Listener Stories: Vol. 86
Stories:
1: !!! BOX OF PICTURES CHRISTINE RECEIVED !!! - Lindsay
2: What To Do With the Victorian Photos - Ash (she/her/hers)
3: Christine's Haunted? Photographs - Katherine
4: Josh Duggar and his Rehab Center! - Bandit (He/Him)
5: The Ghost Priest In My Home - Tyler (he/him)
6: Beneath the Floorboards - Brittany (she/her)
7: Adorable yet haunted Christmas teddy bears - Zoe (she/her)
8: My Dog's Supernatural Secret Santa - Adreann (She/Her)
9: A Christmas Ghost Story - Abra (she/her)
Eva with her stuffed alligator
Christmas time is here and we're ghosts of the Victorian, dust-bowl children in the tintype photos mysteriously mailed to Christine! Put on a crackling fire (or crackling fireplace video) and settle in for some holiday surprises because we've got some doozies. First up, Eva gives Christine the gift of reading the first three stories that shed some very elucidating light on said stack of haphazard photos, including the mysterious and potentially haunted mailer herself. Then Em gets their turn at a gift in the form of a tell-all direct from a Duggars-adjacent listener. And then all hell breaks loose with the scary, festive stories - everything from lime green ghost priests reading their last rights to eerily realistic dreams of underworlds hidden in the floorboards and finally all the way to heartwarming doggie Secret Santas. Hasafwa Holidays to all and to all a Hasafwa Holidays! ...and that's why we drink!
Transcript
[intro music]
Christine Schiefer: Christmasss tiiiiimeeee is here. Issafwa safwa, hasafwa safwa, safwa. What was his name, again? Clarence? No.
Em Schulz: The Peanut? What? Charlie Brown?
Christine Schiefer: Clarence Brown? No. Clarence...
Em Schulz: Charles Brown? Chad Brown? Chucky Brown.
Christine Schiefer: Chuck. Good old Chuck. Uh, no. The one... Fuck, I'm now I'm losing my mind. The sim. Our sim.
Em Schulz: Oh, Chauncey Bliss.
Christine Schiefer: Chauncey Bliss. Duh. Who is Chauncey Bliss?
Em Schulz: Hold on, hold on, do the music again. Do the, do the music again and I'll, I'll introduce the episode.
Christine Schiefer: Christmas time is here, hasafwa safwa, Chauncey Bliss...
Em Schulz: Welcome to And That's Why We Drink's December Listener's Episode, where we read your creepy stories.
Christine Schiefer: And Chuck E. Cheese. Hey, welcome to the show. There should be a crackling fire underneath all this, because this is the holiday spectacular.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Welcome to December's the last Listener Episode of 2023.
Em Schulz: Good.
Christine Schiefer: Can you believe... Hey. [chuckle] Can you believe it?
Em Schulz: I, I can't believe it 'cause I feel like I just got used to it being 2023, and now I have to write a whole new digit when I'm signing things.
Christine Schiefer: I keep getting mixed up. I'm like...
Em Schulz: I know.
Christine Schiefer: It can't be November. Now, it's December. Umm, I bet if we listen to every episode, like we do this every year, we probably every year go...
Em Schulz: Every year.
Christine Schiefer: Can you believe it? And then it's...
Em Schulz: Realistically, what year does it feel like? Ignore what time is. When you...
Christine Schiefer: To me?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: 2021.
Em Schulz: It still feels like around there for me too.
Christine Schiefer: Right?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: It feels like we kind of went into COVID and then it's like just kind of time like froze almost and nothing else sort of... Like, time just stopped working. It feels like the clock broke, you know?
Em Schulz: Yeah. I mean, we all kept saying we felt like it was a glitch in, in the system or something, but it does feel like...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: We just, we're still in... I feel like I'm unconscious and when I wake up, it'll still be 2021.
Christine Schiefer: That's exactly it.
Em Schulz: I've just been in a two-year dream. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: What a time to be in a dream to keep working in said dream and, you know, oy.
Em Schulz: And still needing like constant therapy. Yeah, taking constant medication.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Going to therapy in your coma. Yeah. Uh, that's pretty on brand for us, I think. Umm, anyway, everybody, welcome to the show. Today I have a special surprise, which is that Eva gave me a special surprise and said I get to read the first three stories all by myself.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I don't know what's going on. Maybe I've just... It's clearly that I don't know how to read, and so now we're just... Christine's taking the reins. I don't know what the situation...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, we didn't want you to feel that way about it, but I guess if you are the one bringing it up, no. Uh, that is not what it's about. I promise. It's because, umm, I have with me today, as I always have with me, my... Woo!
Em Schulz: Dignity? Oh, my God.
Christine Schiefer: No. I lost that a long time ago. [chuckle] Umm, I have my Dust Bowl survivors... Oops. My cowboy children, like all of my Victorian photographs...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Here with me. And Eva said, umm, the first three stories are in relation to that. So I said, oh, boy...
Em Schulz: Oh, my God, can you imagine if three of them emailed you?
[chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: I'm a Dust Bowl survivor and it is not okay for you to make fun of us. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: I'm one of the little cowboy kids that lives in your closet.
Christine Schiefer: I'm 250.
Em Schulz: And I've been listening to you.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I can hear everything you're saying about me and my...
Em Schulz: And I don't know how else to get to you because you can't hear my voice, but maybe you'll see this. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe you can read my typing. Umm, I am the woman with the hat and I need you to stop talking about my hat. Umm...
Em Schulz: I am the hat. And honestly...
Christine Schiefer: I am the hat.
Em Schulz: I am the star. You're right. Thank you for the validation.
Christine Schiefer: You're right and keep talking about me. Umm, okay, so here's the first one. This is called... Oh, by the way, if you're new here, sorry, also, this is where we read listener submitted stories. Umm, that's why it's called a Listener's Episode.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: You nailed it. And also, what are you drinking on, on your last Listener's Episode of And That's Why We Drink? Or drinking.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, thank you for asking. I'm drinking a Body-armor 'cause when I was breastfeeding I got kind of into these and then I had to take a break 'cause I was like, I don't even wanna look at those anymore, but then now I'm kind of back into it. What are you drinking?
Em Schulz: Oh, is it meant for, for breastfeeding?
Christine Schiefer: No, it's just like meant... It has coconut water and stuff, so it's like hydrating.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: But it's like tastier than just drinking water, you know? And it has some sugar in it.
Em Schulz: Nice.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, I don't know if it does anything, but like, I feel like when you're breastfeeding, you're not really sure, you're not sleeping. Anything that a listicle says to do, you're like, okay, I'll eat cookies and drink...
Em Schulz: Yep.
Christine Schiefer: Strawberry juice. Like fine.
Em Schulz: Umm, I'm drinking a cream soda.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh!
Em Schulz: And with that, let's [soda can crack] crack into it.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. That was really delightful actually. That was like a perfect, crack it open.
Em Schulz: [soda bubbling] Can you hear it?
Christine Schiefer: I can hear it sizzle.
Em Schulz: That's actually the fireplace you were talking about earlier.
Christine Schiefer: Oh! That's perfect. I'm gonna need you to hold that there the entire show.
Em Schulz: I was gonna say editor, editor, can you please... Umm, can you isolate that ambiance and put it underneath the entire track? Thank you so much.
Christine Schiefer: Just, uh, enhance, enhance.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Okay. Uh, let's hear it. Let's hear, let's hear your first of a trilogy, please.
Christine Schiefer: And I gotta be honest, like, I have no idea what that means. I know it's about the pictures. I'm like, what do you mean? Is it the hat? I don't know. We'll find out. So we'll find out together. This came from Lindsay. It says, "Hello, it's me. I'm the problem. It's me."
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Hey, girl.
Christine Schiefer: Me too. "I just began episode 352 where Em and Christine talk about the box of hundreds of pictures Christine received. I sent them." Holy shit, Lindsay! I knew your name started with an L. I don't remember if I said that in the episode, but I was like, it was like Lane or Lucy...
Em Schulz: Within the first sentence, we've cracked the case.
Christine Schiefer: Hilarious.
Em Schulz: We came in right at the end of the year, we figured it out.
Christine Schiefer: I love that they started with, "I'm the problem. It's me." Yes, you are correct.
Em Schulz: Oh, now it makes more sense.
Christine Schiefer: It makes sense, doesn't it? Now I get it. Uh, "I sent them, I'm sorry. I live in Indiana and because most of the photographs were local-ish, I sent them to Christine. A little background. I started collecting these photos from antique stores as a child." Whoa. "Because they intrigued me and kept on collecting over the years. I estimated about $800 worth. Over the past few years, I would hang six or so in frames on the wall to display my collection and rotate them out every so often." That's what I was thinking of doing.
Em Schulz: Oh, that's fun.
Christine Schiefer: "My husband accidentally knocked one frame off the wall." Uh-oh. "A picture of a man and paranormal activity spiked... " Wait. Okay. Why do people do this to us?
Em Schulz: Divorce.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Which man? Now I have to figure out which man.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Is it the hat? Wait, also... Wait. So, so as soon as things go wrong, you get rid of your $800 haunted collection [laughter] and give it to someone else. I love that. You're like, you know what?
Christine Schiefer: It's your problem now.
Em Schulz: It's been real, I've had them long enough.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. It says, "Nothing sinister though. Fast forward to early 2023 when I was putting my baby back to bed after waking up in the middle of the night, he had a death grip on me while I was putting him in his crib. I've always been able to sense spirits and I now knew he could as well."
