Listener Stories: Vol. 113

Stories:

1: Everything Has a Ghost, Even the Moon - Ryan (He/Him)
2: Little League Alien - Mare (She/Her)
3: Full moon spirit capturing - Katie (She/her)
4: Laughing Ghosts and the Full Halloween Moon - Sarah (she/her)
5: Wine stealing UFO - D. (they/them)
6: Seaweed Queen of the Underworld - River (they/them)

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It’s March which has us asking at what point do we officially feel like it’s the new year? This month’s theme is full moon stories submitted by Patron, B! From terrifying alien encounters to laughing ghosts these stories truly bring the goosecam. And let us know what your favorite moon phase is! …and that’s why we drink!

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Transcript

[intro music]

Em: Girl, it’s March.

Christine: What?

Em: I know. We are a sixth done with this year.

Christine: [sighs]

Em: Thank god.

Christine: That’s a sixth done. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Em: Two twelfths.

Christine: [chuckles] Yeah, you’re right. Yeah.

Em: Yeah, yeah.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: Very nice. Eight weeks. 8 out of 52.

Christine: Would you say like– ’Cause I feel like there’s a point in the year when you realize you’re not thinking of the year as like the last y–

Em: Mm.

Christine: I feel like I always hit this point where I’m like, “Oh, it’s 2026.”

Em: It’s usually by March.

Christine: I feel like March is where it starts to really sink in that we’re stuck in–

Em: [laughs]

Christine: –in this particular time at this particular moment, you know.

Em: Agreed. Yeah, yeah.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: No, 2026. Uh, it’s starting to feel that way. I think I, um– I’m almost there. So maybe by actual March, ’cause we’re obviously recording this in advance, that I’ll, I’ll feel that way.

Christine: That’s right. Yes. We’re still in the thick of not understanding our time and place in the universe right now. So bear with us please as we read you these listener tales.

Em: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you to everybody who wrote something in whenever you chose to. Could have been yesterday, could have been nine years ago. Um– [laughs]

Christine: Yeah. No, but that’s, that’s the fun roulette of this particular game we do. Yeah.

Em: We’ll never, we’ll never know. But, um, luckily, we did– Uh, we reached out to Patreon, uh– or to our our patrons–

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: – I always forget how to, how to actually say that – um, for a topic request. We had, um– Thank you, Eva, for picking the request. Anyway, the topic this week– or this month is full moons. Love that.

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: And that was suggested by– Oh my gosh. Who was it suggested by?

Christine: B!

Em: Thank you. [laughs]

Christine: Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scream.

Em: No, I couldn’t, I couldn’t find it in time. Thank you, B. Great topic suggestion. I’m surprised we have not covered full moon stories.

Christine: I’m shocked we haven’t done any sort of lunar– ’Cause– Well, as we record this, yesterday was the new moon, and yesterday signified the start of our entry into the year of the fire horse.

Em: Mm-hmm.

Christine: And, um, so it was a big astrological time, and I just kept thinking about it, but it never occurred to me to do stories about the moon. That’s so fun.

Em: Yeah. I, uh– Do you have a favorite phase of moon?

Christine: Yes. Thank you for asking. People don’t ask that enough.

Em: I know. If it were a first date, I would ask.

Christine: I’m really into a waxing gibbous is what I’ll say.

Em: I would be so basic and just say full moon.

Christine: Oh, I see. Well, I do love a full moon. I think the excitement of the waxing is that it’s becoming a full moon.

Em: Mm.

Christine: So it’s like, “Ooh, almost, any day now. Here comes a full moon.”

Em: That’s fun. I would have–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: I would have really respected that answer, um, if it were a first date. I recently had a, a–

Christine: Imagine if it was on that MySpace quiz that we used to take.

Em: [chuckles] You know what?

Christine: Those MySpace quizzes. [chuckles]

Em: I would have been like, “This bitch is crazy. I love her.” Um–

Christine: Yeah, “This bitch is fucking nuts.“ [laughs]

Em: No, I had a f– I told you I had a friend date, a first friend date recently.

Christine: Yeah. How did that go?

Em: Not good. Um, and I, I asked questions like that, and I think that’s not her vibe. Um, that’s okay.

Christine: Oh no.

Em: Honestly, f– I think I told you this already. Five minutes in, we both knew we did not like each other, so we just said awkwardly–

Christine: Wait, no. You’ve not told me this.

Em: Okay.

Christine: When would I have heard about this?

Em: I, I feel like I said the whole thing on the podcast at some point, but, uh– No, we realized–

Christine: No, we– When we last spoke, I be–

Em: –we did not like each other. [laughs]

Christine: Wow. No, when we last spoke, I believe that you were– you had just committed to the friend date.

Em: Oh, I see.

Christine: I don’t think I even heard the aftermath at all.

Em: No, I’ve had a few friend dates recently, and, uh, a lot of them have gone very, very well, and this one was a real stinkfest, but neither of us liked each other so it was fine. Like–

Christine: But– And, and I feel like part of that is like oh, that feels like okay, at least you’re secure in knowing like, “Oh, that’s just not for me,” you know.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Like it’s not like it– ’Cause I feel like when in your 20s you’re trying to figure it out, and you’re like forcing friendships or you’re like, “Oh, this is the kind of person on paper I would–“ But like if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.

Em: I think it was one of those situations where I– I’ve never had this before. I’m sure others have and can say that this is a, a normal feeling, but, um, we had incredible texting energy for like two weeks before we hung out.

Christine: [gasps] That’s a real thing. That’s a real thing.

Em: And then after the dinner, we both ghosted each other, and it honestly– the only feeling I had was “thank god” because I did not wanna have to like play this out, you know. Um–

Christine: No. Wow. Okay. So it’s a mutual ghosting. Listen, I’m all–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: –mad respect for a mutual ghosting in my–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: –humble Gemini flighty opinion, you know.

Em: It’s because it was mutual. If, if I was really feeling it– But neither of us were. I knew– I could smell it on her that she was not feeling it either.

Christine: And that’s gonna just amplify it in your own– you know, it’s just gonna be like a self-fulfilling prophecy at that point. You’re like, “Okay, we both know what’s happening.” Yeah.

Em: It’s like, “I’ll never see you again after this.”

Christine: Well, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s a bummer. But, you know–

Em: I’m not. That’s fine. No–

Christine: –they can’t all be winners, you know? And then also like when you have something like that, you’re like, “Oh, see that makes like the friends I have made like that much more of a–“

Em: Yeah. No, I think–

Christine: “–legit connection.”

Em: The other friend dates I’ve been on, um, they went so well that I think this one didn’t– was fine.

Christine: It was bound to have a little– Yeah.

Em: If all of them were like this, I’d start having my doubts.

Christine: Yeah, you’d be like, “What’s going on?” Yeah, yeah.

Em: Yeah. But anyway, I did– I think one of the reasons she didn’t like me is because I asked fuck-ass questions like that where I was like, “What’s your favorite type of moon?”

Christine: [laughs]

Em: And I think she was like, “I don’t know and don’t care.”

Christine: Like, “This is not for me.” Wow. Really?

Em: Yeah.

Christine: I’m surprised by that.

Em: She wasn’t quirky. She was like [chuckles] normal. [laughs]

Christine: She was– Oh, see that’s not for me either, you know, but I– you know.

Em: I, I wanted the weird– the weirdo. I wanted a weirdo.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: Anyway, it’s okay. You’re not weird, I guess, if you’re listening to this, congratulations.

Christine: Yeah, I guess if you answered with your favorite moon and didn’t say, “Um, that’s not for me,” then maybe you and Em would be friends. If not, seems like it’s not gonna match. But that’s okay.

Em: That’s okay. We learned a lot about each other. I learned you don’t have a favorite moon. But I learned you have a favorite moon.

Christine: Thanks.

Em: And that’s why this works. I’m telling you. I, uh– Anyway, that’s– How did we get here? Oh, moons. That’s the topic of today. [laughs]

Christine: You know, the silly thing is you can just say “full moon,” and you would have been like, “That’s a great answer,” you know. It’s not like you have to come up with something crazy like a waxing gib– Like you don’t need to make a show of it like a spectacle like I do, you know, about everything. So like you could just say full moon, and then it’s like, “Okay, that’s an open-mi– open way to answer that question.” I don’t know.

Em: What, what shape is a waxing gibbous? What does it look like?

Christine: So it’s where, it’s where the– [chuckles] Oh my god, my brain. I’m like trying to– ’Cause I learned it where with the X and then I think of it as prescription– Never mind. It really doesn’t make sense when I say it out loud. Um–

Em: It’s okay. I’m with you. I’m trying.

