Listener Stories: Vol. 116

Stories:

1: Birthday Deja Vu - Em (She/Her)
2: I got sleep paralysis for my birthday - Meredith (she/her)
3: Paranormal birthday story - Brenna (she/her)
4: I got possessed by a ghost at your live show - Alexa (she/her)
5: Disney birthday gone wrong - Lisa (she/her)
6: Short but sweet tale on how I cursed humanity - Grace (she/her)

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It’s June and Gemini season is officially here so happy birthday to us!! This month Eva has collected a batch of birthday related listener stories for us including a spooky deja vu experience, a birthday trip gone wrong, and a possession at one of our live shows?! And be on the lookout for limbs in various places they shouldn’t be… and that’s why we drink!

Want to check out Allison’s new Etsy shop? See all things Forager’s Craft here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ForagersCraftShop

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Transcript

[Rotating ads vary, for a full list of current podcast sponsors visit andthatswhywedrink.com/sponsors]

[intro music]

Em: [singing] ♪ Happy ♪

Christine: [singing] ♪ birthday ♪ [yelling] to us!

Em: Okay. [laughs]

Christine: [laughs]

Em: Didn’t know if we were gonna do the whole song.

Christine: I didn’t know if we were doing– The last time we tried to do an adlib one v– one word alternating song, you know what happened. It went really bad. So–

Em: Disaster. Disaster.

Christine: Disaster all the way around. Happy birthday, my friend.

Em: Thank you. It’s, uh– Well, it’s– Well, we’ll see how it goes. I still have like two more days when this comes out. We’ll see how, how the bday is.

Christine: [chuckles] Two days left of your youth. Um–

Em: And you have three.

Christine: That’s right. How does it feel that for one singular solitary day, we’ll be the same age?

Em: I love it every time.

Christine: It makes me laugh. [laughs]

Em: I– [chuckles] I, uh– It’s–

Christine: Because it’s the day you can’t call me “the crypt keeper” for one day of the year.

Em: For one– just one day.

Christine: [laughs]

Em: Um, what–

Christine: And that’s your birthday gift, by the way. Happy birthday. Every year, that’s your birthday gift.

Em: I, I, I think it’s your birthday gift that I don’t get to call– that I don’t call you a crypt keeper.

Christine: Well, you know, I’ve, uh, had to take the, the like glass half full look from day one about all this, so, you know.

Em: What if I said like crypt keeper complimentary instead of like derogatory?

Christine: Oh, okay. You’re right. It is my– Wait. Oh, yeah. You’re– It’s– You’re right. It’s your birthday punishment. That’s right. It’s your birthday punishment. I’m understanding now.

Em: That I’m as old as a crypt k– Yeah.

Christine: Right, right, right, right.

Em: It’s a very, um– At this point, it’s just tradition.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: I don’t even know if I enjoy it. It’s just– it’s what you do in this house.

Christine: It’s like– It’s just how it works.

Em: I, uh– How, how does it feel to be coming up on 35?

Christine: 35. Can you believe that? We t–

Em: Isn’t that crazy? We started the podcast at 25.

Christine: Wait, so are we gonna be the same age? So you are a year younger than me?

Em: Yeah. I’ll be–

Christine: Sorry. [chuckles] Why do I act like I don’t know this every fucking year?

Em: It– I’ll be–

Christine: Like you literally call me the crypt keeper–

Em: –34 for a day while you’re still 34.

Christine: Oh-kay, we’ll both be 34, then I turn 35. Okay. Wow. I don’t know how time or math works. Um–

Em: No.

Christine: So– I do on a quantum level, so if that helps, but it us–

Em: Ex– You know, someone has to.

Christine: Someone has to. And it’s sort of like everyone else seems to have this timeline figured out, this time–

Em: You don’t– The rudimentary is not your privy. You don’t need that.

Christine: Thank you so much. Like I– It’s– I’m above that pay grade, if that makes sense. Does that make sense?

