasp] Whoever Paul is...
Christine Schiefer: Hello?
Em Schulz: Even if that isn't his name.
Christine Schiefer: Even if it's not Paul, I'd be like Yes...
Em Schulz: I'd be like yeah let's get a restraining order on Paul just in case.
Christine Schiefer: Let's handle Paul also while we're at it.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Whoever the fuck Paul is. I responded, yes. Okay. So she did know his name was Paul.
Em Schulz: Oh, oh, oh, okay.
Christine Schiefer: "I responded, 'Yes. How did you know?' He showed me a photo of the guy and said I was the eighth person to report him and the second person to report him that day."
Em Schulz: Oh my God. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: "I asked why in the world is he still walking around on campus with this many reports against him? And the officer said there wasn't much they could do about stalking, but they've banned him from every building he doesn't have a class in and any on campus housing. So that's why he stopped at the stop sign outside of my own housing."
Em Schulz: Oh my God. Okay. Well he's listening to the rules.
Christine Schiefer: I get. I was like. Right. He's following the rules technically. "He just said they'd add my report to the file. I am lucky enough to have a father that works in law enforcement, so he knows the ins and outs to the system. I called him and told him everything and he was livid. He called the campus police, city police and told them he would escalate even further. He further called a few other people too, but I have no clue how the system works. He told me to contact a local news station. So I did. I talked to a news reporter about what was going on and she said she was going to investigate. Another week or two later, campus officials contacted me with a list of the buildings that Paul was banned from and advised me to avoid any others that I didn't have a class in. They also referred me to speak with the counselors on campus. I forwarded everything to the journalist, LOL."
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: "I also posted on our school Facebook page that if any other victims wanted to speak to the journalist to let me know and I'd send over the information." Yes!
Em Schulz: Good girl.
Christine Schiefer: Yes! Yes! Yes! "I had 10 plus women reach out to me that they had been harassed by this guy as well. Finally, the news article was published. I got an email within a few hours that Paul was banned from campus and would have a hearing that would determine whether he could be a student there or not. In the meantime, my dad has been using his law enforcement access to records and found out that this guy has been kicked out of multiple other schools, had a domestic violence charge, and his parents had donated a lot of money to our school."
Em Schulz: Ah, ha ha.
Christine Schiefer: Uh-huh. "Before the hearing, I had to meet with another campus team and recount everything as well as provide any sort of proof I had. Luckily I still had my phone records that showed the calls to my friend, parents and boyfriend as well as all the texts I'd sent about him. The hearing happens and he was finally fully banned. He was no longer a student at this school and had to leave immediately. My dad found out that as he was walking away from the campus, they had an unmarked police car following him to make sure he actually left."
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "Apparently he went up to a girl walking her dog asked for her number and she declined."
Em Schulz: Good.
Christine Schiefer: "As she continued to walk, he began chasing her down the sidewalk."
Em Schulz: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: Thank God this police car is following him.
Em Schulz: Yes. And also like now that he doesn't have to follow school rules, technically I'd be terrified that he would leave, he would go past the stop sign and follow you into your house now.
Christine Schiefer: Right now he is like, well, fuck it. Now I can do what I want.
Em Schulz: Ugh. Okay. So he is chasing her down the sidewalk.
Christine Schiefer: Huh, Yes, um, "the police car lit him up and he was arrested. I can't find any other info about where he is at now. And the original news report has been taken down from the website plus after the hearing, I remember a few other articles getting published about him even searching his name comes up empty. I have a feeling his rich parents got it all taken down."
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "But I was able to find one of the news reports with another victim on the way back machine website." Oh, I was about to say, girl, you gotta get on the way back machine. [laughter] Obviously you have. Smart girl. "I will drop it below. Anyways, apologies for this being so long, but I think it is important for more people to see the reality of stalking cases. Eight reports had been filed against this guy when I went to the police and who knows how many went unreported or were or were reported after my own. It is astounding how few consequences this guy had until it went to the news and gave the campus bad publicity."
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "It terrifies me to think of the cases where there isn't an institution to publicly shame. Thank you for your time and patience and for everything you all do." And then there's a link to the article that I will be checking out later.
Em Schulz: Wow.
Christine Schiefer: Wowzer.
Em Schulz: Round of applause too. If we all fucking...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Gabby and your dad like, kick ass. You know.