Christine: It’s where it’s getting bigger. [laughs] It’s not waning. It’s waxing.

Em: Is it like, is it like where it’s almost a full circle, but there’s like a little chip that hasn’t–

Christine: Yeah. It’s, it’s growing into a full moon. Yeah.

Em: Right.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: What’s the toenail looking one?

Christine: That’s a crescent.

Em: I like her.

Christine: Mhm. That’s a crescent. A toenail one is really be– very like mystical too I think. Yeah, yeah.

Em: Yeah. I like that.

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: Okay. Good to know.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: Would you like to tell the first story since, um–

Christine: Oh, I– Thank you so much. Man, you are just like such a, um, a gentleman today. Like–

Em: Really? I feel like I just keep talking and not shutting the fuck up.

Christine: No, you’re like, “What kind of moon do you like? Hey, why don’t you go ahead?” I don’t know.

Em: Oh.

Christine: It’s really, uh–

Em: I– Please.

Christine: Listen, here I go on my red carpet.

Story 1 – Everything Has a Ghost, Even the Moon

Christine: Okay, this is from Ryan (he/him). Love that for all of us.

Em: Love that.

Christine: Uh, the subject of this is “Everything Has a Ghost, Even the Moon.” Okay. I love this already so much.

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: [singing] ♪ ”Hello” ♪♪

Em: This is what I wanted at that dinner. I’m telling you that.

Christine: Tha– Yes, exactly. And you know what?

Em: A ghost on the moon.

Christine: Some people, some people just have no taste, you know. [laughs]

Em: I know.

Christine: “I hope you all are doing fantastic. Your stories have become a lifesaver on my commute to work every day, and I have a story I think you might be interested in. This happened a little under a year ago while I was driving home from grad school. The drive is about 3 and 1/2 hours and takes me through very rural cornfields of the Midwest. It was the dead of winter and the turn of the new year, so the sun was setting very early in the day.” Oh, good. And you’re in the middle of a fucking corn field. This is gonna go super great.

Em: Couldn’t be, couldn’t be s– couldn’t start the story better.

Christine: Couldn’t– Yeah, nothing bad– Nothing good can happen from here on out. “On this specific drive, I was not able to leave until the sun had already set, so the whole drive was going to be in the dark. I had done this drive a good amount of times by now and knew the route by heart, but I still use a navigation app just to be extra cautious.” Smart. “Half an hour into the drive, the night was completely upon me, and the moon was shining full and bright. I could see car lights in front and behind me. I passed a few cars every minute or so, and it felt good knowing there were other people on the road, although ever since I left, I had this strange feeling. When people talk about having strange feelings, they usually say they feel it in their stomach or gut, but this was different. I felt it in my hands.”

Em: Oh, I’ve never had that.

Christine: Interesting.

Em: Have you had that?

Christine: I feel a lot of things in my hands, but over the years I’ve learned I think it’s like a, [chuckles] a trauma response.

Em: A circulation issue. [chuckles]

Christine: [laughs] It’s a circulation issue. I’ve got restless leg syndrome. It’s– [laughs]

Em: In my fingers. Yeah. [chuckles]

Christine: [laughs] Uh, no. I think it’s like a trauma response. So I don’t know. But I– Remember when we first started, um, doing the show, like I would talk about how I would feel like my left arm would start tingling?

Em: Yeah.

Christine: And you were like, “You’re having a heart attack.” [laughs]

Em: [laughs] See, it’s medical, surely.

Christine: Anyway, interesting.

Em: So, okay.

Christine: I’ve– I– But I, but I don’t know where we’re going with this, so I don’t know if that’s the same or not, but–

Em: Okay.

Christine: [chuckles] Uh–

Em: If it ends with him in a hospital, then we know.

Christine: Yeah, that’s true. With circulation issues, yeah. Okay. “I felt this in my hands, and the feeling was heavy, like anchors trying to slow me down.”

Em: Hm.

Christine: “I figured I was probably just getting a little tired and focused on driving. While most of the drive is straight through cornfields, there is one area where I have to drive through a patch of trees and over a bridge before taking a hard curve north. I remember it so well since it is one of the only spots where the road takes such a hard turn. I was approaching the trees, and the feeling in my hands became heavier. I kept peering down at them and tried stretching out my fingers to make the feeling go away. Suddenly, I was at the turn and had to focus on going around the curve. The trees blocked my view of the sky, and any headlights in front or behind me were cut off as well. As I came out of the curve and the last few trickles of trees, I knew something was wrong. I didn’t know what it was at first, but I soon looked up at the sky and could not believe what I was seeing. The moon had grown what seemed like five times–“

Em: [gasps]

Christine: “–its normal size.” [chuckles]

Em: Eugh. Oh my god.

Christine: [laughs]

Em: So the sky is the moon. You’re just in the moon.

Christine: I’m scared.

Em: What is he like a– like space traveling?

Christine: Yeah.

Em: Crazy.

Christine: That’s freaky, dude. Okay. I, I don’t know why that scared me so much. “The moon had grown what seemed like five times its normal size. The color and shape were the same, but its heavy, bright presence sat in the dark sky, immovable.”

Em: Mm.

Christine: “I don’t know the best way of explaining it, but basically, if you took a coin and held it up to the sky at arms length, you would see the approximate size of the normal moon. But the moon I was seeing was much larger than that. It was like if you took an apple or baseball and held it up instead of a coin.”

Em: Agh.

Christine: Eugh. [sighs] “I also noticed all the car lights behind and in front of me were gone.”

Em: Omg.

Christine: Stop. Doesn’t that feel like simulation? Like I don’t– That’s freaky, dude.

Em: Yeah, I feel like you accidentally got dragged out of your like–

Christine: Into like a different– Yeah.

Em: It’s like the Sim accidentally got picked up and brought to a different house–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: –and it’s like, “Wait a minute.” [chuckles]

Christine: “This one’s way closer to the moon.” [laughs]

Em: [laughs] Yeah. No, I would be– I would absolutely have a panic attack.

Christine: Like maybe you ended up on like Mercury for a second, you know?

Em: Yeah. Is–

Christine: Wait, no, that’s the wrong– That’s the– [laughs]

Em: I understood where you were though.

Christine: That’s the sun. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that.

Em: My, my thought like– Can you astral project outside of Earth?

Christine: You can. Yes.

Em: Yikes. Okay. Well.

Christine: Yeah, you absolutely can.

Em: Yuck.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: No thank you for me.

Christine: Yeah. Yeah, that’s a no, dog. Thanks anyway. Hey, here we go. Okay, so yikes. All the lights were gone around. Uh, let’s see. “The darkness surrounding me and the endless feels felt somehow darker than night. The only light I had other than the moon was from my headlights and the navigation app lit up on my phone. I peered down at the app and saw that I currently did not have any service.” Oh god. Oh god. This is like a Twilight Zone episode, you know.

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: Like, oh my god.

Em: I like it’s like, “There’s no service in space.” Like, and also I imagine if–

Christine: Yeah, yeah.

Em: –if your car headlights are on, what is it flashing on? ’Cause it feels like you’re so close to the moon that you almost can’t even like, like it would just hit the moon. Like the lights wouldn’t reflect on anything else.

Christine: Well, five times the moon’s normal size I feel like is like– You’d see it still–

Em: I feel like it takes up your whole vision. No?

Christine: No. I feel like if it were– Well.

Em: Like I guess I’m thinking about like the biggest moon I’ve ever seen at a normal scale and then bop, bop, bop. I still feel like you’re like driving down the road straight into the moon.

Christine: Yeah…

Em: Am I a crazy person?

Christine: No, I think– Like I’m picturing it more like it’s up in the sky, but it just appears a lot bigger and closer.

Em: I, I, I just–

Christine: ’Cause I mean, I don’t know.

Em: A-also w– T-tell me he stopped the car.

Christine: If–

Em: Is he still driving?

Christine: I don’t know. Great question. [chuckles]

Em: Girl, turn off the car. Oh my god. [laughs]

Christine: [laughs] Maybe. I don’t know. Um, yikes. Okay, let’s find out. Let’s see. Uh, “The only light I had o–“ Well, but also he’s going around this huge curve–

Em: Right.

Christine: –in the middle of the night.

Em: Eugh.

Christine: “The only light I had other than the moon was from my headlights and the navigation app lit up on my phone. I peered down at the app and saw that–“ Oh, and he also said it’s like holding up a baseball. So–

Em: Eugh.

Christine: –it’s like–

Em: Oh, yeah.

Christine: –so like– Yeah.

Em: So it’s– Okay. So you can still see, see other things going on.