Em: Um, no, it–

Christine: My pay grade is above that work, you know.

Em: Um, you couldn’t have been more clear, actually.

Christine: Thank you so much. [laughs]

Em: [laughs]

Christine: Um, yeah, it’s Gemini season. Can you tell? We are elevated. Uh, by the way, Em, today, or actually tomorrow as we record this, um, there’s gonna be a cazimi which is a special time in, in astrology where the planets kind of align and kiss, smooch, mwah.

Em: [makes a kissing sound]

Christine: It’s Sun in Gemini, Uranus in Gemini. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s gonna fucking fire us up. So look out, everybody.

Em: Love it.

Christine: Yeah, we’re gonna be in high-flying spirits. Um, it’s the words, the banter, the, the communication. This is not an astrology podcast, but sometimes it’s my birthday, and I get to make it one.

Em: Yeah. Shut– Everyone, shut up.

Christine: [laughs]

Em: It’s our birthday. You can do whatever you want.

Christine: I can even say shut up. And, uh, anyway, so it’s an exciting time, Em. Um, it’s gonna light up a lot of our creativity and, uh, social butterfly centers, you know.

Em: [groans] I love a butterfly center except the real ones. I don’t wanna be anywhere near a real butterfly. The cosmic ones I enjoy.

Christine: Oh my god. I’ve got five, five chrysalises downstairs.

Em: Why?

Christine: Uh–

Em: Because you have a child.

Christine: Yep. [laughs]

Em: Okay.

Christine: I was like, “You’ll figure it out.”

Em: It’s like there’s only one reason. [chuckles]

Christine: Although I did ma-make it my entire personality for like two days. I was like filming them. Not my entire personality, but my entire fixation. I was like filming the chrysalises, and then I had to record the– my podcast with my brother, so I had to take the camera back upstairs. On my way up–

Em: They escaped.

Christine: It fell.

Em: Oh. [gasps]

Christine: [laughs] The–

Em: Oh. [laughs]

Christine: The chrysalises escaped. On the way up, the camera fell, and now I have to spend $400 to repair it.

Em: [gasps]

Christine: So, uh, yeah, it was not–

Em: Oh no.

Christine: And then I came downstairs, and Blaise said, “Guess what? One of the caterpillars turned into a chrysalis.” [laughs]

Em: Didn’t even catch it on camera, did you?

[Christine shakes her head.]

Em: That’s crazy. That’s crazy. Well, it begs the–

Christine: It, it was three days, three days I spent with that fucking thing. In my kitchen.

Em: I’m gonna tell them you called them the– “that fucking thing.”

Christine: You know what? I’ll send them after you, and so you better fucking watch out.

Em: Do not.

Christine: I might.

Em: Oh my god. Nothing horrifies me more than a butterfly.

Christine: I used to be so scared of them. Now I’m just like kind of fascinated ’cause like they turn into goo in those little chrysalises.

Em: Ugh. It’s– I mean, it’s incredible.

Christine: It’s crazy.

Em: Nature is rock and roll. [chuckles]

Christine: It’s fucking rock and roll. Okay? It’s sick.

Em: Nature is metal, for sure.

Christine: It’s twisted. It’s metal. It’s fucking sick as shit.

Em: [in a raspy, cool voice] I’m gonna turn into goo–

Christine: I’m gonna fucking–

Em: –and then I’m just this beautiful colored flapping thing.

Christine: –demolish my organs and then scare the shit out of you with all my beauty.

Em: I mean–

Christine: You know?

Em: It’s punk for sure. I mean, I–

Christine: It’s punk rock indeed. [chuckles]

Em: I, uh, am happy for you. I– It begs the question because of who we are. You’ve named them, I’m sure.

Christine: I haven’t. It’s–

Em: [gasps]

Christine: [gasps] I know.

Em: Wow.

Christine: You know–

Em: That’s your assignment for today. Crazy.