Em Schulz: Oh, shit.
Christine Schiefer: "He was over a year old and still hasn't slept through the... Hadn't slept through the night. My husband suggested it was because of those pictures and that I remove them. I took them down the next day and from that night in March, he has slept through the night ever since. I didn't want to... "
Em Schulz: Great. Now your baby will never sleep again, Christine. Great.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. What the fuck? [chuckle] I'm like, wait a minute, Leona hasn't been sleeping as well as usual. Umm, "I didn't wanna get rid of them, but knew I had to and also knew I had to do so carefully. I listed them on Etsy but no hits. I listed them on eBay and was instantly banned for putting the eBay community at risk. I'm an avid... "
Em Schulz: What the hell?
Christine Schiefer: What the hell? "I'm an avid... "
Em Schulz: I feel eBay loves, eBay loves haunted shit. What are you talking about?
Christine Schiefer: They're all about that shit. That's not fair.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, "I'm an avid listener and your podcast came to mind as to where I should send them. I debated on who but decided with Christine." I love how she's like, "I debated sending them to Em," I'm like, you shouldn't have even had the thought.
Em Schulz: You made a good call.
Christine Schiefer: Your beautiful collection would've been gone in like seconds.
Em Schulz: Now, knowing it was valued at $800, I would've felt like a piece of garbage that they would've been in the garbage.
Christine Schiefer: Well, that's what, that's what would've made you feel like a piece of garbage, not that she's collected these since she was a child and they're all meaningful? Okay. Well, anyway.
Em Schulz: Well, I, I didn't, I don't know the price of anything. Now to find out it's like nearly $1,000, I would've felt extra bad. That would be my...
Christine Schiefer: Well, I think what she's saying is she estimated that she had spent about $800 worth of... On these over the years.
Em Schulz: I know, but that's...
Christine Schiefer: Right, so yes...
Em Schulz: To me, that means it's valued at that.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: That, that is, that's a lot of value. Yes. That's a lot of money. Umm, "She was the winner," Christine was the winner. Great. "As far as I'm being honored, I feel there's a strong likelihood it's the one you showed," uh-oh, "on the episode and called Walter."
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Are you kidding me? That, that, the energy is crazy if that's the case.
Christine Schiefer: That's crazy. Okay. "Or potentially the one lone woman who may be missing her right arm." Oh, what the fuck?
Em Schulz: There's one in there without an arm, Christine?
Christine Schiefer: Like I'm telling you, Em, I haven't even looked at all of them yet. You know? Like I looked at them with you. I haven't gone through every single one. Umm...
Em Schulz: Oh, my God.
Christine Schiefer: And then my favorite part is that it says, "Sorry, I didn't leave a note. Good luck, Lindsay." [laughter] I honestly, Lindsay, I feel like we wanna, like I wanna blame you for this, but also part of me thinks when you were figuring out where to send them, I feel like my like astral spirit was like, "Send them to me. Send them to me. Send them to Christine." Like, "Hey, hey, hey."
Em Schulz: And mine was like, "Send them to Christine. Send them to Christine. Don't send them to me."
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh, you doubled up. Yeah, that must be it. So, umm, I feel like the universe was like, "Send them to Christine." And honestly, Lindsay, I've grown so attached to them. I love them so much. A few people have sent in saying like, "Can you send them to me?" And I'm like, "No, I like them. I want to keep them." And...
Em Schulz: You gotta find the one without an arm and you have to hang, you have to hang up hat girl. I love hat girl.
Christine Schiefer: I do too. I'm glad I finally know where they're from 'cause I feel like now I can kind of approach it... You know, I'm like, oh, okay. Now I feel like this was sent with love and not like a curse or something.
Em Schulz: Any of them had any names?
Christine Schiefer: They do.
Em Schulz: We could do a little...
[vocalization]
Christine Schiefer: They do.
Em Schulz: Okay. I was gonna say on Ancestry...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: My skills and your skills, together we could write a narrative.
Christine Schiefer: Well, like my pal, Stephanie, on Instagram posted like, "Hey, I'm not kidding, please like send them to me, I do like... " Basically what she said was, I do this a lot. Like I go get photos from antique stores and I post them on the right family trees so that people can like...
Em Schulz: Mmm.
Christine Schiefer: And then I can mail them, if they like reach out, I can mail them the hard copy. And I was like, what a noble pursuit.
Em Schulz: Yeah. That's lovely.
Christine Schiefer: But also I'm so conflicted 'cause I'm like, well, maybe I can try that. I mean I don't have the skills. I'm sure Stephanie does, 'cause...
Em Schulz: Well, technically could you just take a picture of each one and just send 'em to her and be like, well, here's your own copy of them?
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Here you go. Here's a... I'm gonna scan these, I'm gonna fax these to you. I'm gonna fax you a tintype uh, to look at. [chuckle] No. And so I feel bad 'cause I haven't responded to Stephanie, but I'm like, I'm trying to figure out and now I feel like since Lindsay has collected these over her whole lifetime, I don't really wanna just like... I mean at least they would be in safe hands. I don't know, they're... I'm just gonna hold on to them for now until I kind of have a better plan. But I guess I should read story number two now that Lindsay has been outed as a problem.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. So I, it looks like the rest, the last two stories here are like, umm, 'cause I asked people to tell me what to do with the pictures. So it looks like people are submitting some potential plans. This one says, uh, this is from Ash, she/her/hers, and it says, "Hi, ATWWD friends. I listened to your new episode 352 today... " Oh, by the way, if you're wondering about these photographs, it's episode 352 that we discussed them. "And wanted to reach out with a suggestion for your photos. My mom is a professional genealogist who works for free. She sees genealogy as a religious calling and spends hours every day researching people's families and trying to return vintage eBay family photos and Bibles back to the correct families."
Em Schulz: Ooh.
Christine Schiefer: Like that's what Stephanie was saying. "Fun story, whenever my sister and I brought a new love interest home growing up, we would do everything in our power to keep our mom from learning their last name."
Em Schulz: That's literally...
Christine Schiefer: Genius.
Em Schulz: Is Leona in the chat right now? Like...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: That's hilarious.
Em Schulz: Like, this is something she's gonna say about you one day.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, for sure. "This is because my mom would immediately research 10 generations of the person's family and it took her 15 minutes once to locate an ancestor that my sister's boyfriend's family had been searching for for 20 years."
Em Schulz: Holy shit.
Christine Schiefer: "My mom has also contracted for the FBI to locate folks in this way." Whoa. "Anyway, I imagine if you're able to scan... " Okay, that's what you said. "Scan the fronts and backs of the photo, my mom may be able to help return them to the proper descendants. You won't even have to mail them or anything. Between you and me, my mom has a lot of free time... " [laughter] Between you and me.
Em Schulz: Sounds like it.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Between you and all of us, your mom has a lot of free time and loves to do this work, so don't feel bad... Well, I don't have a lot of free time and I also love to do that, so like don't worry, I don't judge at all. Umm, "So don't feel bad for capitalizing on that. She told us once as kids that she loves her dead ancestors just as much as her living children, though we always knew better." [chuckle] And then sent her contact info. I love that, Ash.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you.
Em Schulz: I might actually, I might actually use that contact info 'cause I'm still trying to figure out my own family stuff.
Christine Schiefer: Well, I will say too, like Stephanie posted it and by the way, if Em and Christine, if you ever need like, it sounds like she does this like very... Same kind of thing, like very...
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Almost professional level. And, umm, I was like, yes Stephanie, I do need help, please, umm... So, 'cause I wanna learn more about my house and I haven't been able to find anyone to like, help me...
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: Track, trace back. So yeah, here we have a couple people now who are able to help us. This one says... Uh, let's see, from... I don't wanna say their name 'cause I... They didn't sign it, so I'm just gonna say it's from K. Letter K.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: "Hi, Christine, Em and Eva. I'm just watching today's episode where Christine is showing off her strange collection of old photographs... "
Em Schulz: Jesus.
Christine Schiefer: "Which is my favorite thing ever. I have a degree in collections management." Okay. Like, who are these people?
Em Schulz: What the hell is going on here?
Christine Schiefer: You guys are like the most interesting people I've ever met.
Em Schulz: I feel like you accidentally tapped into like an industry where...
Christine Schiefer: Incredible.
Em Schulz: Everyone's like, this is my moment. I'm gonna reach out.
Christine Schiefer: Like, wait, what? I didn't know, we... All we had to do was show like a lady in her hat in black and white...
Em Schulz: We should just start showing weird things and people would just...
Christine Schiefer: See like, see who like pops out of the woodwork.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: That would be, that would be a fun podcast if we just hand a random listener an item, just a random item. And then a week later they come back and tell us everything they found on it.
Christine Schiefer: We say, we just say, "Go and see what happens." I love this.
Em Schulz: "We'll see you later. You do all the work, we'll host it."
Christine Schiefer: We just sit here. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: "If Christine plans on keeping them or some of them, there are archival kits online that will be perfect for storing them."
Em Schulz: Mmm.
Christine Schiefer: "If she wanted to donate them to a historical society, maybe sort through the Cincinnati ones or if they're Kentucky ones and see if they would be interested in them. I would offer to take them in, but I think they are best in her hands. LOL." [chuckle] I appreciate that. Thank you. She's like...
Em Schulz: You're right.
Christine Schiefer: I don't... She's like, I know better. I know Christine's never mailing these to me. Um.