Christine: But that’s freaky, dude, to see like the moon that you see every single day like suddenly– I had a nightmare like that once that a planet was coming towards us. Anyway.

Em: I mean, yeah. I would think like a meteor crash or something or–

Christine: Scary.

Em: Is the moon coming to us or are we coming to the moon? Ah!

Christine: [chuckles] Neither one’s really good, I think. Okay. “The darkness around–“ [mutters in gibberish as she finds her spot] Um, “I didn’t have any servi–“

Em: [laughs] Anyway, the darkness [mimics Christine’s gibberish.]

Christine: [laughs] [gibberish] Speaking in tongues. Okay. The, uh– [gibberish as she searches for her spot] “–peered down at the phone– at the app and saw I currently did not have any service and my location had drifted into the middle of the fields.” Okay. This is not great.

Em: So you– He was transported.

Christine: ’Cause think about the mag– Think about the magnet of the moon.

Em: Ooh. [sighs]

Christine: And now your magnetism, your gravity, you’re all fucked up in that way. Like you’re– [gasps] That’s so creepy, dude.

Em: Oh my god.

Christine: Oh my gosh. Okay. Um, “I wondered if I should try to get off at the next exit and give myself a moment to figure out what was going on, but I realized there were no exits off the road anymore.”

Em: What?

Christine: Okay, so someone in the op– in the room, in the control room is like, “Shit, we got to get him back in the like right timeline.” I feel like they’re all–

Em: “Control alt delete every distraction.”

Christine: Yes. “Control Z, control Z, control Z. Like don’t let him get off the highway.”

Em: [laughs]

Christine: Oh, this is so creepy, dude. Okay. Uh, “I drove for maybe 15 minutes and still no other cars, exits, or even poles or buildings.” Oh my god. “All I had was the giant moon and the endless darkness. I was getting worried at this point, could not figure out the best move. Then, just as suddenly as before, this heavy darkness was gone. The normal night sky came flooding back in, and my eyes had to adjust. It was blurry for a few moments, and I had to slow down ’cause it was hard to see the road. I blinked frantically for my vision to come back, and when it did, everything was normal again. The feeling in my hands was gone. The lights of other cars flickered around me, and the moon was normal size again.”

Em: Mm.

Christine: Yuck. “The rest of my drive was uneventful, but I was so anxious to get home. I was too tired by the time I got home to try and figure out what happened. I just needed to get into bed. I looked at the clock and realized it took me way longer to get home than it should have.”

Em: Yeah.

Christine: [gasps]

Em: And I, I feel like the– being incredibly tired happens after like being abducted or something.

Christine: Yeah. Ew. So maybe that was just like a simul– like a, like a screen memory that the aliens put in.

Em: I feel like–

Christine: Like, “Oh, here’s your moon.”

Em: I feel like his car was, was in the middle of getting beamed up and then one of the like supervisors on the UFO was like, “Oh, not that one,” and they put him back down.

Christine: [laughs]

Em: Like he was like half abducted, you know? It feels like he like has–

Christine: Just– [laughs]

Em: –still kind of like the weird like, like, um–

Christine: That must feel really shitty though to get like rejected from an abduction. Like, mm.

Em: I just know you’d write a whole book about it. You’d be like–

Christine: I would.

Em: [laughs]

Christine: I’m going to, even now.

Em: Like a memoir?

Christine: Yeah, I think I’m gonna write one anyway, just in case.

Em: No, I– but I feel like it’s something, something pulled him closer to the sky it feels like. And then–

Christine: Yes.

Em: But he didn’t go full abduction.

Christine: Yeah, but the fact that he was like for 15 minutes this– the moon was so much closer is so weird too.

Em: I don’t know. It feels–

Christine: So I’m like– It feels like a screen memory, you know, which is when they say they abduct you and then they put a memory in but it’s like off.

Em: That’s what that’s called. Okay.

Christine: Like you think back and you’re like, “That’s like that’s weird though. Like I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t do that,” or “that doesn’t make sense.” It’s like how they perceive– They just like, “Oh, here’s your moon and your fields,” you know?

Em: Yeah. And they like–

Christine: And it’s like not right.

Em: The dimensions were off.

Christine: Yeah. Eugh.

Em: I like how that’s like just a default video on their computer that they’re like putting it–

Christine: Right?

Em: –in our brains.

Christine: It’s like a screen saver or something that they’re just like putting you in for a minute.

Em: Yeah. Interesting. Interesting.

Christine: Yuck. I don’t know. Anyway, that feels kind of weird, but okay. Um, “the rest of my drive was uneventful. Uh, it took a full hour and a half longer than normal,” the drive. “The next day, my mom told me that she tried calling me a few times, but I had no notifications of anyone calling me during the drive. Now with more energy, I decided to try and figure out what happened. I could not come up with any good explanation other than my tired imagination somehow getting the better of me. I searched online through forums to see if others had similar experiences, but nothing was coming up. The last topic I searched for was the current phases of the moon, and I was terrified when I saw the search results. According to every source last night, the phase was supposedly a new moon, not a full moon.”

Em: Mm. Oh, so you’re totally– I feel like you’re right about this screen saver nonsense.

Christine: What the fuck?

Em: They’re like, “Here’s a moon. Don’t ask questions.”

Christine: They didn’t even think about– Yeah. Oh, the fact that you find out it wasn’t even a full moon, that is so sinister.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: Totally an image implanted in some way is–

Christine: [sighs]

Em: I’m not some like a conspiracy crazy person, but I feel–

Christine: That’s my gut, man.

Em: Makes, makes sense to me.

Christine: “If it was a new moon, I should not have been able to see it at all. Yet somehow my whole drive home, I saw a full and bright moon hanging up in the sky. I was super creeped out by this discovery, but did not know what else I could do about it. It did remind me of a story I heard from a friend in college. Their grandparents live in Arizona, about an hour outside of Phoenix. They said their grandparents believed in something called a ‘ghost moon,’ some type of ethereal cosmic presence that came out during new moons and played tricks on an–“ I have chills right now.

Em: That’s my new favorite moon. [laughs]

Christine: I’m freaking out. That’s am– Em, change your answer. And I–

Em: Ghost moon.

Christine: I’m gonna hop on the bandwagon ’cause that’s kickass.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Um, that’s– really gave me chills. “–and played tricks on anyone going out under the night sky.”

Em: Eugh.

Christine: [sighs] “They said to have seen it twice before, and while I did not want to believe in a folk story– this folk story, I couldn’t stop thinking about it for a few days after. It has been about a year since that night happened, and I try not to think too much about it even today. But there is one thing I know for certain: whatever I saw in the sky that night, it was not the moon.”

Em: Eugh.

Christine: Oh my god. “Thanks for listening, Ryan.” Perf.

Em: Horrific.

Christine: That’s just terrible.

Em: Horrific. Um–

Christine: Sorry we imme-immediately went alien, but that’s just the only thing I could think of.

Em: I, I wonder if full moon is going to accidentally become a little more UFO themed, especially because our next story is alien themed. So I feel like maybe just moon, lunar, space, UFO–

Christine: Mm.

Em: –all kind of fold into each other.

Christine: Interesting. Okay.

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Story 2 – Little League Alien

Em: Our next one is from Mare, who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the subject line is “Little League Alien,” which is precious.

Christine: Ooh! [chuckles] Okay.

Em: And Mare says, “I grew up in a rural area of upstate New York near Rome, and we spent a lot of time being little degenerates at a–“

Christine: [chuckles]

Em: “–Little League field about a quarter mile from my house and my cousin’s house. My cousin, myself, and other neighborhood kids always felt like something was kind of off there. One time, when my cousin and I were 12 to 13, we were chasing each other through the woods around the Little League field with airsoft guns. The sun was getting lower, so I yelled to my cousin that we needed to get home and ran out of the woods. I thought he showed up right ahead of me, um, but he came out of the woods on the opposite side of the field. We were both so confused. Like, ‘Wasn’t I just chasing you through the woods?’”

Christine: Mm.

Em: And yet, they came from different areas.

Christine: Yuck.

Em: “He and I both said we were chasing each other, but clearly not because we weren’t anywhere near each other.”

Christine: [sucks in deep breath]

Em: Doppelgänger ghost children. I ha–

Christine: Yeah, that’s not good. That’s not good.

Em: Can’t stand that. “We convinced ourselves that maybe we were both chasing deer or something–“

Christine: [chuckles]

Em: “–that we never felt right– or so– but that never felt right because we had grown up in these woods and knew the difference between four legs and two legs.” [laughs]

Christine: I would think so. I would think so.