Christine: Here’s my problem. They’re a little too alive, I think, for me to get too attached.

Em: Say that again. What do you mean?

Christine: They’re a little too maybe alive. [laughs]

Em: So they have to be inanimate objects. I got it. Okay.

Christine: It’s safer that way. When I personify–

Em: Right. ’Cause what if they get hurt? You don’t wanna get attached.

Christine: Uh, if one of them eats the other one. I don’t know what they do in there– what they get up to.

Em: Well, that one’s named like Hannibal Lecter, so–

Christine: Yeah, right. So– But what if I call him Christine and all of a sudden I have an, an existential crisis?

Em: [laughs]

Christine: You know what I’m trying to say? By the way, Leona has named everything in this house eight times, so like me naming something at this point is so absurd because whatever I name it will not even be allowed or last. ’Cause I don’t rule this house anymore. Um–

Em: Do you have a favorite? Favorite name that she’s picked out for something?

Christine: Uh, yeah. So she calls herself Pretty. [laughs]

Em: [laughs] You know what?

Christine: [laughs]

Em: And she, and she stood by that, by the way. She has always said that.

Christine: She literally calls herself Pretty, and she’s the mom. [laughs]

Em: You know what? Now, that’s rock and roll. That’s very cool.

Christine: That’s fucking badass. And then I’m– And by the way, she doesn’t give a shit about this chrysalis. Like I mean, she’s like interested, but she’s like, “My mom’s so fucking weird about this.” [laughs] Like she’s clearly like s–

Em: But can you show like your, like your tattoo and everything and like how like they can be very impor–

Christine: Well, yeah.

[Christine lifts up her arm to show her tattoo on her bicep of a moth.]

Em: Oh, it’s a moth. Sorry.

Christine: It is a moth, but I– you know, I was like, “Oh, a cocoon and a chrys–“ That’s about as much. She’s like, “I already learned that at school.” And I was like, “Oh, okay. You know more about this than I do.”

Em: She’s like, “Pick up the pace, Mom.”

Christine: She’s like, “Actually, I could teach you.” Um–

Em: [laughs]

Christine: –and she’s like, “My name is Miss Pretty.” Uh, and I think my name was like– It changes every time or something.

Em: Miss Uggo or something? [laughs]

Christine: [laughs] Hideouso the Terrible. [laughs]

Em: [laughs] Count Vomitus. Yeah. [laughs]

Christine: [laughs] My, my name– I forgot. Wait, Blaise’s name– And it was so tragic ’cause it was Mother’s Day, so he had to go along with it. But she was the mom, and her name was Pretty. Uh, my name was Sparkles, and his name was Honker–

Em: [laughs]

Christine: –and she, she wrote him a card [laughs] that said, “Mommy loves you, Honker,” and– [laughs]

Em: [laughs]

Christine: –left it. And I didn’t know what was happening. She just kept saying, “How do you spell ‘Mommy’?” And I was like, “Aw–” Like cooking dinner.

Em: Mm-hmm.

Christine: Like, “Aw, she’s making me a card.” [laughs]

Em: No.

Christine: She’s like, “How do you spell ‘loves’?” And I’m like, “Oh, you know.” And then she wrote– She’s like, “How do you spell ‘Honker’?” [laughs] I was like, “Excuse–“

Em: I certainly hope you call Blaise “Honker” in your personal life now. [laughs]

Christine: [laughs] I’m gonna start.

Em: “Mommy loves Honker.”

Christine: [laughs] I just was like– And then Blaise [laughs] was just like so stoic and was like, “I don’t know what to tell you.”

Em: At least you both know it will change maybe five minutes later. So who even knows?

Christine: Yeah. Well, you know, that’s so great ’cause it’s the only one that’s really stuck, which is my favorite. It just makes me so happy. Um–

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: Yeah. So, anyway, it’s, uh– I think yesterday I said– she said, “What’s your name?” And I said, “I’ll be Corinne,” and she said, “I’ll never remember that.” And I said, “But I’m your daughter,” and she goes, “Um, I’ll call you Chloe.” And I went, “What the fuck?” Like I don’t even get to name myself when we play school.