Em Schulz: If we've learned anything today, it's that if you are at school and dealing with a stalker, you go not to the police, maybe to the police, but you go to a female journalist, that's what you do.
Christine Schiefer: Well, you report it, first of all, to everybody to say, I reported it. If nothing happens. 'cause a lot of schools are getting better. I will say not as maybe as well as they should be. But at least you know there might be a recourse available. And at least get it on the record that you've reported this shit, right?
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Report it. If nothing happens, then fucking bring out the big guns. Call us. I don't know. We'll, we'll fucking...
Em Schulz: Call a woman.
Christine Schiefer: Woman or the guy.
Em Schulz: Call a woman. A woman will fix it. Don't worry.
Christine Schiefer: A woman will handle it.
Em Schulz: Um, Okay. Thank you so much. The next story is from another.
Christine Schiefer: Or call your dad. I feel like a lot of times a dad is like, fuck no. You know, cause like they're men and they're like, no, I'll handle it. I can get shit done. And it's like, okay, well fine. Use your powers for good, you know?
Em Schulz: See something, say something.
Christine Schiefer: If you have the power of, of a man, an adult man, you might as well use it for good.
Em Schulz: Or a woman. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Well, a woman is probably gonna use it for good, but I'm saying if you have a man with power and he's on your side, then fucking rope them into.
Em Schulz: All right. The next story comes from another Em who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the subject line is "An Odd Small Town to Grow Up In." As long as it's not Galena I am excited. [chuckle] Um, the story says, uh, "Hi to everybody, and then says, I've been listening to you guys since about 2019 and expanded to listening Beach Too Sandy this year too."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Yay.
Em Schulz: "And you guys are helping me get through Oh, COVID lockdown and uh-huh, more recently my hour plus commute to work. Now to why I am writing to you. I was listening to episode 355 and after hearing Christine's portion, which was the DeFeo family murders, I felt like now was the time for my first write-in."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "Like Christine, I'm also a former Catholic school kid, and I went to the local Catholic elementary school in Amityville, New York."
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: "From kindergarten to eighth grade. One thing to know about Amityville is that it's the type of small town that no one ever leaves and everyone knows everyone else's business. Growing up, many of my classmates and friend's parents had also grown up there and had been around the same ages as the DeFeo children."
Christine Schiefer: Mmm.
Em Schulz: "So we all were told about the tragedy that had happened at an early-ish age, but we also learned that the story that the Lutz family gave was something to not joke around about as it was disrespectful to the memory of the DeFeo family."
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: "I was in eighth grade when the 2005 movie came out, and I remember the teachers at school sitting us all down to talk about the murders versus what would be in the movie." How wild is that your teachers can like, give you their own personal lecture?
Christine Schiefer: It's like so close to home. Yeah.
Em Schulz: "It was fairly common to be walking around or riding bikes with friends on the weekends or during the summer and then suddenly have a car pull up to you and ask for directions to the house."
Christine Schiefer: Oh, of course.
Em Schulz: Oh, 'cause it's of course you live in a famous town now.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: "Most people would give nonsense directions." God.
Christine Schiefer: I was gonna say, I would try to give nonsense directions and then people would be like, Christine, you led them straight there. Like, my sense direction is so bad. I'd be like, it's that way, [chuckle] fool them. And it would be exactly that way.
Em Schulz: "Most people would give nonsense directions hoping the people in the car would get helplessly lost, though some people would see how much money they could make taking them directly to the house."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] For a fee.
Em Schulz:" Someone I know made made close to $500 one summer." Huh, Oh my God. You know what...
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck? It's a side hustle baby.
Em Schulz: If you can't beat 'em, join them. So...
Christine Schiefer: I guess so.
Em Schulz: "But you also got people who, well, I'll be nice and say they weren't in the best state of mind," and which that makes so much sense. I've never even considered that, that like, yeah. Okay. Uh, "a guy in his 30s almost beat up a younger sibling of mine when that sibling was about 12 because the house wasn't the one he thought it was, it was a regular private residence versus an attraction like he thought." So basically...
Christine Schiefer: Wait, what?
Em Schulz: He thought he, he thought he could go like on a tour of this place. He didn't know he could only just stand outside and look at the house.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, but why did the sibling get beaten up?