Em Schulz: Well, also like, I don't want them, like, I probably, like I don't need this... I don't want them. Yeah.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: And also K is probably our... Oh, sorry. Katherine did sign it. I just, it was in between some links. Katherine did sign it. Umm, so Katherine already heard Lindsay say, oh, yeah, like, [chuckle] ghost activity spiked. So, uh, Katherine, I think you made the right choice not requesting the photographs.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, "I would offer to take them, but I think they're best in her hands. LOL. I've put some links down below for the archival kits. These are albums and these are boxes and kits." Okay. This is fucking great.
Em Schulz: Cool.
Christine Schiefer: I'm so thankful for all of this.
Em Schulz: And that way you can preserve them, Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Yes, exactly. 'Cause honestly, I feel... I just was feeling bad 'cause they were like in a haphazard pile over there and I thought like, well, I don't want them to get like more damaged. You know?
Em Schulz: Can I, can I say ignore everything that everyone has said so far and give you my idea?
Christine Schiefer: If you must.
Em Schulz: So I think maybe you should, we should come, come together, you and I, and create like a really, really, like, I... Here's the situation. I would like Leona at like 14 to climb into the attic and find these and think that she's discovered a mystery. [laughter] So like, I'm thinking like put them...
Christine Schiefer: Make an escape room.
Em Schulz: Get an archival kit so they're preserved, but like also put that box in like a locked like...
Christine Schiefer: A lock box.
Em Schulz: Safe box or something.
Christine Schiefer: Right. And put like, "Do not touch."
Em Schulz: Do not touch.
Christine Schiefer: So that when she's a teenager, she can be like, ooh, let me open this. And honestly, that'll probably keep her out of other trouble. If I'm like, I'll set up some rules for you to break so you don't have to go out of your way.
Em Schulz: Now that's, that's top tier parenting.
Christine Schiefer: That's good parenting.
Em Schulz: It's like I don't want you to do drugs, so I'm going to create like a 15-year-old escape room mystery. [laughter] And that will really keep you occupied. And you just like chain it up and like put like maybe a lit candle next to it or something and...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, yeah. I'll light a candle over and over so that like, by the time she finds it, it's like the wax has all kind of congealed, it looks real creepy.
Em Schulz: Absolutely. And then just like, like maybe like a, like a random note and it says like, the last person to ever see this, blah, blah, blah... Like something, I don't know, like just give her an adventure. You know?
Christine Schiefer: Maybe I'll put them in my will just in case if something ever happens to me and I'll be like, these are for Em and Em has to keep them all safe.
Em Schulz: I'll commit. I'll commit to the safe box idea. I won't hold on to them myself, but I will put them in an attic near your child, for sure. [laughter] I can promise you that.
Christine Schiefer: Wow. Thanks. In fact, they're already in an attic near my child, but thank you so much for your help, Em. [laughter] Umm, but thanks, Em for your input is what I'll say. And for everyone else...
Em Schulz: It's always, it's always needed.
Christine Schiefer: Genuinely, thank you for your input. And that one I actually mean.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: So, umm, I appreciate it. I appreciate it and I feel so much more enlightened about these photographs now. Lindsay, thank you for sending them, but also not thank you. And also like, I still don't forgive you for sending them in the creepiest way with no note. 'Cause like what were you thinking? But also...
Em Schulz: You should have sent them in a safe box.
Christine Schiefer: You should have sent, honestly, you were really bold...
Em Schulz: With a melted candle all over it. And a note that said, "Whatever you do, don't open." 'Cause then Christine would've like been obsessed. You know?
Christine Schiefer: I would have.
Em Schulz: Somebody out there, can you send Christine something in a lock box with a sign that says, "Do not open."
Christine Schiefer: Please. And don't leave a note. No, don't do that. I get really freaked out. Okay. I will say, Lindsay, you really were brave to just send these with no note. 'Cause I think if you had said like, "I collected these since I was a child," I would've probably been like much more careful. And like, I mean, I've been careful with them, but like if you send them to Em without a note, they'd probably be gone. So I'm, I'm very, uh, impressed that you were brazen enough to just send them with no note and hope that they ended up in good hands. But you were right. I'm really, umm, I really love them and I'm attached to them, so.
Em Schulz: That's... Yeah, you definitely made the right call.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, I think so.
Em Schulz: Does she have both arms? Do we know?
Christine Schiefer: Uh, you know, it's looking like that's a yes on this one. So I'm gonna have to...
Em Schulz: You know, it'd be fun if you splayed them out upside down and then you pulled them like tarot cards.
Christine Schiefer: Do a spread.
Em Schulz: Do a little spread.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. I love that idea.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Anyway.
Em Schulz: Anyway, my turn finally.
Christine Schiefer: You can talk now.
Em Schulz: Well, if mine is like, if my note is like, uh, or my letter that I'm about to read, if it says something like, I have, I have something I'm sending to Christine, it is more pictures of more dead people. Are you in or out? And I would be in to help you get them and...
Christine Schiefer: I mean honestly, Em, I'm in. Like, honestly at this point I'm kind of loving this adventure for me and I'm loving that everyone is so kind and supportive and helpful and like, listen, maybe I'll start collecting these. I am deeply enchanted by them.
Em Schulz: I could see, I could see after the podcast, you becoming a curator...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Of like an oddity antique shop where, with all the things that people sent you over the years and now you're like giving back.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And I keep them all.
Em Schulz: I know you do.
Christine Schiefer: Yes, you know well. Em knows well.
Em Schulz: Well, you needed a big ass house to put all of it, so.
Christine Schiefer: I did. And I have my attic now filled with creepy stuff.
Em Schulz: Okay. Here's mine. Ohh, okay. Mine is better. Okay, here we go. Ready?
Christine Schiefer: For you. What is it?
Em Schulz: The subject line... First of all, the person who sent it, their name is Bandit. Okay. Amazing.
Christine Schiefer: I love that for you.
Em Schulz: Umm, and the subject line is "Josh Duggar"
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "And his Rehab Center."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: So...
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck?
Em Schulz: My dopamine is rising...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, Eva nailed it.
Em Schulz: Thanks, Eva. I get it now.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you for the holiday presents.
Em Schulz: Okay.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: This is a gift. Okay. Says, "Hey, Christine, Em and Eva. I'm using a fake name." Okay, Bandit. I see.
Christine Schiefer: Bandit's a fake name? No way.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I don't know. I didn't know if this was, like, from your neck of the woods in Kentucky, someone would name their kid Bandit.
Christine Schiefer: No, it could very well be. Or like a dog, maybe.
Em Schulz: I had a dog named Bandit. Anyway...
Christine Schiefer: That's probably why... [laughter] I had a stuffed panda named Bandit.
Em Schulz: It's a great name.
Christine Schiefer: It is a great name.
Em Schulz: And I, the, okay, anyway, okay. [laughter] I'm using a fake name in case, uh, if anyone from the church listens. I'm sorry, is someone from Josh Duggar's church listening to us?
Christine Schiefer: Stop. That's scary.
Em Schulz: I need to take a propranolol... Oh, my God. Okay. "If anyone from the church listens, which I doubt, since it probably goes against their beliefs," okay. "This may be a long one, but I think you'll enjoy this. My dad's side of the family is part of North Love Church, and we are kind of a big name in the church."
Christine Schiefer: We're kind of a big deal. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Oh, my God. I'm having, like, full palpitations. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: I don't even know what that is. Is that a thing you know?
Em Schulz: I don't know about the church, but to have a, to be a big name in a church...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, yeah, no, no, that's crazy.
Em Schulz: For example, they built a room on the church and dedicated it to my grandpa when he passed.
Christine Schiefer: Whoa, oh, so they're a big name in the church. I'm sorry. I understand now.
Em Schulz: Okay. The family.
Christine Schiefer: Yes. Got it.
Em Schulz: North Love or its rehab program, Reformers Unanimous, is the church program that glorified that they had cured Josh Duggar from his evil ways.
Christine Schiefer: God's sake. Okay.
Em Schulz: My dad is the black sheep of the family. It sounds like you are Bandit, but okay.
Christine Schiefer: Bandit. I have a literal panda named Bandit. So I think if there is a sheep...
Em Schulz: Bandit, you're reaching out to a show called And That's Why We Drink, after your grandpa was dedicated a room at your church, okay.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, we know who the black sheep is.
Em Schulz: "My dad is the black sheep of the family because he rebelled against the church. So, growing up, my sister and I weren't a part of that world." I see.
Christine Schiefer: Phew.
Em Schulz: "But the rest of my dad's side is still fully in it. My cousins, all seven of them, from one uncle and aunt, they couldn't watch TV unless it was sports, and the TV was hidden in the closet in their parents room. The woman couldn't wear pants, and it was either skirts or culottes... " Culottes?
Christine Schiefer: Culottes. I think it's culottes. I think.
Em Schulz: Uh, "My aunt sewed most of their clothes for them. They grocery shopped within the church's co-op. My aunt also homeschooled the kids while my uncle would be working, because the man had to do the work. After they finished first grade or so, they would go to the church's school 'til they graduated to go to college. The men would actually go to college to further their education while the women went to find a husband." Wow.
Christine Schiefer: Cool.
Em Schulz: Different life than me.