Em: She was like, “I threw you a bone–“

Christine: Yeah.

Em: “–to play along, and you didn’t match my energy. So we’ll just–“

Christine: “You really didn’t.”

Em: “I’m gonna rescind that invite actually.”

Christine: “You gotta read the room, and now I’m the boss again. ’Cause I’m Pretty, remember? Uh, and I rule.”

Em: [laughs] “Don’t forget.”

Christine: She actually says, “I actually am the boss of, um–“ She calls it the tri-state area. I forget what she calls it. Uh, Newport and, and Hamilton County. I don’t know. She has a very specific way of s-stating her–

Em: Miss Pretty of the Tri-State County, the Tri-State Area.

Christine: [laughs] Yeah. Lookout, Miss U– Miss USA or whatever you’re called. Um, yeah.

Em: Do you know what Miss Pretty is doing for your bday? You have any idea what’s coming up next week?

Christine: You know, not even a, not even a one.

Em: Okay.

Christine: Ye–

Em: Do you know what Honker’s doing for you?

Christine: [laughs] So he better do something special ’cause Mommy loves him. Um–

Em: [laughs]

Christine: [laughs] Oh god, I hate my life.

Em: That’s terrible.

Christine: It’s terrible. Well, actually, one of my oldest friends is getting married the weekend of our birthdays, uh, yours and my birthdays.

Em: Mm-hmm.

Christine: Uh, she’s getting married on 6/6/26, and it’s very intentional. She’s a Scorpio. It’s her whole thing.

Em: Of course.

Christine: Uh, I’m so excited. It’ll be really fun. Leona is a flower girl. So we’re doing that, um, that weekend. And then I will probably just like– I don’t know. Like last year we went to the Appalachian Festival, and I got really high and watched, um, watched like a flute player, a Native American flute player, and it was like–

Em: Oh, we remember.

Christine: [laughs] It’s like it was yesterday. Um, I think about it almost weekly, so if that oc-occurs again at good old Coney Island, I might head over there. Um, but we’ll see.

Em: Very nice. Very nice.

Christine: What are you up to this– Oh, that was Mother’s Day. Never mind. That wasn’t my birthday. Um–

Em: They’re always around the same time.

Christine: Whatever. What, what are you up to this weekend, or this week, your birthday?

Em: Um, I don’t know what’s happening on the day of, and apparently neither does Allison. Yikes. Um–

Christine: Cool– Is that good or bad? I wonder–

Em: I probably f–

Christine: ’Cause if she were like, “I have very specific plans,” I’d also be a little afraid.

Em: No, I’m, I’m not worried at all. She’ll– She has it handled. Although, um, we’ve recently– As, as many know with, with minimal detail [chuckles], that there’s been a ban for quite some time on, um, anyone planning trips except me, and recently the ban has been lifted.

Christine: [gasps]

Em: And Allison has gotten real, uh, excited about planning stuff.

Christine: She's flying a little close to the sun. Is that what you’re saying?

Em: What’s that?

Christine: Is she flying a little close to the sun with her newfound power?

Em: She, she– I don’t want– Not in a negative way, but in a “I’m cautious way,” yes.

Christine: Mm.

Em: She’s, um– Because we– A few times back at, at the beginning of the relationship, we did a lot of outdoor things that she planned, and they didn’t go well. They were not– They ended up not being safe.

Christine: I would argue they were more like near-death experiences.

Em: They weren’t– They– I, I say with love, and she meant very well, however, we certainly– It was the closest to like having to come to terms–

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: –with the end of my life, um, not hyperbole. Um, it was–

Christine: It's not. I can assure you, it’s not, everyone.