Em: Uh, “–four-legged or two-legged sounds.” Sorry. Also probably different amounts of legs.

Christine: Also a deer and a person. Yeah.

Em: [chuckles] Uh, “About ten years later, I was at the same Little League field with my then boyfriend, and we were just–“

Christine: Ooh.

Em: “–hanging out, in a new relationship, being all cute and gross, and it was a full moon, very bright in an almost cloudless sky, which is rare in upstate New York. We were just bullshitting, looking at the stars, when we saw someone come out of the woods–“

Christine: [gasps]

Em: “–where there was an entrance to a little trail. It was around midnight, so anyone out, out and about was likely to be one of our friends. They looked like our buddy Jon, so we started shouting, ‘Hey, man! Hey, Jon, what’s up?’ We didn’t get any answer–“

Christine: Yuck.

Em: “–and were getting a little creeped out.” Eugh.

Christine: Yuck. Yuck.

Em: “My boyfriend started walking towards the person to see who they were, um, (because, in a rural area, everyone knew each other), and the person still wasn’t responding to anything we were saying, and I was kind of freaking out, so I grabbed a big stick and went towards with my boyfriend.”

Christine: This is like how horror movie– Like I really– This is the most horror movie– Like, “Don’t go over there,” but like in the moment, you don’t– You’re like, “It’s Jon.”

Em: Ugh. And you know–

Christine: [sighs]

Em: –what’s even creepier about that too is that it feels like whatever this creature is grew up with them. Like it’s not–

Christine: Ew!

Em: It’s still not playing like little kid version of them. It’s like it knows their new ages. Does that make sense?

Christine: Yuck. Okay. Wait. Oh, I see what you’re saying. Oh, that’s horrible.

Em: ’Cause I feel like if ten years ago you remember chasing your ten-year-younger cousin and now all of a sudden it looks like your friend who’s probably the age you are now, it–

Christine: Oh, I didn’t even put the cousin thing together. It, it just occurred to me. Okay. Oh, that’s bad, Em. That’s just gross. That’s gross.

Em: And if it– So it must have known you were there and known to like to morph into something you would recognize.

Christine: And chase after and walk towards.

Em: Eugh. Or maybe since this is a small town and everyone knows everyone, maybe he just picked a random person in town that day and–

Christine: To like imitate. Yeah.

Em: –and you just happened to recognize the person. Eugh. Anyway, okay. “We were–“ Uh, so we have a big stick. We’re going with the boyfriend over.

Christine: [chuckles] We have a big stick. Good, good.

Em: “We were inside the Little League field, and the person was on the outside of the fence. We got to about ten feet away from them, and there’s this full moon just shining down on all of us.”

Christine: Ugh. [sighs]

Em: “The boyfriend is asking the dude if he’s okay, and we get no answer. They had on what looked like khaki shorts and a beige hoodie with the hood up. They look up, and all we see is this dark face–“

Christine: No.

Em: “–with a long curving nose–“

Christine: No.

Em: “–that almost looks like a beak–“

Christine: Ah!

Em: “–and enormous black eyes.”

Christine: What?

Em: “We grab each other totally freaked out, thinking, ‘What the hell am I looking at?’ And while we’re looking at this, it changed shape from a human figure with a weird-ass face to a signpost.”

Christine: Hey.

Em: Hey. So I think I’m religious now.

Christine: Yeah, I’m upset. [laughs] I’m upset. I’m upset.

Em: Hey, so now every signpost I see in my, in my fucking town, I’m gonna be like, “I, I don’t recognize you.”

Christine: What about the sign you–

Em: I’m gonna start tapping it.

Christine: What about the sign you have in your house?

Em: Don’t even with me.

Christine: [laughs] Just kidding.

Em: “Like a picket sign on a wooden stake.” It literally went from a person to a fucking street sign.

Christine: And not even a person. Like a person to a demon to a street sign.

Em: Every time–

Christine: Eugh.

Em: –I ever hung out with Jon ever again in my life, I’d be like, “Fucking reveal yourself to me.”

Christine: Literally.

Em: “I don’t know what’s going on.”

Christine: “Reveal yourself, Jon.” [laughs]

Em: [laughs] Oh my god. I never–

Christine: “I know your secrets, Jon.”

Em: It never occurred to me that aliens– I mean, I– In my mind, they morph into people that we know or like critters. It never occurred to me they would also just turn into like inanimate objects that–

Christine: That’s like such–

Em: –you would walk right the fuck past.

Christine: That’s like Pukwudgie energy.

Em: Oh my god.

Christine: ’Cause it’s like, “Oh, I’m gonna turn into a stop– a post sig– a signpost and like turn you around and get you all mixed up.”

Em: Very few stories really freak me out these days. This one–

Christine: Yeah, that one got you.

Em: “We freaked the fuck out and got out of there, obviously. We had to go on part of the trail through the woods to get back out at the car.”

Christine: Ew. But the fact that they both saw it. Sorry. The fact– Like I feel like one person’s brain–

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: –can turn something into and like scare you and like make you misremember, but like the fact that two people both at the same time were like, “That just turned into a signpost.” Oh, oh my god.

Em: I would be like– I would almost– And, and yet still be afraid to like– ’Cause like if, if the boyfriend is someone like– Like I’m dating Allison–

Christine: Mm.

Em: –Allison would find any logical reason to not believe what she just saw. I would still be scared to be like, “You saw that, right? That thing became a fucking street sign.”

Christine: Yeah, yeah.

Em: Because she would gaslight the shit out of me–

Christine: [chuckles]

Em: –so that way she could protect her own sanity.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: [laughs]

Christine: I mean, a lot of us probably would try to protect our own sanity.

Em: So I feel like I, I wouldn’t even say anything to my own partner. I’d be like, “Okay, I think I just snapped it, and nobody else saw that.” Um–

Christine: Would you run though?

Em: Yeah, I’d run. [laughs] I’d be– And I’d have to explain myself later. I don’t know what I would do.

Christine: I– But in a way– I mean, I feel like if there was a person that your m– that like your partner was talking to and then all of a sudden, they were just gone, and there was a sign there instead– like he clearly–

Em: I’ll have to–

Christine: Yeah. Wow.

Em: I’ll have to check with Allison and see what she would do in this situation. But that– Like truly for the rest of time, I would– I– First of all, where’s your phone? Take a picture. Take a picture because one day that street sign’s not gonna be there. But then I guess people could say, “Oh, yeah, they just took the street sign out of the ground.” I don’t fucking know. I have no idea what I would do. I’m panicking. I wasn’t even there.

Christine: I– Honestly though, and also like the threat–

Em: [sighs]

Christine: –that that would pose in the immediate moment, you probably wouldn’t take a picture. You’d probably be like–

Em: That’s true.

Christine: –“Fuck this.”

Em: And I wonder was that like a silent warning of like, “You didn’t see me.”

Christine: Right?

Em: “Stop talking to me.” Or could it not even hear us and thought it was just like going–

Christine: Yeah. Ew.

Em: Like why would it do that in front of you and not say anything?

Christine: Yeah. What was the point of that?

Em: Like wouldn’t you just morph into a bird and fly away and get out of the situation?

Christine: Yeah, that’s–

Em: Like why are you turning into something that’s just gonna stand there in front of our faces and not say anything to us?

Christine: Maybe it’s that thing we all say like, “Oh, I wanna crawl into a hole and die.”

Em: [laughs]

Christine: Or like, “I wish the earth would swallow me up.” And he just like turns into a signpost. He’s like, “I just bury myself right here.”

Em: I– Like what would have happened if she like tapped on the street sign and be like, “Am I crazy? I thought that was a fucking person for a second.”

Christine: Probably she would never he– hear this fucking story ’cause she’d probably be gonzo. I don’t know.

Em: Yeah. I’m like, “Is this thing violent? Like was this like your last warning to step away? Or like would it have hurt you?” I have no idea.

Christine: I mean, it had like black giant eyes and like a beak nose.

Em: Eugh.

Christine: I feel like it can’t be that lovely.

Em: [sighs] Man. We–

Christine: I, I don’t like it at all.

Em: “We didn’t even say a word to each other until we were about ten minutes back into the drive back to our apartment. I know it sounds crazy and unreal, but I have never been so terrified in my life.” That’s not crazy or unreal.

Christine: [sighs]

Em: I would also be scared. And I would ge– go to a third place first, like how we went to Denny’s. I’d be like–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: –“That thing’s not following us home.”

Christine: Just trick it.

Em: Um, ’cause for all you know his best friend turned into your car. You know what I mean?

Christine: No, don’t say that, Em.

Em: [laughs] Just sayin’.