Christine Schiefer: Cool. Cool. Cool. [laughter]
Em Schulz: "Then when they got married, the pastor of the church, Paul Kingsbury, would go on an hour long tangent about how the woman had to submit to the man and fulfill all of his needs and wants." Disgusting. Umm, "My favorite the know, my favorite thing when it came to our families coming together is that my mom is the one who held our immediate family together. So my uncle would have to talk to my mom about any plans. My mother told me she would aim for my uncle to make what she called the know-your-place-woman face." [laughter] "Just to piss him off. One of the most vivid memories at the church was attending one of my cousin's graduations. They had a preacher who worked at Reformers Unanimous there. He was talking about how he turned 16 and bought a car. He looked into the crowd and said, 'and do you know what was in that car? A radio.'"
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "And the whole church gasped in horror. And I sat there confused." He continued on saying that because of his radio, he turned to drugs and alcohol, all due to the evil living in it.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, for God's sake.
Em Schulz: Oh, okay. Well, because of the devil living in it. I'm sorry. The devil's in his car. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, shit. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: Umm...
Christine Schiefer: This one's like a story for us to read. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Which, like that, that is... That is a Duggary thing too, to hear anything with drums channels the the devil.
Christine Schiefer: Whoa. Seriously.
Em Schulz: So like the... Even Christian rock is supposed to be like the devil trying to tempt you away because...
Christine Schiefer: What the...
Em Schulz: It sounds enough like real rock that you're going to go and...
Christine Schiefer: They're trying to trick you. Sure.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: So you're only allowed to listen to like, to really orchestra gospel, essentially, that's like the only music you can listen to and like church hymns and stuff.
Christine Schiefer: Cool.
Em Schulz: "So listening to the Duggar episode recently, I was like, holy shit, this sounds really familiar. Then the next day, out of the blue, my mom mentioned Josh Duggar and how he went to the church for rehab. And I knew I had to write in because there has been some scandals within the church now." You don't say...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, Em. Em, you're having a moment.
Em Schulz: "Apparently, Reformers Unanimous was a bunch of bull and really didn't do anything for rehab besides manual labor and reading Bible verses. Plus it was full of people who were child abusers and the program didn't really do anything to keep them away from children." Hmm, sound familiar?
Christine Schiefer: Sure. Great. Excellent.
Em Schulz: "Then Pastor Kingsbury, who founded this program, he was abusing and grooming. Allegedly more than 20 women have come forward about this."
Christine Schiefer: Ahh.
Em Schulz: Woof.
Christine Schiefer: That's bad.
Em Schulz: "The church tried to bury this with his resignation and leave it at that. Kingsbury says he's innocent and nothing happened. Here is his direct quote, 'There is nothing, nothing that has gone on in the ministry or has gone on all these years that has ever been just put under a proverbial rug. If you lift the rug, it's clean under there.'" Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Uh-huh.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: "He's always had such a bad vibe to him. So reading that quote the first time really gave me the creeps. I could go on with more stories about living that close to basically a cult, but I'll leave it there. I hope you enjoyed this little bit of tea. Bandit." And then it says, Geminis unite. Wee!
Christine Schiefer: Oh! We knew you were a Gemini. There's no doubt. Like we should have known. We should have known from the beginning.
Em Schulz: It's like I have gossip. Guess who I am?
Christine Schiefer: Wow. Wow, wow.
Em Schulz: For a second, I thought we were like, there was an update about Josh Duggar at, in prison or something, I was like what?
Christine Schiefer: Ohhh. Hmm, we have to turn on our Google alerts.
Em Schulz: Turn on your radio.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, no, I would never. That's danger zone.
Em Schulz: The devil's territory. Yes.
Christine Schiefer: The devil's territory. Okay, wow. Okay, so here I have one now called "The Ghost Priest in My Home."
Em Schulz: Oh, for God's sake.
Christine Schiefer: That's a little too scary for me. This is from Tyler, he/him, and it says, "Hi, That's Why We Drink team. I'm Tyler, he/him, and I've been listening for a year now with my girlfriend, often in the car and while cooking dinner. We love the banter and enjoy hearing what you have all been up to. Now, here's my story. I grew up in a small town in northern Wisconsin. My parents' home was a third house built in my entire hometown and was constructed... "
Em Schulz: Holy shit.
Christine Schiefer: "In 1899 for the local priest." That's like my mom's house was built for the, like was bought by the Catholic church and an archbishop lived there or something.
Em Schulz: It sounds like, yeah, and, the, the, the pastor or the priest was like one of three people in your entire town.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah! That's wild. I guess they starting off a town, they're like, we need a priest. And that's it.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Starting. Yeah. We need...
Christine Schiefer: And two people to go to church and we're good.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: What more could you ask for?
Em Schulz: Yeah. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: "It is our understanding that the first priest lived here until it was sold in the 1920s to a local family. When the priest occupied the house, funerals were held in the main entryway." Boy. God. Okay. "This fueled the creepy vibes throughout the house, but especially in the basement. We were told that during the winter months when the ground was frozen and the mausoleum was full, bodies of the recently deceased were stored down there in the basement." Oh, boy.
Em Schulz: Girl.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-mm.
Em Schulz: Girl.
Christine Schiefer: "We have the original blueprints that one of the lumberjacks put together when they began digging out the foundation. The basement is shown as a perfect rectangle in the drawings, but this is not the reality. One of the corners of the room is walled off in an... "
Em Schulz: See ya.
Christine Schiefer: "Eight foot by eight foot square." Goodbye.
Em Schulz: Guess what? No thanks.
Christine Schiefer: Ew, I have goosecam. Yuck. "When my father pointed this out to the realtor, the story is that the lumberjacks uncovered a huge rock in that spot. And since they did not have the heavy machinery we do today, decided it wasn't worth the effort to remove the rock and built around it. While this could be true, my friends often claim that behind the walls is the body of the priest who once lived in the house." I love that...
Em Schulz: Yeah, absolutely.
Christine Schiefer: Em and I are your friends. We're like, yeah, guess what, that's not a rock, that's a dead body.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: It's an asshole friends.
Em Schulz: Yeah. For sure. For sure.
Christine Schiefer: And be like...
Em Schulz: The rock is a bullshit story and you know it.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. You know what the rock really means, right? In lumberjack speak it means dead priest. Okay.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Exactly.
Christine Schiefer: "Another odd fact about the basement is the door. My mom loves the doors. She adores... She adores them." [laughter] I don't think that he even realized that he made that pun. [laughter] "She's constantly reminding us that they're original. This sounds like my mother also. And over 100 years old. She refuses to replace the doors or the door handles, even though some have stopped working altogether." Yeah. We never had doors that worked at my mom's house.
Em Schulz: Insane.
Christine Schiefer: "The door to the basement always seemed odd. It came with a deadbolt lock, but on the first floor side, which means the lock was installed to keep someone or something in the basement. There are no... "
Em Schulz: This is literally your house. Don't you have locks on the inside of the doors, at your mom's house?
Christine Schiefer: Umm, yes. That is true.
Em Schulz: Yeah. This is so far, umm...
Christine Schiefer: That part's true. Yes.
Em Schulz: Yes. This is... So far, it's all adding up.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, getting a little...
Em Schulz: I think I've been in this house actually.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, I'm like, wait a second. Is this my brother? Who is emailing this? [laughter] Umm, this seems really familiar. Uh, "There are no other entrances to the basement, save a very small window, so there's no rational explanation as to why a lock would be necessary. In 2014, I came back from college for winter break. One night I went to sleep in my childhood bed and was awoken by someone saying my name. I woke up a little bit freaked out, told myself it was only a dream, and tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't shake an uneasy feeling. I finally opened my eyes to a... " This is a new one, "lime green figure standing at the end of my bed."
Em Schulz: Lime green?
Christine Schiefer: Lime green.
Em Schulz: Okay. Was it...
Christine Schiefer: It was Gumby.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I was gonna say, is it like one of the aliens from Toy Story?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. That's the only other thing I can imagine. Okay. Sorry to joke because then Tyler says, "The figure was a man with sunken eyes."
Em Schulz: Shit. Salad fingers or something.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Uh, poor Tyler's like, umm, I was scared and you guys are making fun of me. When we're scared, we react with jokes. That's, this is our defense mechanism. We're not making fun.
Em Schulz: Can you imagine though, if if Tyler had the courage to look at that creature and go, okay, salad fingers, like relax. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Nice try. You're not even relevant anymore. It's 2014. Go back to YouTube. Okay. Go back to 2005. Uh, "The figure had no discernible features other than the glowing green skin. I quickly learned that my flight/fight/freeze response is freeze."
Em Schulz: Yep.
Christine Schiefer: Isn't that fun when we learn what our... [laughter]
Em Schulz: As it's happening. Yes.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. You're like, oh, that's interesting.
Em Schulz: It's like, I guess I just don't move or function or think.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I guess I'm paralyzed. Uh, "I couldn't move or look away from the figure at the end of my bed. The figure leaned forward towards me. I could feel it set a hand on my leg and continue to climb onto the bed" Ah! Okay.
Em Schulz: Girl.
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: Get out.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: This is...
Em Schulz: Like I know...
Christine Schiefer: Horrifying.
Em Schulz: I know you're frozen. I know you can't do anything about it, but get the fuck out. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I know that you're reacting in the only way your body and nervous system know how, but don't do it that way. Do it a different way. Uh...
Em Schulz: But you're wrong.
Christine Schiefer: But you're wrong. [laughter] Okay. This gets worse, believe it or not. Okay? 'Cause it says, "At this point," now imagine it's holding onto his leg and is climbing into his bed. "And at this point the figure begins speaking."
Em Schulz: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: I know. Why is that so much scarier? I don't know. It says, "In a voice that sounded something like someone," ew!," attempting to mimic an old timey creepy witch voice, I heard the apparition whisper... " [gasp] Sorry. I'm scared. Okay. "I heard the apparition whisper, 'our father who art in heaven.'"