Em: And so I was like, “Allison, I think for the rest of the relationship, the planning is on me. You tell me where you wanna go. It’ll– We’re gonna have a good time.”

Christine: We’ll work together.

Em: “We’ll work together.” Um, but–

Christine: I did hear she forgot pillows.

Em: But now this time around, um, we recently just went camping, and she planned that. She also– She, she pretty much nailed it except she forgot pillows. Um, that was the worst one, for sure because then I had to sleep on the ground–

Christine: That’s a big one.

Em: –um, without a pillow, and I– I’m– You’re, you know– I was gonna say, uh– I already blinked. What was I talking about? Pillows. Sorry, I haven’t had my drinks yet. I–

Christine: I, I went with you. So I’m– Just hold my hand and bring me back. I go with you. That’s the problem. People look at me like, “Where was I?” I was like, “I don’t know. I went with you. What the hell do you want me to do? I didn’t tether myself to anything in reality.”

Em: Well, what I was gonna– I, I was gonna say, uh, I sleep with like three to four pillows every single night in a very specific position.

Christine: Yeah, you have to have like the– Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Em: And the fact that there was none. I mean, I thought I was in a coffin. It was horrible.

Christine: You were, I think. Sort of. The earth– an earth coffin.

Em: [chuckles] I mean, technically, I was on the dirt. Um, but no, it–

Christine: If you died, you would have just slowly.

[Christine lowers her hand down towards the ground.]

Em: [laughs]

Christine: –made your own coffin.

Em: Just kept, kept it moving.

Christine: Just grave, yeah.

Em: No, I, I had a– we had a very good time. It was very, um– It was like in the middle of the week so that way it wouldn’t be too crowded≠–

Christine: Mm.

Em: –and the weather was really nice, and we stayed up and had a fire. It was very sweet. So she nailed that, and I was like, “Okay, okay.”

Christine: That sounds lovely.

Em: And all I know– I don’t know what’s happening on the day of my birthday, but I know for my birthday another trip is coming up that she’s also planning. So I’m like–

Christine: A trip?

Em: I know. And I don’t, I don’t–

Christine: Maybe it’ll be like a cozy cabin or something.

Em: Maybe. She’s got to stop it with these, with these outdoor things ’cause I’m–

Christine: She loves an outdoor though.

Em: –I still have a lot of trauma from the past.

Christine: She–

Em: I’m like, “Why don’t you just take me to a nice museum?” You know what I mean?

Christine: Well, she’s looking for some wood to make her beautiful jewelry, you know. She's out there working.

Em: [whispering] I thought the same thing.

Christine: Yeah?

Em: I was like, “She’s just–“ It’s like when you use the business card. I’m like–

Christine: Uh-huh. Expense it. And it’s like–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: –to what end? To what end?

Em: She’s like, “‘No, no, no. This is, this is romance, Em,’” as I, as I steal all of the scrap wood from the fire.”

Christine: And then like just a stick goes in the back pocket. [laughs]

Em: [laughs] No, I’m, I’m glad you said it ’cause I thought it and I went, “That is a sneaky little creative lady.”

Christine: It’s so funny. Oh! By the way, I know we talked about my heart glasses in the Zenni ad, which like not even an ad because– Well, it was an ad.

[Christine puts heart-shaped brown glasses on.]

Christine: This is not an ad because I just love them. But, um– My heart glasses. But I also wore yesterday my heart glasses and the necklace Allison made me, my like triangle necklace.

Em: Mm.

Christine: And my therapist was like, “Oh my gosh, I just love all of this together. It’s such a good energy.” And I was like, “Well, that–“

Em: That, that’s very sweet of you.

Christine: “That’s–“

Em: No, she’s–

Christine: Um, can you tell the name, the website or how to get–

Em: Yeah. So we’re all very proud of Allison over here. She has, um, broken free from the corporate chains.

Christine: I am so proud of her.

Em: And, um, she is now making her own jewelry. We’ve already talked about it before on the show, but just another shout-out.