Em Schulz: Because I think the sibling took him there to see the, to see the house.
Christine Schiefer: Ohhh.
Em Schulz: And the guy felt misled thinking like, oh, it's gonna be an attraction.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I see. Oh, shit.
Em Schulz: Which I never even considered that there would be like fucking u-unstable people going to houses like this.
Christine Schiefer: It's... Yeah.
Em Schulz: You know?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, sure. Like wanting to see it and, and acting out. Yeah.
Em Schulz: I also even wonder if it's like, uh, there's gotta be someone out there who is mentally unwell in a violent way or like in a, they are hearing things, seeing things kind of way and like wants to do something at this house. Like maybe there's someone who's like, I don't know, into like their own... They've got something planned and they wanna do it at a landmark, you know, like, ugh.
Christine Schiefer: Ugh. Yeah. You don't know what people's intentions are. That's true.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Like it for people we just covered, um, uh, BTK and like, he...
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: Not that we know any like mental diagnoses, but he was very into like patterns and signs and like what if someone was like, oh, it's a sign I have to do it at the Amityville house. You just never know.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? Ever draws people to something like a dark place like that. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Um, "it was a weird experience looking back on it, but at the time it was just normal for me. Uh, I do have one other connection. When one of my uncles was a kid, his dad worked as a caretaker, maintenance man for a wealthy family that purchased the home sometime after the Lutz family. My uncle was in the house all the time and has always said it was just a regular house. Due to all this, I have some pretty strong feelings about the haunting part of it, and my friends now all know this as one of my soapbox topics that I will always rant about at the slightest mention. But that isn't to say I don't have my own paranormal stories. Those are for another time." [chuckle] Um, so thank you for covering it. Oh, you are welcome.
Christine Schiefer: That's, I've, wow. I feel like that kind of is where I've landed as well after all this time of like, you know, some really gruesome, horrible things happened, and I feel like it got overshadowed by all the like, demonic lore that probably was overblown and, uh, the Warrens were hyping it up in...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Hollywood, you know. Um, so I, I think. Em... Uh, this Em and probably you Em, are probably on the same page about that one.
Em Schulz: I think so.
Christine Schiefer: Um. Yeah. So let's see. Is this the last one? No, second to last one.
Em Schulz: Penultimate.
Christine Schiefer: Let's see this one is called, what'd you say?
Em Schulz: I said the penultimate.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, penultimate. Oh, that's a great word. Okay, so this one is called, uh, oh, "Time travel??? Help please."
Em Schulz: Ah! I'm gonna help a time traveler. Oh my God. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. I wouldn't get ahead of yourself. You're gonna try to help a time traveler. [laughter] Let's put it that way. Okay.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I mean, maybe you'll, maybe you'll, no, you know what. I'm not giving you enough credit. Em, you're gonna fucking knock this outta the park.
Em Schulz: I know.
Christine Schiefer: This is from Lilli, She/her, and again, the subject is alarming. It's "Time travel???" With three question marks, "Help please."
Em Schulz: I'm so excited.
Christine Schiefer: Huh. It goes. "Alrighty motherfuckers settle in. It's gonna be a doozy. Love. You guys love the podcast. Okay. So I live in Hobart, Tasmania, Australia. In Hobart, there is a massive river that runs straight down the middle of the city, connecting the suburbs on either side as the Tasman Bridge. So my story starts when I was a kid, like 10 or 11 years old, and my class went on a little excursion to walk across the bridge. Yay. What fun for a grade five kid."
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "Anyways, when we walked across this bridge, we would signal to all the cars that drove past to beep their horns." Okay. Actually, I think this would be really fun for me in fifth grade...
Em Schulz: But it'd be so fun.
Christine Schiefer: Right? [laughter] I'm like, I'm actually way into that. But whatever. Um, "I remember very clearly that no cars were falling for our meticulous manipulation to get people to honk their horns, [laughter] to entertain a group of 11 year olds, except for one, it was a beat up white Toyota. And I remember feeling very excited because the same car had JL and O in the number plate. And that meant I could sing Jenny from the block."
[laughter]
Em Schulz: We would've been great friends.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I was gonna say I thought they were about I thought she was about to say it's the same car J-LO had. And I was like, are you sure she had a beat up white Toyota? And then I read the rest.