Em Schulz: Pfft-abs- girl, no, this is not real. That's just not the truth. That's...
Christine Schiefer: I hate this so much. Ew. Ew.
Em Schulz: I hate, I hate to break it to you, but that didn't happen.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It didn't happen.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, my God. "At this point, the figure reached a hand toward my face, and just as the apparition touched my face, I heard it conclude its prayer, 'hallowed be thy name.'" Oh, my God. "The figure's hand didn't touch my face, but seemed to go through me. I could feel it... "
Em Schulz: [gags]
Christine Schiefer: I can't believe it's still happening. Like you'd think if this was just like a dream or whatever, that you would've shaken out of it by now, you know? But like it's still going.
Em Schulz: Also, if it's in your face, like where's a, where's a good place for it to be in your face? Like in your mouth, are you tasting this thing? Is it in your eyeball? Is it in your brain?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Is it in your ear tickling around in there?
Christine Schiefer: Did you get like brain freeze when it went through your head? That sounds stupid, but I'm like genuinely wondering.
Em Schulz: Was it wet? I feel like this figure was wet.
Christine Schiefer: Ew. It was very green like, and glowing. It sounds like it would be wet, like moldy or something.
Em Schulz: Damp.
Christine Schiefer: Damp, indeed. Okay. "The figure's hand didn't touch my face, but seemed to go through me. I could feel a burst of cold air hit my face just as the figure's hand did. As quickly as it appeared, the figure was gone." Okay, this is traumatizing. I know that we tell ghost stories and stuff like...
Em Schulz: This isn't even, this isn't even And That's Why We Drink anymore. This is like out of control. This isn't Josh Duggar. This isn't your little pictures. This is crazy.
Christine Schiefer: This is traumatic. "I was left alone in my bedroom, confused and terrified. It took a few minutes, but I was able to calm myself down and remind myself that ghosts aren't real. Yeah, I mean that looked real and felt real, but it had to be a dream. Sleep paralysis. That's it. Has to be, right? I told myself this was just some weird dream or sleep disorder and didn't tell anyone what I saw that night. Over winter break, I worked mornings at the local grocery store. A few weeks had passed since my midnight visitor," That's one way to put it. "And I got up at my usual 5:00 AM to get ready to head to work. When I went downstairs, I found my older brother awake and watching TV. I asked why he was awake at this ungodly hour, and he looked at me and said, 'This is gonna sound absolutely crazy, but I saw a ghost in my bedroom.'"
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Oh, my God.
Christine Schiefer: And then Tyler says, "I froze," to which I, to which I say, again, okay. "I froze. My mind was spinning. I asked him to describe what he saw." Holy shit, sorry. Here's the brother's description of what he saw. "It was a lime green figure standing at the end of my bed. It reached up and touched me on the nose. But you know the scariest part of all, the whole time I could hear it whispering the Our Father."
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Roll out, pack your bags. We're gone, O-U-T. Oh, my god.
Christine Schiefer: No time to pack your bags. We're out. Grab a go bag.
Em Schulz: What does that even mean? And like...
Christine Schiefer: It's a horrible...
Em Schulz: 'Cause it also, it's like a combination of ghost and alien because I've never heard anything in the realm of paranormal that's green, let alone lime green.
Christine Schiefer: What about Ectoplasm? Isn't that green?
Em Schulz: Yeah, but Ectoplasm isn't alive, is it? Or like...
Christine Schiefer: Well, I know, I'm just like trying to equate it to something I don't know.
Em Schulz: But also for something to be able to speak, one, speak English. Two, to know our prayer and...
Christine Schiefer: Okay, but I think it's the priest.
Em Schulz: Why is he lime green?
Christine Schiefer: Well, that part, I don't know. He spent too much time in that moldy basement?
Em Schulz: Why is he putting his fingers all over people's faces?
Christine Schiefer: Okay, but see, I have a guess about it. Well, let me read the rest of the story in case that it comes up...
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: But I have a guess about what's happening. "My brain tried to rationalize what I was hearing. My brother had to be messing with me, right? But I didn't tell anyone about what I saw that night. And there was no way this was a coincidence. Maybe we both recently watched a movie that planted the idea in our subconscious? That had to be it. But even if that's true, my brother isn't the prank type. He's been described as, quote, 'A man without a sense of humor.'" Oh, nice.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Sounds like a real class act.
Christine Schiefer: It's really funny to me.
Em Schulz: What a catch.
Christine Schiefer: What if he was like, "By me. I describe him that way."
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Right, right, right.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, "Pulling a prank or joke like this would be very out of character for him. He also looked absolutely terrified sitting in the living room with all the lights on and the TV playing at 5:00 AM. I walked away from him without saying anything. It's hard to describe how I felt at that moment. All I knew was that I had to leave the house as quickly as I could. It's been eight years without a sighting of the figure my brother and I saw standing at the end of our beds. Is it all a crazy coincidence or were we visited by the spirit of the house's original owner whose body still rests in the corner of the basement?" Maybe that's why he's green. I'm like not even kidding. Maybe he's just been in that mildewy basement, you know?
Em Schulz: So it is damp.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, it's very damp, uh, "PS; my mom also believes their cabin is haunted and claims she saw a Bigfoot and felt a ghost all in the same night, but that's a story for another time." Wow. Wow.
Em Schulz: What a doozy.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, okay. Here's what I think, which again, like what do I know? Nothing, but here's my theory. A priest doing last rites on someone...
Em Schulz: Ohh.
Christine Schiefer: I'm pretty sure that is like what they would say. Like they would touch your face...
Em Schulz: And they would put their hand, yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yep, and they would say, I think, I mean I haven't had that happen to me, thankfully, but I I'm pretty sure that's like the Catholic sacrament.
Em Schulz: But, okay, but why is he putting his hand on your knee and crawling up onto the bed?
Christine Schiefer: Okay, that part, [laughter] good point. Good point.
Em Schulz: And why is he, if it was really just a residual haunting, I would imagine it keeps happening in the exact same spot of the house, not going into different rooms.
Christine Schiefer: That's true.
Em Schulz: And recognizing when someone's awake to interact with them.
Christine Schiefer: And saying their name...
Em Schulz: I just... You know what? It's one of those things where I don't need to know the answer. All I need to know is that it's time to leave. That's...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I like how I'm like, I'm just gonna sit here in the house, in the haunted house and figure it out. And you're like, no, no time for that.
Em Schulz: I'm like, I've seen what I've needed to see. It's, it's time, it's best we call U-Haul and just let them handle it from here.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Umm, I am curious. Like, maybe it's like, 'cause there's also like anointing of the sick.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Like I don't know. Maybe it's some sort of weird twisted version of like a sacrament he used to perform, you know, like maybe some...
Em Schulz: Yeah, it could be. That's, I mean that's the, that's the most logical thing I could figure.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I don't know though. Like I don't really know how that, I mean, again, like you said, why would he be climbing the bed? I don't know. That's fucking horrifying. And I also like, I'm very sorry because that is very scary, Tyler. And I know we laughed, but I would be petrified, so.
Em Schulz: I would be laughing as was happening I think out of complete shock.
Christine Schiefer: Right. This is how we react.
Em Schulz: I'd be like this, it can't be happening.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah. Umm, well, say it with me. Thanks priest.
Christine Schiefer: Thanks priest. Oh, my God. It didn't even, it didn't even cross my mind. Yes, thanks priest, for everything.
Em Schulz: All right, I've got one that should be less scary, I hope. Although it is titled "Beneath the Floorboards." Umm...
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Okay?
Christine Schiefer: That can't be anything good.
Em Schulz: And this is from Brittany, who's a she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And it says, "Hello, all. I just moved in with my girlfriend." Okay. Okay. And...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: See, it's all about...
Christine Schiefer: Sorry, Tyler. Let me say what? Tyler...
Em Schulz: Tyler, if you're gay, please, weigh in.
Christine Schiefer: Driving with his girlfriend. Ooh, straight.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Ooh, heteronormative. Yeah. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Uh, "Hello, all. I just moved... "
Christine Schiefer: Tyler like, can't get a fucking break. We never have men write in. And now I'm like putting him on blast. Tyler, I know you can handle it, 'cause you handle a lot worse when that priest climbed into your bed.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Tyler already turned the volume down and unsubscribed from us, so.
Christine Schiefer: Tyler's like, we're never listening to this bullshit again. Yeah, I don't blame you.
Em Schulz: "Hello, all. I just moved in with my girlfriend and best believe I asked if this old ass house was haunted before I moved in. She said no. And I don't know if she didn't notice or she didn't want to be alone in this or what? But I may have to cut her loose."
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: No longer gay. Yay.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Just kidding.
Em Schulz: Yay. Straight. Umm, it says, "Just kidding. I have noticed little things like creaky floors and strange shadows along and, along with just the feeling of not being alone when I was the only one in the house."
Christine Schiefer: Mm-mm.
Em Schulz: "I used to live in an apartment, so I would naturally dismiss the sounds of footsteps upstairs, but now I have to remind myself, there is no upstairs. So what the heck was that?" I hate that.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh, there's no upstairs?
Em Schulz: And you just hear sounds upstairs.
Christine Schiefer: Ew.
Em Schulz: Okay. "One night I had this terrible nightmare where I was in this old kitchen with people I didn't know, just talking and whatnot. Then I started noticing that there were keyhole in the wall and they were numbered."