Christine: We just love to talk about it.

Em: Uh, it’s called Forager’s Craft–

Christine: Yes.

Em: –and you can find it on Etsy. All of her stuff is like ethically sourced, you know, upcycled or–

Christine: Yes, on walks with Em. [laughs]

Em: [laughs] Exactly. From a very specific campground I was just sleeping on. Um–

Christine: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Underneath Em. Oh my god.

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: She should charge extra for those.

Em: That– I– That would be crazy. That would be crazy.

Christine: “Em used this as a pillow.”

Em: [laughs] I– Honestly if she carved out a pillow with wood, I’d’ve been like, “At least my head is supported.”

Christine: Oh, that’s nice. Yeah.

Em: [sighs] But no, it’s, uh– Everyone, please go check out Forager’s Craft.

Christine: I’m so proud.

Em: Support local business, woman-owned, queer-owned.

Christine: Yeah. Hell yeah. And then she posted this reel yesterday that was like “proof that you– you’re one YouTube video away from doing any job a man can do,” and I was like– and then it was like the woodworking tools. And I was like, “Ahh! Oh my god. She's such a badass bitch. I love her.”

Em: A, a while ago, she would have been– what, what were they calling it? A girlboss.

Christine: A girl– I almost said that, and I was like, “Ew! [makes retching noises] Vomit.”

Em: [laughs]

Christine: Um, yeah.

Em: No, uh, our garage has– Originally, the thought was, “Oh, that’ll be like my studio.” Nope. Now it’s a garage, but it’s a–

Christine: Ah! Sorry, act fast. Gotta act fast.

Em: You could look in there. You wouldn’t know if, uh, a queer woman works in there or a big old sweaty man.

Christine: Or like lumberjack Tom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Em: Yeah, it’s a wood shop for sure.

Christine: Yeah, that’s amazing.

Em: So I’m very proud of her.

Christine: Aw.

Em: Um, but yeah, that’s all I got going on for my, my birthday. I know this is a long intro, but I will also say out of selfishness, there’s another birthday to celebrate tomorrow.

Christine: [gasps]

Em: Um–

Christine: Hankies?

Em: Someone– Today’s my baby son’s last day of being one.

Christine: Our resident Gemini pet. Our only Gemini pet, I think, in this– in between the two of us.

Em: And, and boy Gemini when you–

Christine: A boy– Oh, toxic as fuck, dude.

Em: I know. He’s–

Christine: I love it.

Em: Don’t worry. Um, but no–

Christine: I have a boy Scorpio, so I know, you know.

Em: God, what a nightmare they would be. Um, if they met, I feel like it’d be–

Christine: I don’t think it’d–

Em: –either like enemies to lovers or lovers to enemies, and I don’t know which one it is.

Christine: It’s gonna be a fucking tornado is what it is.

Em: Um, today, I’m planning his puppy b-day that’s gonna be at the dog park–

Christine: I mean–

Em: –so, very big day over here. And–

Christine: I mean, is it– What’s the theme?

Em: If I told you– What’d you say?

Christine: Is there a theme?

Em: Oh, yeah. His bark mitzvah. We’ve discussed.

Christine: Oh, we’ve discussed this. Sure.

Em: Um, I’ll show you some of the stuff that’s already come in. Also, everyone at the dog park is so nice. Everyone like just recycles their old stuff. So like this is like– [holds up a folded white cloth with red and black pawprints] someone gave me like a tablecloth. Um–

Christine: [gasps] Oh, to like do the birthday. Oh, that’s cute.

Em: So this is his bandana tomorrow.

[Em holds up a blue bandana with “nice Jewish boy” in white capital letters on it and a white Star of David below.]

Em: “Nice Jewish boy.”

Christine: Oh my word. Yep.

Em: Of course.

Christine: I remember.

Em: Classic NJB. And then, um, of course you can’t have a bark mitzvah without a yarmulke and a little tallis.