Christine: Come on.

Em: Um–

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: I– It would make– It– I would– That would be the first step into my journey in an institution because I’d be like–

Christine: Like to question your entire everything around you. Right.

Em: The TV remote when I got home. The– This microphone.

Christine: [chuckles] It’s an alien.

Em: [laughs] Um, “This place was truly weird. There was another time that some of my friends were there late at night and heard freaky noises coming from the woods that scared them so much they climbed on top of a concession stand.”

Christine: [gasps] Jesus.

Em: “They– And they called my buddy’s dad who showed up with a giant flashlight. The dad said he heard the noises like groaning and whispering coming from the woods and was so disturbed he couldn’t wait to get out of there.”

Christine: Ugh.

Em: “The field is all overgrown now, and no one plays there anymore – at least not kids and tree– and teenagers anyway.” I said trees because my thought was, “Of course it’s overgrown. That’s actually the whole family gathering and hiding.”

Christine: It’s all the aliens. [laughs]

Em: They’re just all fake trees.

Christine: They’re just weeds. Um, wow. That is fucking crazy. And–

Em: I’ll never forget you, Mare. Thank you.

Christine: I know, right? That’s hau–

Em: And fuck you all at the same time. Awful.

Christine: –haunting. I wonder what it’s– Is it just trying to scare you, you know?

Em: I’ll never stop thinking about that.

Christine: Like I don’t think that’s even alien. I don’t even think that’s even alien. I think that’s like some sort of shape-shifting–

Em: Ghoul. I don’t know.

Christine: –ghoul. Exactly. Some sort of ghoul.

Em: I don’t even know what creature to blame it on. I have to assume alien because it like morphs into other things, which, for some reason, is–

Christine: I feel like–

Em: –in the alien category for me, but.

Christine: I feel like it’s very like poltergeist-y, like trickster-y alien behavior. Like to doppelganger and like–

Em: Could it be like–

Christine: –not necessarily hurt you but like scare the shit out of you. I don’t know.

Em: Could it be like a skin-walker?

Christine: Yeah, maybe something like that. That’s true. We did already have like a folk story in the first story of the moon, the ghost moon, which, by the way, also gonna remember that forever.

Em: I– Yeah, this actually, um– Wow. I, I would like to know about these woods. Part of me is like so sick, and I wanna like fly to those woods immediately. Like I wanna–

Christine: [laughs]

Em: –bring my own stop sign and–

Christine: Yeah, I mean–

Em: –or something and just like post it up and be like, “Oh, this is your buddy.” Like I– Do something just to be like–

Christine: What? [laughs]

Em: –“Turn into this right now. When I– I’m gonna walk away and when I come back, there better be two stop signs,” you know? I don’t know.

Christine: [laughs]

Em: I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Christine: You’re gonna tap on it and see what happens?

Em: [laughs] I would leave candy or something. I, I would try to appease them, but I’d be like, “Show yourself. I’ve heard the rumors. Let’s do this.”

Christine: Interesting. I’m gonna stay home.

Em: Why am I sick? Yeah.

Christine: I don’t know, man. I don’t know.

Em: I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Christine: Like in an overgrown Little League field? No, thank you. I don’t wanna be– I don’t wanna invite whatever fucking energies are swirling around there. The fact that it’s like this o– Little League field and it’s not even used by like– It wasn’t even used ten years ago when this happened. Like clearly the energy is not right, you know–

Em: No.

Christine: –if like people are not even playing baseball games or like– and it’s just a bunch of teenagers hanging out. Like that– it’s– something’s off.

Em: Part of me is like, was there something like in their small town infrastructure-wise? Like did they get a different field and that’s why they don’t go there anymore?

Christine: Well, fair point.

Em: Or did everyone slowly feel like something was up and they just stopped o-opting to use it? You know, like I– also curious about that.

Christine: Yeah, it feels like It, I mean, which I just read for the first time, so that’s why it’s on my mind, but like–

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: –the like parts of the city you don’t really go to, but like, you know, the misfit kids hang out there.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: It just feels very, um, Stephen King to me. Okay.

Story 3 – Full Moon Spirit Capturing

Christine: Now, what do we have here?

Em: [sighs]

Christine: This is from Katie (she/her). It’s called “Full Moon Spirit Capturing.”

Em: Okay.

Christine: I mean, I’m fascinated by all of this. Okay. “Good evening, Christine, Em, Eva, and all little friends. On the last listeners’ cast, you asked for full moon stori–“ Oh. Oh! [laughs] Th–

Em: Well, then maybe we did this. We brought this–

Christine: In November 2020, we asked for full moon stories. Um, or maybe–

Em: Mm.

Christine: –B just, uh, remembered for us six years later and was–

Em: Maybe.

Christine: –was like, “You guys never did this.”

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Um, we’ll see. “On the last listeners’ cast, you asked for full moon stories, and I thought maybe I’ll send mine in with the slim chance it’ll end up in an episode. So where do I begin? I’ve always had the eye for spirits and things of that variety, including, but not limited to: auras, spirits, spirit animals, past people, and many more. I decided one day that I would try and capture the spirit of my dead cat (he died the day before) in a rock which had called out to me. So– oh, which called out to me. So I found a rock, bathed my crystals, and meditated in the full moonlight to try and see if I could bring him back.”

Em: Mm.

Christine: “Safe to say, I think it worked.” Oh gosh. See, this why I don’t me-mess– not I’m saying that this person’s messing with it, but I know I’m not equipped to handle shit like this. So I would– I tread with such caution ’cause I know myself.

Em: [sighs]

Christine: I would slip and do something wrong or say it out loud wrong–

Em: 100%.

Christine: –and then– Yeah, mess it all up, you know.

Em: 100%. [chuckles] A sneeze. Yeah.

Christine: Totally, totally. Okay, so let’s see. “Safe to say, I think it worked. I’d moved my crystals and his rock inside but didn’t have them in my room because I was keeping them close to moonwater in the hopes it would do something. After a while, I decided to move them into my room, and that’s when things started getting weird. I moved them probably a month after him passing.” Oh, okay. So this is now a month later.

Em: Okay.

Christine: “After I moved them into my room, I noticed things happening which he used to do, like the sound of him licking himself, the sound of him scratching my door, the pressure of him at my feet, and purring noises when I was drifting off. It was comforting knowing that somehow I had allowed him to stay with me a little bit longer before he decided to go.”

Em: Mm.

Christine: “He had to be put down unexpectedly. So he got to say goodbye properly like he wanted to.” Aww. “Thanks for reading my story. I hope it gave you some kind of happiness. I have many other stories about encountering spirits of dead loved ones–“ [chuckles] “–but that’s for another time.”

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: Um, oh! “Just wanted to add that my 16th birthday was on a full moon, which definitely makes me some kind of a witch.”

Em: That’s fun.

Christine: I love that. That is so fun. Thank you, Katie.

Em: Very fun. No, um–

Christine: Wow.

Em: –that’s a much better story than whatever the hell Mare made me read. Um–

Christine: [laughs]

Em: [laughs] No, that, that was very, very sweet. Um–

Christine: Yeah, it’s like a palette cleanser for sure.

Em: Palette cleanser. Great way to put it.

Christine: [chuckles]

Em: Um, and thank you for waiting six years for that story.

Christine: I mean, really. Yeah.

Em: Appreciate you.

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Story 4 – Laughing Ghosts and the Full Halloween Moon

Em: This is from Sarah who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the subject is “Laughing Ghosts and the Full Halloween Moon.”

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: And, uh, Sarah says, “Let’s start off by saying my home is over 100 years old, and my guest room, particularly the closet at the front of my house, is where most of the activity occurs.” Eugh.

Christine: Yuck.

Em: So as soon as you walk in. [chuckles]

Christine: Yeah. Right at the door.

Em: “I regular– regularly smudge my home because things just get weird, and after I do, they tend to settle down. My dog also acts weird and chuffs and is on alert, and there’s activity where he’s usually a sleepy loaf. Um, after a while, I noticed that the increase in activity coincided with the moon cycle with the most activity–“

Christine: [gasps]

Em: “–being when the moon was full.”

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: “But this particular–“

Christine: That’s so cliche. I fucking love it.

Em: I know. It’s like what is this on a– Are you live on a sound stage or something?

Christine: Werewolf? Yeah. [laughs]

Em: Uh, “But this particular story takes place on Halloween of 2020–“ Oh, bad year. The–

Christine: [chuckles] Bye.

Em: –energy was crazy. “–when the moon was full, blue and a harvest moon.”

Christine: I remember that.

Em: Uh, “So one could say I was screwed from the get-go.”