Christine Schiefer: Huh?
Em Schulz: Either our brains are wild, or I mean, that feel, that feels like it's planted. There's, there's no way a brain can just conjure that up to me. And, but then, I mean, that is totally something a brain could conjure. I was, but I refuse to believe it.
Christine Schiefer: I, I've, I've read a few, uh, of my dream that I write down in my notes app sometimes when I'm like, what the fuck was I on? [laughter]? You know? Like, I don't know. I feel like our brains are pretty crazy, but continue.
Em Schulz: Okay. "There were key holes in the wall and they were numbered. I was about to ask what they were when the guy to my right, uh, handed me a funky looking key. I put it in the first keyhole and turned it. Then weird stuff started happening." Started. Okay. [laughter] "Each key would initiate some kind of horrible trial that was centered around one individual in the group." This is a horror movie. Umm...
Christine Schiefer: This is a very scary dream. I don't like it.
Em Schulz: This is Saw. This feels like Saw.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: "But all we had... " Okay, so a horrible trial that was centered around an individual, "But all we had... "
Christine Schiefer: This sounds like a Kafka story. Like genuinely, I, okay.
Em Schulz: "But we all had to finish the trail in order to get to the next key."
Christine Schiefer: The trial. Maybe?
Em Schulz: Oh, the trial. The trial.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Uh, "So we finally get to the 10th keyhole. When we turn the key, I start falling backwards. And when I was supposed to hit the ground, I actually went through the floor to some kind of sunken place where I couldn't move and I was being tortured by spirits."
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck is happening?
Em Schulz: "It was terrifying. And once I was done being tortured, I woke up in the dream, back in the old house and had an 11th key in my hand."
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: What the... And Em was outside honking the U-Haul...
Em Schulz: Call Hollywood 'cause this is fucking crazy.
Christine Schiefer: Like, come on, I've been waiting. Get out of there. [laughter]
Em Schulz: "My body was shaking because of how scared I was. And others were like, let's stop playing the game for, for now, since it's really taking a toll on us."
Christine Schiefer: The game? What a fun game. This is Saw. You're right, Em. [laughter] Like, what the fuck? The game?
Em Schulz: I know. "My body was shaking, I, and others were like, let's stop playing the game for now. Umm, and I was like, what? We can, we can stop doing all the shit with the keys?" Like finally realizing like we could've just never done any of this?
Christine Schiefer: Wait a minute. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Uh, "We, we couldn't stop doing all this shit with the keys? Why didn't we stop earlier?"
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: "Anyway, I woke up in real life and started getting dressed for work. Kiss my girlfriend, go by and then was alone in the house. I'm sitting at my vanity when I hear and feel several knocks underneath the hardwood floor directly beneath my feet."
Christine Schiefer: No!
Em Schulz: "It had to have been six or seven hard and rapid knocks. It wasn't my girlfriend. 'cause I had her send me a picture of her in her classroom to rule her out."
Christine Schiefer: Like, prove that you're not here. Oh, God.
Em Schulz: "So either someone is living in the basement or something from the sunken place found me in real life."
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck.
Em Schulz: "Any who? That's why I drink, uh, copious amounts of cheap boxed wine."
Christine Schiefer: Amen.
Em Schulz: "I've been listening for years. And you, and if you made it this far, thank you for reading Brittany." That's wild. The fact that like, even if there's not actually something in the sunken place, maybe there's something that like knew what you were dreaming and just wanted, a parallel...
Christine Schiefer: It's almost like... Yes. It like paralleled the experience to scare you.
Em Schulz: I mean, if Blaise were here, he would say pipes, but I...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: But like, it was someone from her dream for sure, 1000%, 1000%.
Christine Schiefer: It's just like, what are the odds you wake up, you're home alone. And then like, remember this? Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Ugh.
Em Schulz: Ugh. Anyway...
Christine Schiefer: I have been in places where I have just like perpetual horrible nightmares that don't feel like my own dreams. And like, I remember thinking like, this fucking place has bad energy...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: That's why I'm having these dreams. So I mean, maybe that's something to do with it.
Em Schulz: Or like, maybe you're reliving like a residual haunting. Like maybe someone did die in the basement or maybe someone did die under the foundation and like...
Christine Schiefer: What if they're trying to send you a message?
Em Schulz: Oh, woof.
Christine Schiefer: Leave me alone. [laughter]
Em Schulz: It'd be really crazy if she woke up and all of a sudden there was a 12th key.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh, what if she found a key on the, on the vanity? Ooh.
Em Schulz: Oh, my God. I just have the time for it.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you Brittany.
Em Schulz: Please tell me story.
Christine Schiefer: I can't. Here's another story. This is called "Adorable Yet Haunted Christmas Teddy Bears." Okay, so this is for me, definitely. Thank you, Eva. It's from Zoe, she/her, and it says, "Hi, guys. I love the podcast. And I thought you'd enjoy this festive story of mine as the season is fast approaching." Eyeball emoji, eyeballs emoji. Looking over, which makes me not trust her immediately. [laughter] Okay, here is a story. "My dad passed away when I was a baby... " Oh, no. "And over the years, my mom has given me a few things of his to keep and remember him by." That's awful. I'm sorry about that. "One of these things was a trio of festive teddy bear ornaments. They're wearing pajamas and each holding a different Christmas present. I set up my... "
Em Schulz: That's sweet.
Christien Schiefer: I know. [laughter] It's really sweet, actually. "I set up my tree that year and sat them beneath it. One day I got home from work to find one of them sat on a different table in the living room, figuring my boyfriend had moved it, I put it back and carried on. A week or so later I found another one had fallen from the table. The tree sat on and had rolled across the room. We didn't have pets back then, so I was annoyed at my boyfriend for knocking them over continuously when he knew they were sentimental." You're like, those are from my dead dad. Like, stop...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Moving them. I'd be like, get your hands off it. Let's see. "Then a few nights later, we were sat in our bedroom when I needed something from the living room. So I walked through only to find one of these freaking bears perched perfectly on the back of the sofa facing the Christmas tree."
Em Schulz: [gasp] Oh, my God. And like part of me wants to think like, oh, it's your dad. And...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Right? And then it suddenly becomes Poltergeist-y and you're like, wait, wait, wait. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah, I'm like, hang on. Would dad, do this? Like...
Christine Schiefer: Is this a dad thing?
Em Schulz: That's my biggest fear when I die first and I haunt you is you're not gonna be able to tell if I'm being an asshole or a poltergeist has entered the chat, like...
Christine Schiefer: I think I'll be, I think I'll know. I think I'll know it's...
Em Schulz: Well, like what if I wanted to fuck with you and I just like...
Christine Schiefer: Send me a poltergeist?
Em Schulz: Put Leona upside down? Like, I don't know.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: No, what I'm saying is I think I would assume it's option A, it's Em being an asshole every time. I don't think I would even have room to consider poltergeist. I'd be like, Em...
Em Schulz: Let's put it this way. I'm, this is a pinky promise now that... Gimme your fucking pinky. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Well, I wanna hear what it is first.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: You'll want this, I promise. Gimme your pinky.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Okay. That if I go first and I am haunting you and I do something wild, you'll know it's me. If when you say stop, I respect your wishes.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, okay.
Em Schulz: But if it doesn't stop, you need to fucking call somebody.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. So, 'cause you'll be okay. Pinky promise.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Because you'll be over there going...
Em Schulz: Like, if I...
Christine Schiefer: This one isn't me.
Em Schulz: Like if I take Leona and just put her upside down and just kind of like swing her around, she's having a good time and you go, okay, Em, stop. I'll put her right side up for a little bit. But if...
Christine Schiefer: Got it.
Em Schulz: She keeps being upside down, you're in trouble, girl. You need to call somebody.
Christine Schiefer: It then Em's in the corner going, it wasn't me this time. I swear.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's the the saying it. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: It's this creepy demon over here. I don't know what to tell you.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, well, then I expect you to kick that demon out of my house, but anyway, we'll talk about this story.
Em Schulz: I'll be trying, but like, I'm only one person.
Christine Schiefer: I appreciate that.
Em Schulz: Like, I'm a new ghost. I don't know what I'm doing yet. You know?
Christine Schiefer: You're holding my child upside down. You're pretty good at it.
Em Schulz: I'm like, you know, one skill at a time.
Christine Schiefer: You're a natural. Okay. All right. So, "This bear is perched perfectly on the back of the sofa facing the Christmas tree. It had been very deliberately placed. There was no way it could have ever been knocked or thrown and landed in that position." I love that the first few times it was like, look what I'm doing, and she's like, well, maybe it's just a coincidence. And then it's like, okay, fine. I'll put it somewhere like impossible.
Em Schulz: Right, right, right.
Christine Schiefer: You know, like you have to prove it almost. Um, "It had been very deliberately placed. There was no way it could have been knocked or thrown and landed in that position. I walked back to our room and asked my boyfriend why he had put the bear there and that if it was a prank, it wasn't funny."
Em Schulz: Mm.
Christine Schiefer: "I got really upset and he told me firmly he had not touched or knocked them at all over the last few weeks and had definitely not put it on the sofa. I'm not particularly sensitive, but I had had weird feelings and experiences in that flat. And so I stood in the hallway and loudly told whatever it was not to move things and that it wasn't welcome. The bears never moved again, though I've never put them out in the years since. Looking back, I don't know if it was a sign from my dad or another family member or just something messing with me, but either way I'm glad it stopped." You know that, I think, Em, I always think back to what you said of like when you saw your grandpa apparition after he had passed and you felt like safe even though there's like a man in your room, you know?