[Em holds up a matching blue yarmulke decorated with a Star of David and with a strap to hold it in place and a blue tallis with a Star of David at each end with white trim.]

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: It’s r– I– We’re bringing dreidel even though that’s mainly like a Hanukkah thing.

Christine: You are out of your mind.

Em: We, we have paint your own dreidel.

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: You know what? And I’m very happy for him. He’s technically 13. He’s a b– a man now.

Christine: Wow. A little pre-teen boy.

Em: And, uh, I also– I have Pin the Tail on the Hankies, so we–

Christine: [laughs] That’s good.

Em: –cut out a, cut out a big Hank. Uh, and then I didn’t– I thought there was just gonna be like a party for like dog park people, but Allison’s like inviting like our friends outside of the dog park to come too.

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: So it’s supposed to be like a thing. And–

Christine: One time in New York City, I wa– I witnessed a dog’s birthday party, and like the amount of like pomp and circumstance and like people dressed up to the nines who attended this event, and I was like, “This is living.”

Em: [laughs]

Christine: “This is– These people are living,” and I just get to witness it.

Em: I have, uh– I– My version of that is I’m wearing pants with his face all over it tomorrow, s–

Christine: [laughs]

Em: And that’s living, I’ll tell you.

Christine: That is living. Oh my god.

Em: [chuckles] Anyway, that– So, this is my first real birthday with him ’cause he turned one with us last time, but we had– we didn’t know each other yet. So now he’s getting–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: –all his favorite stuff.

Christine: Wow. Special.

Em: So it’ll be a big day. Um–

Christine: Special boy.

Em: Yeah. Anyway, so I just needed to say it out loud because we woke up this morning and I was like, “Oh, it’s your last day as a one-year-old.”

Christine: Aww.

Em: “Little baby.”

Christine: Well, I love all this Gemini triplet energy we’ve got now.

Em: I know. [laughs] Truly.

Christine: It’s really exciting.

Em: It’s like, “Oh, just another person to like scream celebrate at.”

Christine: We just, we just can’t stop ourselves. It’s never enough.

Em: Never could, never will, never should.

Christine: Mm-mmm, Mm-mmm.

Em: Oh, man. Well, thank you for letting me, um, take a moment to talk about the bday boy.

Christine: Always. Forever and ever.

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Story 1 – Birthday Deja Vu

Em: Anyway, uh, shall we get into some stories?

Christine: Let’s do it. I’ll go first. Uh–

Em: Okay. By the way, the theme is birthday.

Christine: Yes, that’s right. Of course it is, ’cause this isn’t the end of us talking about ourselves.

Em: No.

Christine: Ah-ha-ha. You thought wrong. Okay?

Em: Thank you, Eva, by the way, for finding all these.

Christine: Yes. Thank you, Eva. Um, and thank you, Megan, for, for putting a call out and what– whatever happened to get– to make this happen. I know sometimes we ask for stories, and when we do that, it is for usually an upcoming episode um, on social. So you can see that there if we have a theme coming up. Okay, so this is called “Birthday Deja Vu.” It’s our first birthday-themed story for this month. “Hi Em and Christine! Heard you were calling for spooky birthday stories, so here’s the one that happened to me a couple months ago. Ever since I was little, I would get weird dreams, months or years in advance, of places and situations I’ve never been to and never been in.”

Em: Mm.

Christine: “After waking, I would always think ‘Weird,’ go about my business, and then the dream would happen later in real life.”

Em: Oh!

Christine: “My dad gets the same dreams, and the rest of my family has learned [chuckles] to just kind of go with it when one of us brings it up. About a year and some change ago, I had a dream I was in this open-air market with green walls with my dad. He kept going deeper into the market, and we ended up getting locked in overnight. There were more details, but these are the important ones. Fast forward to this past March, and I went on a trip for my birthday to a nerd convention and brought my parents along.”

Em: [chuckles] Oh, yeah.