Christine: [chuckles]

Em: And you’re stuck in your house because you’re quarantining, I’m sure.

Christine: Oh, and probably children are showing up unannounced, and you haven’t even seen pe–

Em: [groans]

Christine: You know what I mean? Like trick-or-treaters. Oh god.

Em: That's totally right, Christine.

Christine: Oh god.

Em: [sighs] Nothing worse than just children appearing at your door. Ah!

Christine: I mean, we can all agree on that.

Em: “So the week leading up to Halloween/the full moon, I started hearing stuff in my house that would make me wake up in the middle of the night. This was fairly typical, but usually at this point, I would smudge my home and off I go. But a friend of mine who senses stuff was coming over for Halloween, so I left it to see if she noticed anything.” I love that. You’re like, “I’m gonna see if this girl has an opinion at all.”

Christine: That’s kind of awesome.

Em: [laughs]

Christine: That’s kind of awesome.

Em: I feel like I would do that with you. I’d be like–

Christine: Yeah, you totally would. We both would, I think. And I would sp– I wouldn’t be able to pull it off, but I’d mess it up. But yeah–

Em: I’d, I’d be–

Christine: –that would be kind of a fun experiment.

Em: I’d be waiting non-stop for you to go, “What the hell is going on with this house?”

Christine: You’d be like– Yeah. You’d be like looking at me a little too intently, I think.

Em: Yeah. [chuckles]

Christine: And I’d be like, “Why are you staring at me?” [laughs]

Em: Yes.

Christine: I’d probably notice your energy more than I would notice the energy of the house. [laughs]

Em: Yeah. I would be the weird activity.

Christine: [laughs]

Em: Um, “As the week continued on, things became more and more intense. One night, the sound of someone walking around was so loud and clear that I searched my home for an intruder to find nothing.”

Christine: I mean, and that’s so scary ’cause you’re like–

Em: Eugh. [sighs]

Christine: –about to call the police, and it’s like you’ll be– you’ll regret not calling the police if someone has broken into your home, obviously, you know.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: But you’ll regret calling the police if it’s a ghost and like that’s also a rough–

Em: Oof. [sighs]

Christine: I don’t know, man. That sucks.

Em: “Then the next morning as I was getting ready for work, I saw the reflection of a human shadow walk behind me–“

Christine: Bye.

Em: “–in my window.”

Christine: That’s where I draw the line. Absolutely where I draw the line.

Em: Eugh. I, I am so lucky, and I hope that it stays this way, but like this house came with like no bad vibes, which I love.

Christine: Oh, so good.

Em: But like, um, like I never think that there’s a ghost in the house, which is so wonderful. If you’re out there and you’re keeping quiet, keep– please keep being quiet.

Christine: [chuckles] Keep it up.

Em: [chuckles] Keep it up. Um, but if I moved into a house and all of a sudden, you know, every full moon or so there’s just humans walking around, I’d be like, “This ain’t gonna work for me.” Like this is not it.

Christine: It’s just if I start seeing things in mirrors like that is where I absolutely–

Em: Eugh. [sighs]

Christine: –I think that’s where I would freak.

Em: Agreed.

Christine: Like that’s where I would really freak out.

Em: Agreed. Um, and my favorite part is Sarah then said, “But I was in such a rush, I just ignored it–“

Christine: [laughs]

Em: “–and– or, tried to ignore it.” I’m like, “There’s no way.” I would be sitting in my driveway, looking at all my cameras inside my house being like, [whispers] “Is it there? Is it there?”

Christine: Paranoid. Yeah. I would turn paranoid.

Em: “So it’s Halloween Eve, uh, and my friend leaves around 11. I was hanging out on my–“ I would ask your friend to stay through 3 a.m.

Christine: Uh– Yeah, 100%.

Em: I’d be like, “What the hell?”

Christine: “You’re not leaving.” [laughs]

Em: “Sleepover, bitch.” Um, “I was hanging–“

Christine: “The vibes are weird, and I don’t care. You’re staying here for the rest of the night.” [laughs]

Em: Maybe your friend intentionally left 11– at 11 and was like, “This is too fucking crazy.”

Christine: Was like, “I don’t know about this anymore.” Yeah.

Em: “I was hanging out on my bed with my dog with the lights on, and I start to hear movement in the hallway and kitchen, which was odd because it usually only happens after I’ve fallen asleep.” So this thing’s getting cocky.

Christine: I don’t like this. Yeah, it’s expanding its own boundaries.

Em: Eugh. “As time went on, the noises became louder.”

Christine: Ugh. [sighs]

Em: “And after about 20 minutes, the sound of something pacing up and down the hallway outside my bedroom was continuous.”

Christine: The fact that it was building up to that.

Em: Eugh.

Christine: Like it was like, “Here’s what I want the end result to be: pacing outside of this person’s bedroom.”

Em: And–

Christine: And then it has to build gradually over time. Like that’s–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: –gives me the heebie-jeebies, dude.

Em: Like momentum. It’s like–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: –it’s intelligent. Ugh. And the dog, by the way, seems to just be goddamn chilling. Where is this dog?

Christine: Ugh.

Em: Um, “The array of noises coming from my kitchen and guest room were also increasing, and it was loud. Then all of a sudden–“

Christine: [sighs]

Em: “–this loud scurrying noise came from under my bed and ran towards my closet.”

Christine: [gasps]

Em: “It sounded like a giant rat.” [gasps]

Christine: Em, no.

Em: “My dog started freaking out–“ Thank you.

Christine: Oh.

Em: “–but couldn’t find or smell anything. Um, and then ten minutes later, there was a loud knock on my bedroom door.”

Christine: This is a horror movie.

Em: “Needless to say, me and my dog had resolved to not sleep that night, sitting petrified in each other’s arms. The walking and the loud noises continued and after an hour finally slowed down– Uh, it finally slowed down and came to a stop. I was able to turn out the lights without pooping myself–” T– Why would you even try? I would never–

Christine: [chuckles]

Em: –never turn the lights off again. “–and me and my dog were finally able to fall asleep.”

Christine: Jeez.

Em: “The noises picked up in the middle of the night, but I was just trying to sleep because fuck this.” That’s crazy because I would have gotten myself a dog-friendly hotel that minute.

Christine: I, I don’t know. I don’t know what I would– I don’t know what I would have done, but I think I would be way too scared to fall asleep. But I don’t know, I mean–

Em: And I would have climbed out of the window too, because who’s knocking on my door?

Christine: Oh, I would not have gone out the door, I don’t think.

Em: I imagine in that moment you have keys on you at all moments. Like you don’t leave your keys in the living room on a night where you know they’re gonna be knocking on your door. Eugh. I hate this. Um–

Christine: This is so scary, dude. I’m freaked out.

Em: “So the morning comes, and I immediately smudge my house, but I knew I would need to do it again–“

Christine: Ugh. [sighs]

Em: “–because something still felt off.”

Christine: [groans]

Em: “But I continued with my morning because I can’t stop for every paranormal entity that walks into my life.”

Christine: Yuck.

Em: Wow, you stand alone, babe. Um–

Christine: [laughs] Em’s like, “It would have taken over.”

Em: [chuckles] If I ever texted Christine, “I can’t record today. I have to absolutely cleanse my house,” that would be well understood, I think.

Christine: I would be like, “Actually, just FaceTime, and I’ll record it for us–“

Em: [chuckles] Yeah.

Christine: “–as the e–“

Em: For Patreon, yeah.

Christine: “–for the episode.” Yeah.

Em: “I was listening to music in my room and on the shitty little speaker, and I laughed at something, and two seconds later, my exact laugh came through the speaker like an echo. And this is where I drew the line.”

Christine: No.

Em: Because now it’s copying her. “Me and my dog got the fuck out of there and went to my mom’s for the rest of the weekend. My mom has spent an exorbitant amount of time studying different facets of spiritualism, and I told her what happened. She immediately went on to cleanse my house from afar, having me draw out of the ro– draw out the rooms of my house. Even when I was drawing the house, I could feel like whatever was there was influencing me because for the life of me–“

Christine: [groans]

Em: “–I could not get the proportions or the layout of my house right.”

Christine: No. No, it wants you to do it wrong. Oh god.

Em: “Weird. Especially considering it’s a square house.”

Christine: Oh my god. Stop.

Em: That makes me think like it was almost like channeling you and making you draw the original blueprints.

Christine: Oh, interesting.

Em: Like ’cause if it refused to let you draw what’s currently there and it usually stays in one part of the room and not like maybe an addition from later, you know.

Christine: I was thinking it was trying to influence this floor plan so that the mom couldn’t cleanse the space–

Em: Ohh.