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: And I feel like, I feel like if it were you're dad, you wouldn't be maybe so freaked. I don't know, but I don't know.
Em Schulz: That would be, I don't know. Yeah. I would imagine. I guess that's if they're like fully in the room with you, I have no idea how it works.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: But yeah, there, there are times when like things happen and I know that like it's good vibes and there's other times where I know it's bad vibes, you know?
Christine Schiefer: Right. Right. I guess all you have to do is all you can do is like trust your gut on that. Um. So Zoe says, "Maybe this year I'll get them out and let you know if they decide to move about again?" Which obviously I'm gonna say, do it, do it. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: And film it. Like keep a running security camera pointed at them.
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Ooh, we could do a live stream. We'll just... [laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Maybe this year get them out. Okay. "Hope you enjoyed reading. Somehow when you type out your most profound experiences, they just feel incredibly boring compared to everyone else's, Zoe." No, it's not, it's not.
Em Schulz: You made it on the Listener's Episode. What are you talking about?
Christine Schiefer: Hell yeah. The Christmas one, believe it or not, umm, not that that means anything 'cause we all forgot it was the Christmas one before we... [laughter] Anyway, thank you, Zoe. That is, uh, creepy. I do also wonder if it was a family member, like a friendly spirit or like something just...
Em Schulz: You gotta start doing yes or nos with it. You gotta be like, are you my dad? And then if and move one, but if you're not my dad, move two, you know? Or don't move me...
Christine Schiefer: Move two of the bears. Oh, yeah. I also wonder was it one, was it one specific bear or was it like the three different ones we're all doing different things?
Em Schulz: Yeah. I'd be like, if like yes or no, move the bear to the left or move the bear to the right. You know?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And then I'd be like, shit, which one was left and right?
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I forget which one means yes.
Em Schulz: It's like, wait my left or your left. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. [laughter] My right exactly.
Em Schulz: Okay. We've got one final one and it sounds like it's gonna be a good ender.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm.
Em Schulz: Umm, it's titled "My Dog's Supernatural Secret Santa."
Christine Schiefer: Hello. Okay, I'm in, I'm on, I'm in. I'm on it.
Em Schulz: A, a spectral jar of peanut butter.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Tennis balls rolling down the hall.
Christine Schiefer: And that would be my nightmare because I would probably break my ankle, but yes, that sounds like...
Em Schulz: No, for you it would be just a bunch of dirty socks. Just laid...
Christine Schiefer: It would just, and those actually do kind of just appear around the house, but that's not really a ghost. That's just kind of my bad laundry skills. Yeah.
Em Schulz: That dog loves a dirty sock.
Christine Schiefer: He sure does.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Okay. Uh, and this is from, uh, Adreann, who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. Uh, "Hi Eva, Em and Christine, I would like to dedicate this story to the fur babies of And That's Why We Drink."
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: "I love your podcast and have always wanted to write in my numerous paranormal stories. I decided with the holidays coming up, now would be the time to stop procrastinating and send in a story from last Christmas in case you are looking for festive stories in your episode this year."
Christine Schiefer: Yay. Eva was...
Em Schulz: Thank you.
Christine Schiefer: On it. I wasn't but...
Em Schulz: "This story revolves around my three beloved huskies." That's so sweet.
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: "Named Raynor, Aurora and Odin."
Christine Schiefer: Wow!
Em Schulz: "Those are all perfect husky names." [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Wow!
Em Schulz: "Before I crack into it let me... "
Christine Schiefer: How do you spell Raynor?
Em Schulz: I know.
Christine Schiefer: What is, how do you spell it?
Em Schulz: R-A-Y-N-O-R.
Christine Schiefer: Woah.
Em Schulz: Raynor.
Christine Schiefer: I was just curious.
Em Schulz: "Before I crack into it, first let me paint the scene. The way my living room is set up, we have an L-shaped sectional that borders the front wall of our house. Umm, and it's under a big window cut at the front of the door, making a makeshift hallway leading from the door into the house, then ending, opening up to the living room." Okay. "Our dogs love to greet all guests by jumping up on the couch and lining up one by one on the part of the sectional that makes, that turns the area into a hallway."
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: You know what I mean? Like when you walk in the...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. They, they... It's like you're walking between the wall and the couch sort of the back of the couch?
Em Schulz: Yes, yes.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. And the dogs line up for greetings up.
Em Schulz: They line up for snuggles.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. That's the cutest thing I've ever heard.
Em Schulz: Umm, "Our eldest Husky, Raynor is known as a Woolly husky, which means he has an extra long fluffy coat... "
Christine Schiefer: Wow!
Em Schulz: "Making him look particularly wolf-like.
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: They tend to be quite the jump scare for anyone who isn't used to coming over. And imagine the first thing you see after the door opens is three large wolf-like dogs at eye level right in your face."
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I was gonna say they're also like elevated to your height, you know?
Em Schulz: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause they're on the couch. [laughter]
Em Schulz: "One day last December, about a week before Christmas, my husband and I decided to take a nap after returning home from Christmas shopping. While I was napping, I heard what sounded like two women whispering."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "I figured that I was either in a dreamlike state and imagining the voices, or I was hearing two spirits talking to each other."
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Either one.
Em Schulz: Either way, could be 50/50. "Either way I couldn't bring myself to be too concerned because I was six months pregnant and was not about to get up and investigate."
Christine Schiefer: Oh, forget it.
Em Schulz: "Side note, a little thing about me is that I'm a witch practitioner and have my own clairsentient... "
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: Oh, clairsentient abilities. Oh, okay. I didn't read th... Next part. "I have my own clairsentient abilities and have had experiences with spirits throughout my whole life. Not too much later, after hearing the voices, I began to hear some rustling. The sound that most dog owners know as the sound of your dog getting into something they shouldn't be."
Christine Schiefer: I mean, like immediately was like, shit. I know. I know.
Em Schulz: "Still I couldn't be bothered to get up from the warmth of my bed. And we finally finished our nap and we go out into the living room to see what our mischievous babies have gotten into, but all we saw was them playing with a stuffed alligator dog toy. Funny enough, while out shopping earlier, one of the toys I'd gotten my dogs as a Christmas present was a stuffed alligator, only I knew I had hidden their toys so they couldn't find them."
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: "Puzzled on how they managed to get the toy out of the closet I hid it in, I took the toy from them, and realized it wasn't the same stuffed alligator."
Christine Schiefer: What! [laughter]
Em Schulz: "I thought, well, this is weird. Then I saw another toy on the floor that I'd never seen before. I asked my husband if I had bought these or if he had bought these, and he told me he hadn't. Looking around some more, I then find a grocery bag that was tied closed and had been torn open by my dogs with another three dog toys in it."
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: "All the toys still had tags on them. And we were so confused. We knew these toys had not been here before our nap. And we thought maybe one of our family members had stopped and dropped them off while we were sleeping. The only thing was the front door was locked. And now we do have a few family members who have a spare key to our home, but all of them swear up and down that none of them had dropped off the toys. My side of the family is full of pranksters and we really thought they were just messing with us to get a little, to get us a little paranoid. Eventually, we figured someone would own up to it, but no one ever did. It's worth noting... "
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: "That neither of us had heard any knocking on the door while we were sleeping. And even if we had slept through it, we had, we wouldn't be able to sleep through the sound of all three huskies howling if someone was at the door."
Christine Schiefer: True. You'd, you'd know. Like, I feel like...
Em Schulz: Huskies are loud. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Huskies are talkers. You know? [chuckle]
Em Schulz: Uh, "Almost a year later and my dog's secret Santa still remains a mystery. And I like to think the gifts were brought, uh, to them by my late brother who passed away a few years ago."
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: "He, he loved the dogs and this isn't the first supernatural incident that's happened with the dog since his passing. On multiple occasions, I've found my dogs let out of their crates when I know their crates were locked. Even find... "
Christine Schiefer: Hah! That's me as a ghost. Let them free.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: "And even finding the lock, the locking system still in place. So I know it's not that they were just wiggling it loose. I believe my brother... "
Christine Schiefer: Oh, my god!
Em Schulz: "I believe my brother likes to come play with them."
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: Umm, "And thank you for reading my story. I'll be sure to write in some more stories another time. Happy holidays."
Christine Schiefer: What a fucking story.
Em Schulz: And like for them to be the same type of toys that you got them like it was an alligator and like...
Christine Schiefer: That's weird. Okay. Can I tell you something like, because I, I don't know if you could tell, probably not because you were reading, but I had like kind of a reaction when you said that.
Em Schulz: Why?
Christine Schiefer: And I'm like sweating a lot. Okay.
Em Schulz: Why?
Christine Schiefer: Because I recently was reading a book about like signs from your past loved ones by Laura Lynne Jackson, who's like a psychic medium. And, umm, I was reading it and I, it's like it said, you know, come up with a specific sign, umm, for your loved ones to like show you or whatever. And so I came up with a sign for my grandmother to show me and I was like, if you are around, can you bring up an alligator?
Em Schulz: Shut up!
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Dead serious. [chuckle] And the reason...
Em Schulz: Well, your grandma's says hi, apparently.
Christine Schiefer: The reason I said alligator is because weirdly, I couldn't think of a sign. I was like, I don't know. Like it has to be specific, but also like something memorable you know I just like couldn't come up with something that like made sense and then that night I had a dream that I walked into the dining room of my house and saw a giant stuffed alligator on the table and I woke up and I was like, okay, I guess stuffed, I guess stuffed alligator is my sign and literally when you said...