Em Schulz: It was like, talk about patterns.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yes, yeah, [laughter] cause J-LO definitely was my first thought as well. Uh, "and that meant I could sing Jenny from the block obnoxiously loudly for the rest of the day. Okay, so fast forward to a few days ago, I'm on my drive to work going over the bridge. That bridge."
Em Schulz: Mm-mmm.
Christine Schiefer: "And I see a group of kids wearing my old school uniform on an excursion walking across the bridge. So I beat my horn at them." Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Em Schulz: What?
Christine Schiefer: "So I beeped my horn at them. Then it hit me. I currently drive an old white beat up Toyota with J, L and O on the number plate."
Em Schulz: [gasp] Oh my God. Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: "I quickly had a look in my rear view mirror, and I, shit you not, little Lilli was walking along all happy that someone had just beeped their horn."
Em Schulz: What?
Christine Schiefer: "I have no way of explaining it or rationalizing it. So if you have any idea, let me know. Anyways, thank you for reading so much love, Lilli."
Em Schulz: What? What? What?
Christine Schiefer: That's fucking mind blowing.
Em Schulz: I've never had a goosecam look quite like that. That, that, that.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Whoa.
Christine Schiefer: That time slipped yourself twice.
Em Schulz: So we... That was our first call in, I think from a glitch in the matrix that like, uh, involves some time travel.
Christine Schiefer: That... Like a doppelganger time travel. Uh, multidimensional, I mean, what the fuck?
Em Schulz: My entire body created new goosebumps to go on top of the other goosebumps.
Christine Schiefer: You were one big goosecam.
Em Schulz: Oh my God. That's the coolest story. That's the coolest story. Wow.
Christine Schiefer: That is...
Em Schulz: Well wrap it up, Eva let's go...
Christine Schiefer: Crazy. Let's go. Nope, we have one more unfortunately. And I hope this person doesn't feel, uh...
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: We haven't read the next one, but, um, I'm sure it'll be just as good.
Em Schulz: I don't know. Man that's pretty good.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: 'Cause this is from Anonymous, not the, not the group, but a person.
Christine Schiefer: Whoa, whoa.
Em Schulz: Can you imagine?
Christine Schiefer: Heavy hitters?
Em Schulz: Um. Can you imagine if the next one was, we know about the glitch and the Matrix. We know about J-Lo we know about Lilli. Okay. This is.
Christine Schiefer: We've already deleted it from your recording and you'll never get it back.
Em Schulz: And this will fuck you up. Christine, don't read along. I know you like to read along. Don't read along.
Christine Schiefer: No, I don't read along. I don't because you yelled at me in 2017. I've never done it again.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Dead serious.
Em Schulz: Well, you're gonna, you're gonna get a kick outta this. 'cause this is from Anonymous. Who uses they/them pronouns. I love that. Gender neutral also means discreet. I love it.
Christine Schiefer: Yes, it does. It means mystery, mysterious.
Em Schulz: Subject, "Government Listener."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: The fact that... Okay, we have a lava specialist and someone from the government who listen in. Please. Like...
Christine Schiefer: Are we supposed to be asking for their attention more often?
Em Schulz: Like go read a book. You don't, we're, we're beneath you for sure. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Go read a book like you do every other second you're not listening to this podcast.
Em Schulz: Go work for the government and learn about volcanology. Okay, here we go Christine. You're gonna love it.
Christine Schiefer: I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready.
Em Schulz: "I'm listening to episode 349 while cleaning my house, and I can see my partner on the couch. They keep widening their eyes and pursing their lips like they want to interject. They are an intel analyst, subject matter expert."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "An SME said, like 'smee', they're a SME, an intel analyst, subject matter expert with 20..."
Christine Schiefer: Do we know what the, what the topic was? I don't remember that episode. Or does it matter?
Em Schulz: I think we're about to figure it out.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, okay. Okay.
Em Schulz: "With 20 years experience in the Air Force Space Command."
Christine Schiefer: Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Em Schulz: "They have contributed to Project Blue Book."
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God!