Christine: –where it was hiding.

Em: That’s worse.

Christine: [chuckles] Yeah.

Em: So it could like– it could stay in the house.

Christine: [chuckles] Yeah. So it could like have its little creepy corner.

Em: Mm.

Christine: Fuck this big time, dude.

Em: “Once I drew the house–“

Christine: No, thanks.

Em: Oh my god. “Once I drew the house, she said she was able to clear it, focusing a lot of time on my guest room.”

Christine: [groans]

Em: “She said it felt okay and that she would check it again at night. Lo and behold, when she checked it that night, she said that activity had drastically picked up–” Oh, Mom did it wrong.

Christine: Mom! Help.

Em: “–and that she suspected there was a portal in my guest room.”

Christine: A-ha.

Em: “Um, okay,” as it says here.

Christine: Yeah, ’cause the full moon is opening the portal. Duh.

Em: [groans] “Anyways, happy days. She cleansed the space again, and things have been fabulous since.”

Christine: Wait, that’s absolutely what was happening at that fucking baseball field.

Em: [gasps, whispering] You’re right.

Christine: They’re just like– It’s like inviting bad energy. It’s like a– It’s like inviting anyone, but like bad energy can probably get through there and just show up and like scare you and harass you. Blegh.

Em: Sarah, that was a horrible story. I actually for a moment forgot about Mare.

Christine: That’s scary.

Em: I– You know what?

Christine: Wow. Oh my god, that was fast. Wow, wow.

Em: I, I don’t like either of your lives. That sounds really, really scary. Um–

Christine: [laughs] Either of your lives.

Em: [laughs] I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I really–

Christine: Leave us out of it.

Em: Please, please.

Christine: O-oh my god, I’m really actually kind of creeped out. Okay. Um, there’s something about portals that feels so– Oh, and the full moon– the new moon I do know is a portal– or no, no, sorry, eclipse season is a portal, I believe. And we are in an eclipse season right now.

Em: Excellent. Um–

Christine: But it’s a good thing.

Em: –I wonder if Sarah’s guest room is doing okay.

Christine: No, no, not in that way, I hope. Yeah, seriously.

Em: Imagine Sarah leaves and a new family moves in. They’re like, “Oh, we have children. That’ll– That, that old guest room will be the kids’ room.” Oh my god, those kids are gonna–

Christine: A nursery or something? Like no.

Em: They’re gonna write to us one day. I feel like–

Christine: Jeez.

Em: Wouldn’t it be crazy if after all these years some– two different people have written about the same location, they just both happen to live there at different times?

Christine: That– I wish there was a way to categorize that somehow.

Em: I wish.

Christine: That’s so cool.

Em: I wish. We just have to read everybody’s census records. That’s all.

Christine: Yeah, that’s easy. [laughs]

Em: [laughs] Call the government. Yeah.

Christine: Yeah, yeah. [laughs] Get them on– Hey, Eva, get the county auditor on the phone–

Em: [laughs]

Christine: –on the horn.

Story 5 – Wine Stealing UFO

Christine: Okay, this one is from D–

Em: Okay.

Christine: –pronouns they/them. And it says “Wine Stealing UFO.” [laughs]

Em: Oh my god, Christine stole a UFO.

Christine: Ah! [laughs] They better not come to my house ’cause I need that.

Em: That sounds– It sounds like Xiinön so far. Wine stealing.

Christine: Sure does. Sure does. She’s like, “I’m not drinking it. I’m just taking it home with me.” Uh-huh.

Em: Yeah. “In my stomach.” Yeah.

Christine: Yeah. [laughs] “In my stomach.”

Em: [laughs]

Christine: “Hello And That’s Why We Drink family. I’ve been listening to the podcast for years, and it kept me sane through some long night shifts. I never had anything interesting to share, however, until Em covered the Maringa and Mirassol abductions.” I don’t like all this abduction talk. It’s really freaking me out.

Em: I told you the UFOs and the aliens were gonna get involved in this.

Christine: Yeah. No, you’re totally right. “I was talking to my grandma after listening and randomly asked if she believed in aliens since they were on my mind, and I got a very enthusiastic ‘Yes!’ as a response and a story to go along with it. So now I’m telling you about how my grandma’s brother-in-law got abducted sometime in the mid-‘80s.”

Em: Oh my.

Christine: “She wasn’t present at the abduction, but she witnessed the aftermath firsthand, and it was enough to convince her that aliens are real.”

Em: Oh my god, that’s crazy that you don’t even witness an abduction, but just the symptoms of one, and you’re like–

Christine: Just the aftermath.

Em: Yikes. Okay.

Christine: Oof. But you know how you hear that when people say like, “Oh, as the police officer who interviewed him could tell, like he was really terrified or like it w–"

Em: Something was off.

Christine: Yeah. Something was actually wrong. Oh, that gives me the creeps. Okay. “My grandma’s sister lived and still lives on the outskirts of a small town. One day, while my grandma was visiting for the summer, her brother-in-law and a friend of his took the train to the nearest city to go help a friend with house renovations. They stayed the whole day and only caught the last train home, arriving back in town well past midnight, carrying a bag with two bottles of homemade wine and another with some food that they’d gotten as a thanks for the help. Food and alcohol as a thank you is common practice where I’m from.”

Em: Okay.

Christine: And where I’m from, and I love that for all of us.

Em: Same.

Christine: “Now, the train s– Now, the train stop in that town is actually outside of the town, and there is about a kilometer’s walk to their house along a road surrounded by grain fields with no street lights on it. They put up lights later, but the ‘80s didn’t care much about that. What happens next is my grandma’s retelling of what her brother-in-law explained happened to them. The night was clear, and the moon was not full, but as they walked–“

[Christine stops, putting a hand over her mouth.]

Em: Girl, just say it.

Christine: “–a second full moon suddenly appeared low in the sky–“

Em: What?

Christine: “–in front of them. It started growing bigger.” Okay, I’m like now really fre– [laughs]

Em: The sky is a simulation. I kind of believe that like maybe we’re not in a simulation, but the sky is. Like I don’t–

Christine: There's got to be something happening here. Don’t– Like come on, people.

Em: That’s some Truman Show shit.

Christine: Yes.

Em: Or like the, or like the aliens had a big projector and I think they were trying to cast something on the moon and they missed, you know.

Christine: Or it’s like the– their UFO, and they’re like, “We’ll just disguise it as a moon. They won’t know any better.” And it’s like, “We’re not that stupid,” you know.

Em: [chuckles] Like, “We’re pretty dumb. You could have put anything else.”

Christine: “You know what– You have literally put like a giant bird, and we wouldn’t have been confused. But the moon, I usually know where that is.

Em: They honestly could have put– They could have just been a UFO. We would have fell for it.

Christine: Been less alarmed probably.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Yes, than like the giant moon. That’s a good point. That’s such a good point. Ew. But like now I’m freaked out that this is a thing happening multiple times, this giant moon showing up.

Em: Oh my.

Christine: I don’t like this.

Em: Oh my.

Christine: I don’t like this one bit. Okay. Um, “As they walked, a second full moon–“ I hope we’re not freaking out, Ryan. Probably we are.

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: Um, Okay. “–a second full moon suddenly appeared low in the sky in front of them. It started growing bigger and brother–“ And it– Again, it’s not a full moon, but it– a full moon appears. Yuck.

Em: Mm. [sighs]

Christine: “They realized it was coming at them at a great speed.” This is my dream I had one time. The light got–

Em: [laughs]

Christine: [chuckles] It was.

Em: Dream or a nightmare?

Christine: I– Well, okay, fair point. “The light got so bright it hurt to look at, but he couldn’t close his eyes. Then he felt something grab him by the shoulders and pull him up into the light. Last he sees in the light is a big X-like sha– X-like shape coming into view as he’s taken. Next thing he knows–“ Oh, I wonder if that’s like underneath like the lights.

Em: Mm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Christine: I don’t know. Um, [blows raspberry and hums as she finds her place] “Next thing he knows, he’s waking up on the grass on the side of the road, covered in sweat and with his shirt missing but his vest on and buttoned.” See, this is that shit that I don’t like.

Em: I want to throw up. Like that’s–

Christine: I’m– This is terrible. “His friend was on the asphalt in a similar situation, although I don’t know if he was missing any clothes. They were shaken and a little disoriented but managed to get up. The bag of food was scattered some way down the road while the only thing remaining from the bag with the wine was the bag itself. The bottles were nowhere to be found.” [chuckles] “The two made their way back home only to discover it was nearly 5 a.m. They had lost about three hours.” [whispers] Oh my god. Just like that guy– just like Ryan lost an hour and a half.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: On a commute through grainf– through fields, empty fields.