Em Schulz: It's a stuffed alligator.
Christine Schiefer: It's playing with stuffed alligator like my whole body just I...
Em Schulz: Shut up.
Christine Schiefer: Went into Tyler's like freeze [laughter] mode I was like wait what did you just say?
Em Schulz: Oh, my god you Tyler just sitting on the same bed freaked out about...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, with the priest is just like...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, wow.
Christine Schiefer: Anyway that just like got me like really wow anyway.
Em Schulz: It's a final Christmas holiday miracle.
Christine Schiefer: Hi Oma oh, my god sorry, Eva just texted, "I just got a stuffed alligator at the party I went to with my dad this weekend."
Em Schulz: What?
Christine Schiefer: What in the world is going on? [laughter]
Em Schulz: I don't have anything about a stuffed alligator, I don't know what...
Christine Schiefer: You're gonna like leave the room and be like what's that plastic bag on the doorknob?
Em Schulz: Right, right, right it'll be a bunch of chewed-up dog toys from the huskies.
Christine Schiefer: Like slobbery toys. I wanted to also say that I do have one more sign that for my grandmother that I'm not going to reveal but maybe it'll like come up you know in some other future episode.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: But that's pretty, that's pretty wild. So anyway, stuffed alligator.
Em Schulz: Wow. Well, tell your mom she would like that.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Well, it's my dad's mom so I'll tell him but he, oh, my god he was a cute little photo with the stuffed alligator, that's adorable. Umm, anyway.
Em Schulz: Aw, I had, I had no idea. Well, geez, I mean that feels a little, I don't know how that works, how the universe works but that's super eerie.
Christine Schiefer: You guys should read that book, though. I put it in the, uh, the newsletter. Like, what do you call it? A recommendation a few months ago, but, umm, it's called Signs, I think, by Laura Lynn Jackson. Anyway, it's really like comforting to read, so.
Em Schulz: Mm. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Wow. What a tale, dude.
Em Schulz: There you have it. All right.
Christine Schiefer: All right. We do have one more story. This is called A Christmas Ghost Story. What if this is where my other sign comes in? I doubt it. Okay. A Christmas Ghost Story Personal. "I'm not sure how else to start this," oh, this is from Abra, she/her. "I'm not sure how else to start this besides saying with no doubt in any of our minds, my mother's house is haunted as fuck." Oh, gosh. Okay. [laughter] Oh, goodness. Oh, goodness me.
Em Schulz: Oh, my.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, my, my. "My mother's house is haunted as fuck, like poltergeist shit and they've always loved me." Oh, no. "From the first time we stepped foot into what would be my room, great, we've heard a little girl but in all the years I lived there I had never seen her until Christmas 2017."
Em Schulz: Mmm.
Christine Schiefer: I was the first in my family to be done getting ready a Christmas miracle, to be honest." [laughter] Uh, anyway. Oh, Abra. I'm sorry. "To Christine, like Kadabra. To Em, like the Pokemon."
Em Schulz: I understand.
Christine Schiefer: I understand. She/her, either way. Okay. Sorry. Abra. Uh, anyway, "I was the first of my family to be done getting ready. A Christmas miracle, to be honest. Sitting alone downstairs in our living room, which displays the staircase prominently, something caught my eye. There was a little girl sitting on our MF staircase." [laughter]
Em Schulz: Fucking bye.
Christine Schiefer: Bye. "She didn't seem to notice me at first." Ew. "And as I was sitting there trying to figure out if she was real or not, she looked up at me with, in no exaggeration, the biggest eyes I've ever seen."
Em Schulz: Ugh. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: "They weren't all black," shout out, black-eyed kids,
Em Schulz: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: "But they were a special kind of dark against her pale skin and long dark hair." Oh, no.
Em Schulz: Oh, my God.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, no. "I would get the same random violent sickness for years after this, no matter how healthy I was prior."
Em Schulz: That feels like a black-eyed kid.
Christine Schiefer: "But only on Christmas." Oh, that's extra evil.
Em Schulz: Oh! That is pretty. That's pretty awful.
Christine Schiefer: You're right. It does because that is one of the side effects. Like...
Em Schulz: 'Cause they make you like really ill?
Christine Schiefer: Physically ill. Oowf.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Like there was like those stories I did where like all they did was like look through the peephole at one of the black-eyed kids and they had like they were diagnosed the next week with like really intense cancer or something.
Christine Schiefer: Like cancer yeah. Okay. "But only on Christmas. While this really sucked as I love Christmas it did get me out of midnight mass a few times." And then it says, "So sleigh." And it's spelled S-L-E-I-G-H.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Abra is like bringing the sass. Okay.
Em Schulz: Like we're gonna make a good thing out of this.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah I love that for you. "But our story doesn't end there. That next year, my partner at the time, Josh, he/him, came to live with us for a while. He went across the hall to our bathroom that was equally as unsettling as my bedroom. When he came back, he looked shook as hell. I asked, what's the matter? And he said, I know this sounds crazy, but I swear to God, I just saw a little girl in your bathroom."
Em Schulz: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: "I asked what she looked like. 'She had long, dark hair and she was really pale, but her eyes, dude, they were massive.'"
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: "I had never told him that story." Ooh.
Em Schulz: I was gonna say, but if you've got a boyfriend that's living with you, you might want to warn him about that damn house.
Christine Schiefer: This is like that other couple who was I asked my girlfriend if it was on and she said no. I'm like lies, lies.
Em Schulz: I would be, if I moved in this... If Allison's house had a little girl that makes you violently ill on holidays? I would be I did not, okay, it's like that uninformed consent.
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: I moved into this damn house...
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: And you didn't warn me that I could run into this girl?
Christine Schiefer: It's like that's a lie by omission, is what that is called. And I'm pretty sure in a court of law, I'd be right.
Em Schulz: I'd be like what the fuck... I'd be like Jesus Christ. Like had I known I would never enjoy Christmas again, I might have not moved in here.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, had I known, I'd be vomiting every Christmas. Yeah, forget it. [laughter] And then she says, "Spooky Christmas to all and to all a good night. Abra, like Kadabra, like the Pokemon." [laughter]
Em Schulz: Got it.
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck? Okay.
Em Schulz: I have to know if the boyfriend started getting violently ill.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh, great point. Well, I wonder if he saw, but it sounds like he saw her on a different day, like not on Christmas. Like she saw the girl on Christmas. I wonder if like that same thing happened to him that day of the year, but he just doesn't put it together. You know.
Em Schulz: Yeah, I would be like go back through your photos and everything figure out a date we gotta keep track of that.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And then like I know it says your former partner but like check on that day, check every year, hey, how are you feeling today? Just like check in.
Em Schulz: And honestly if he did something really fucked up for you to make him your former partner then maybe the little girl was helping you out. I don't know, maybe...
Christine Schiefer: Great point. Maybe she's like get the fuck out of here who the hell are you?
Em Schulz: Maybe she was like I see you with my big fucking eyes. I don't like what's going on here.
Christine Schiefer: I can see you with my giant owl eyes. Uh, whoa. That really does sound like a black-eyed kid. Sorry.
Em Schulz: Yeah. It sounds like she's on her way.
Christine Schiefer: But like also... Somebody... [laughter]
Em Schulz: Black-eyed kid in training.
Christine Schiefer: She's evolving. Yeah. Umm, in training, yeah. Ouch. I wonder who invited her in, though. Like don't they have to be invited in? Maybe the previous tenant.
Em Schulz: Maybe it was... Yeah, I was gonna say maybe like the previous family member? And that's an interesting, umm, for like, like a philosophy of like if you're a black-eyed kid or like a vampire or something, you should be invited in, does that mean the foundation, once you're welcomed on, it's forever or is it...
Christine Schiefer: Right, like... If there's new property owners, do they now need to invite you in? Or is it you're grandfathered in?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Or grand-black-eyed kidded in. I don't know.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: You get it.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, yeah, interesting. Well, let us know. Since you seem to be going through it.
Christine Schiefer: Let us know.
Em Schulz: Wow. All right. Well, I think that's all of our stories. So thank you, everybody, for sending in stories. Happy holidays.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: I hope everyone's having, uh, a good December. Also, umm, I know it's December 1st, so hopefully, so far it's going well.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Good December. Yeah. Don't worry if you're not, there's still time to make it up.
Em Schulz: This is also a quick reminder that we are back on tour next month...
Christine Schiefer: Ah!
Em Schulz: And, uh, that does give me a full-blown panic attack...
Christine Schiefer: I suddenly have to use the potty. I don't like that you said that out loud.
Em Schulz: I'm gonna hang up, and then I'm gonna scream into a pillow about it, but, umm...
Christine Schiefer: Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Em Schulz: You shouldn't, you might enjoy it as the audience member. So, umm, if you would like to come to one of our apparently Northeast shows, then you can get yourself some tickets. And this is your last...
Christine Schiefer: Or Indianapolis.
Em Schulz: Or Indianapolis. This is your last chance to see On the Rocks because when we go back out on tour in the fall, it will be a different show. So this is your last shot at seeing On the Rocks, so.
Christine Schiefer: And Canada. Sorry, I'm just thinking of where we're going.
Em Schulz: And...
Christine Schiefer: We got some, umm, midwest shows too.
Em Schulz: And...
Christine Schiefer: That's...
Em Schulz: Why...
Christine Schiefer: We...
Em Schulz: Drink.