Em Schulz: "They have a lot to say about aliens including that they can't say whether we do or don't have evidence of them at Area 51. Yes. They worked on a project at Area 51. Unfortunately for me and you, they can't talk about really anything to do with their job or past, sorry for the super vague message. I just don't know what is okay to say online."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "My partner and I love the podcast and they especially love when you cover government conspiracies. They say it's very endearing to hear people talk about and interpret the declassified info when they don't have the actual complete answers." Okay. We are... Someone who has worked in Area 51 and on Project Blue Book listens to this fucking show. What?
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: All right, Eva, pack it up. We, we're done.
Christine Schiefer: It's a little scary. It's a little scary. I, I also love that like, uh, note at the end, like they find it really endearing when you are an idiot and don't know anything about the government conspira...
Em Schulz: That's just...
Christine Schiefer: They just find it, they find it really endearing when you try to interpret declassified info and don't actually know any of the answers. [laughter] Oh, glad we can be cute.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I, I, I do. I I mean, I'm fine to s... To be told I'm endearing and that's it. But like, this also, uh, does terrify me a little bit because if we were ever onto something.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: They would have to like, report us to the government. Like we are not that far away from a report at some point.
Christine Schiefer: No, I mean, I don't think, I don't think we're onto anything, but, you know, if we acc... If if we were to come like, stumble onto something, it would be a stumble. We would fully stumble.
Em Schulz: We... It would be a stumble. But we...
Christine Schiefer: It would probably be a joke. Like we would probably joke about it.
Em Schulz: And someone would hear it. That's the freaky part.
Christine Schiefer: Exactly.
Em Schulz: Someone would probably hear it.
Christine Schiefer: We would probably joke about it and say, haha, imagine if this were the case. And then somebody out there would go, oh, shit.
Em Schulz: But also the fact that it was the Project Blue Book episode. It was like a 101. Let's be clear. Like, I don't think I did any outrageous research here.
Christine Schiefer: No, no.
Em Schulz: But the fact that someone who worked on Project Blue Book was making facial expressions that they had opinions about it, it means it was either...
Christine Schiefer: I wish...
Em Schulz: Really good or I fucking sucked.
Christine Schiefer: No, no, I, yeah, I really wonder, um, the, the, the way, can I go into the email now just to read the, the, the verbiage?
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. So like they said, let's see, widening their eyes and pursing their lips like they want to interject.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: That makes me feel like uh-oh, they're onto something.
Em Schulz: Uh-huh.
Christine Schiefer: But I can't tell you.
Em Schulz: That makes me feel, tell you. I'm not trying to say I'm a genius over here. I'm just saying maybe my research is, um, is okay. It's clearly worth talking about. It's worth discussion.
Christine Schiefer: I mean a person who works at Area 51.
Em Schulz: I mean, I was reporting on Project Blue Book and he, and this person, I don't know if it was a he or she or they, but they worked on Project Blue Book and they're listening to my episode. Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. But no, no, no, but listen, what a person who worked at Area 51.
Em Schulz: Uh-huh.
Christine Schiefer: Thoroughly enjoys our show overall, which is already like...
Em Schulz: Awww.
Christine Schiefer: Do you know what I mean? Like, that's the accomplishment. It's like, not even just that episode. Like they clearly like it enough to listen, whether we say things that are correct or incorrect.
Em Schulz: That's so nice. I was, I was gonna go full.
Christine Schiefer: My partner and I love the podcast.
Em Schulz: I was gonna go full panic spiral. You really calmed me down there. Oh great.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, no. No. I mean, it says my partner and I love the podcast. They especially love when you cover government conspiracies so.
Em Schulz: That's so nice.
Christine Schiefer: You know, that is such a good, uh, a compliment and a, and encouragement to keep going.
Em Schulz: Oh, well, hey, talk about a great way to start 2025.
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: I mean four. I mean four. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: Four?
Christine Schiefer: 2024.
Em Schulz: 2024.
Christine Schiefer: What an intro to the year. We've just had. Holy shit.
Em Schulz: And by the end of the year, maybe the government's coming after us, but so far they like us, so like, whatever, you know.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Maybe this will be the first and last episode of 2024. But you know what, [laughter], we've made it here, so we're happy. [laughter]
Em Schulz: All right. Well, everybody have a great year. Have a great January. We'll see you in 30 ish days for another round of listeners episodes.
Christine Schiefer: Yay send your stories in.
Em Schulz: And...
Christine Schiefer: That's...
Em Schulz: Why...
Christine Schiefer: We...
Em Schulz: Drink.