Em: It’s also weird that this is very similar to the, oh– well, the, the moon– like a, a different image of a moon appeared or like it–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: It feels like the same computer file–

Christine: Yes, it does.

Em: –on that, on that last UFO.

Christine: 100%.

Em: [chuckles] It feels like the same–

Christine: 100%.

Em: –memory.

Christine: The same screensaver just like reappearing.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Um, oh god, this gets even creepier. Okay, they lost three hours. “They told their story, and my grandma’s sister didn’t believe it, claiming they were making up an excuse for finishing the wine and getting drunk. But my grandma swears they were completely sober and obviously very distressed. In the morning, the brother-in-law insisted on taking them to where it had happened, but only a few minutes under the sun made a nasty rash break out on any exposed skin they had, um, so they had to go back in. The rash stayed for several days, and he was feeling sick the whole time.” I think that’s like– what–

Em: Radiation?

Christine: –radiation poisoning. “He never spoke about what happened after that first night, claiming he felt like if he did, they’d come back.” And I’ve heard that.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: I’ve heard that that like they don’t wanna bring it up ’cause it’s gonna draw them back. Oh.

Em: My fear is more E.T.-based where it’s like I would be afraid that the government would come get me.

Christine: Oh, yeah, that too.

Em: And, and now I’m being tested on. But like I would– I, I, I feel like if I had a rash, I would love to know what the–

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: –what the medical chart said was the th– ’Cause if it wasn’t radiation, if it– what if it was like some lotion they put on me or something that is not of this earth?

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: Like I, I don’t know. That’s so creepy.

Christine: I know. It’s hard to imagine a dude in the ‘80s going to the doctor and being like, “An alien put this on me.” [laughs]

Em: Yeah. Right, right. Or like, “Hey, can you tell me where this rash came from?” And hopefully they would be able– I don’t know. I have no idea.

Christine: But yeah.

Em: But it’s all horrifying.

Christine: “The rash stayed for several days.” Uh, yeah, he, he didn’t talk about it ever again because he felt like if he did, they’d come back.

Em: Mm.

Christine: “It was enough for my grandma to become a believer though. She and her sister did go to look for the wine.” [laughs]

Em: I like that.

Christine: I love it. “They did go to look for the wine eventually but found nothing. Maybe they were just flung somewhere in the fields, but I like thinking that the aliens developed a taste for homemade red. Thank you so much for reading, and thank you for making an amazing podcast. Love, D.” Wow, that’s quite a tale.

Em: Um, shocking. I– And that’s– I– That’s very interesting to–

Christine: And this is the stuff that like entire movies are based off of. Like this is a qu– like a story you’ve got here.

Em: You could sell your right– sell the, uh, the rights to, uh–

Christine: Sell your grandpa, great uncle, brother-in-law, whatever–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: –rights to his story.

Em: I, um, I feel like we don’t get a lot of people who witnessed– Like I feel like we get stories from people who either claim that maybe they, um, s– had like a mini abduction happen to them or they lost a lot of time and they don’t remember what hap– But it’s interesting to get a, a message from somebody who is like the second rung.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: Like, “I–“

Christine: Yeah.

Em: “–witnessed someone who was.” I would love to hear more stories like that from people of like–

Christine: Oh, yeah.

Em: “–This didn’t happen to me, but I saw firsthand how scary this could be.”

Christine: “And I witnessed like just how real the– in the aftermath, like how real it was for–“ Yeah. Ooh, that’s intriguing, Em. I like that.

Em: Yeah. Maybe a future topic.

Christine: Yeah.

Story 6 – Seaweed Queen of the Underworld

Em: Um, we have one last one, and this is very interesting, and I’m nervous to tell this one because this is apparently a submission from, um, the, uh, Cryptids Unscripted Poetry Slam.

Christine: [laughs] Oh god. Okay, okay.

Em: Which we did not have a Cryptids Unscripted this year, but–

Christine: No, this year we did not.

Em: But, uh, I’m, I’m glad that this will be our little taste of what could have been. This is–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: –from River who uses they/them pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the subject line is “Cryptid Poetry Slam Submission,” so–

Christine: Love it.

Em: And I– The reason I’m nervous to tell it is because I never know what like–

Christine: Oh, the–

Em: –rhythm or pattern they want me to say this in.

Christine: The cadence, yeah, yeah.

Em: Yeah. So–

Christine: You got it, Em. I believe in you.

Em: I don’t believe in me, but I’m gonna–

Christine: Just channel it. Just, you know–

Em: We’re– [sighs] It’ll, It’ll be bumpy before I figure it out. So–

Christine: [whispers] That’s fine.

Em: Anyway, this is called “Seaweed Queen of the Underworld.”

Christine: Whoa.

Em: I don’t know how the full moon plays into this at all.

Christine: I can’t wait.

Em: Here we go. “Through the murky–“ Nope, already messed up.

“Through the dark murky waters

the Kelpie swims

Seaweed trailing through her mane, hooves, and fins.

The time to feed is ebbing near

The full moon will shine through the skies,

crystal clear.”

Christine: Ooh.

Em: “From the dark seas she will rise

To find a human fool enough to ride

The back of this sleek, beautiful beast

To join past souls sacrificed for a feast.”

Christine: [gasps]

Em: “She hears her victim

walking along a path nearby

whistling along, not knowing

he’s about to die.”

Christine: [chuckles] Oh god.

Em: “She runs full tilt through the fields and trees

Her seaweed mane

whipping in the breeze

The target in– is finally in sight

He must be tired, it’s nearly night

She slows her gallop to a graceful trot

Despite her power, she’s silent

in her stalk.”

Christine: [chuckles] Oh!

Em: “When the time is right,

she steps into the fading light

And the man stumbles and gasps

at such a beautiful sight

He reaches out his hand

to offer his smell

Not knowing he’s about to be taken

to a watery hell.”

Christine: Oh!

Em: “She offers her back

to this doomed stranger

So unaware of the depth of this danger

He climbs on with a thanks

And presses his legs into her flanks

But she turns with a buck into the air

And when he grasps

her seaweed mane hair

He realizes his horrible fate

A ghoulish death he can’t escape

His body has become fused to hers

He feels weak, and his vision blurs.”

Christine: [gasps]

Em: “The salty sea water

hits him like a knife

His final thoughts

racing through his life

He thrashes in panic as his lungs begin to fi-fill

And to the hellish realm of The Kelpie

she swims down, down, down

with her kill.”

Christine: Whoa. [claps]

Em: Wow. Very, very good, River.

Christine: Very good. My goodness, that’s spooky.

Em: Um, man, I like that we at least got a little, a little poetry moment. I’m sorry that–

Christine: I do too.

Em: –I had to be the one to tell it, but I–

Christine: No, I–

Em: It was very well done.

Christine: –loved it. I didn’t know, I didn’t know where we were going. It got so dark. Oh my goodness.

Em: I, uh, big fan, big fan of, uh–

Christine: Big fan, big fan.

Em: –creative writing because I certainly am not that. But, um, well done, everybody.

Christine: Very good.

Em: Thank you, everyone, for your stories. This was a, a wonderful way to start March. Uh, see you, see you, April–

Christine: I guess so.

Em: Our April Fools' episode’s next.

Christine: April Fools'. Yeah. I wonder what that’s gonna be.

Em: I don’t know.

Christine: Do we have a– I don’t know. We don’t have an idea yet. But yeah, um, write in. You can go down to andthatswhywedrink.com, and there we have story submissions there.

Em: Maybe we could do– For April Fools’, we could do like if you were pranked by a ghost or something.

Christine: Oh, I think we did that la–

Em: Did we?

Christine: Did we not? Maybe.

Em: Fuck.

Christine: It sounds like something we did, I’m pretty sure. But if you have that, please send it in. It’s a great to– st– I mean, it’s still a great topic. Um–

Em: Sorry, everyone.

Christine: No, no, no. If we are– but maybe we didn’t. But, um, I think ghost pranks was definitely something we asked for–

Em: Feels–

Christine: –but–

Em: Feels like something we’ve done.

Christine: Send them in again. I don’t know.

Em: Uh, no, thank you, everybody. And then, as you just said, you can submit things to our website andthatswhywedrink.com. Yes?

Christine: Mm-hmm. Yep.

Em: Uh, and, and yeah, that’s it. Thank you, everyone. We’ll see you for our regularly scheduled programming–

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: Every Sunday. And–

Christine: That’s–

Em: Why–

Christine: We–

Em: Drink.

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