Christine: Is that what you and Allison are gonna do next? Is that what she’s planning?

Em: You know what? Any day at this point.

Christine: [laughs] You’re, you’re nerding out all day every day.

Em: [laughs]

Christine: Okay. “–brought my f– brought my parents along. On one of the days we were on this trip, we were down in a touristy area, going through a bunch of little market places. My dad veered my mom and I into this little warren of market fronts where they were getting ready to close. We went in a little bit before I stopped because I noticed that the market was the same one from my dream – right down to the green walls.”

Em: Oy. I mean, maybe that’s exciting to you, but to me, I would always be so fucking nervous about what this–

Christine: Well, here we go.

Em: –what’s coming up.

Christine: Well– But do you remember what happened in the dream?

Em: Her dad kept going further and further in–

Christine: And then they got locked in for the night.

Em: –and then they got locked in. Okay.

Christine: Yeah. So, she notices that, uh, that it looks exactly the same, including the green– sh-shade of green of– on the walls. “I’m immediately like, ‘We gotta go.’ My dad’s still going deeper into the market. I’m making sure I’m in eyeshot of the entrance (so we don’t get locked in), and my mom calls for my dad and says, ‘She had a dream. We gotta go.’ We got out, and they locked the market up behind us with the same kind of grate I remembered from my dream. The only thing missing though was the baseball card shop I had seen. I wonder if we would have found it if we had stuck around. Kind of glad we didn’t.”

Em: Oof.

Christine: Um, I don’t remember a– Did we even talk about a baseball card shop? I don’t think that was even brought up in here. I think we forgot that.

Em: I don’t think so.

Christine: In the story. But either way, um, I wonder if that was meant to be like a warning, like “don’t get locked in”? Or I wonder if that was like just a weird thing that you accidentally got a glimpse of and then evaded.

Em: I wonder if– I– Obviously, I wouldn’t know this, but I, I wonder if it– had they been locked in, it would have been like so inconvenient and annoying to get out of there, and something in her brain went, “When this happens, please get us out of here.”

Christine: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Future you.

Em: “This is so annoying.” Yeah.

Christine: So true. Like future you like, “Please go save me from this.”

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Yeah, true.

Em: Like it could have just been something as like, like– hopefully they weren’t in danger or anything, but it was just like–

Christine: Yeah, locked in with your parents overnight in a shopping center? Forget it. Yeah, exactly.

Em: Or it’s just the, the ripple effect would have been like “Your day is gonna be horrible if you don’t get out of this.”

Christine: Yeah.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: “And it’s your birthday. Please, save yourself.”

Em: “Yeah, you’re gonna miss that thing later, you know.”

Christine: Yeah, that nerd convention. [chuckles]

Em: I– You know, love a nerd convention. Actually, I, I think RJ’s is taking me to, uh, essentially a nerd convention this weekend for–

Christine: Oh, fun.

Em: –for my bday. So, um, have you been to one before? Like with–

Christine: I don’t think so.

Em: Do you go to conventions?

Christine: Not really.

Em: Hm.

Christine: There’s one– Like I remember I went to that psychic convention in town that like–

Em: Yes. Again, we remember that.

Christine: [chuckles] No, that was fun.

Em: That was wild. [chuckles]

Christine: Uh, we talked about the pla-pla– uh, pamphlet and then– I think in Yappy Hour, and then we talked about the pamphlet for the furry convention that your–

Em: Mm.

Christine: –family member went to, but I don’t usually go to many conventions. That was more I feel like a West Coast thing.

Em: Maybe. I–

Christine: I don’t know.

Em: I don’t know if it’s a–

Christine: I hear they have like tattoo conventions that like– A lot of people I know went last weekend, and my– one of my friends was like, “I spent al– My husband and I spent almost $2,000 on tattoos,” and I was like, “Whoa.”

Em: I–

Christine: So that’s a whole thing.

Em: A tattoo convention feels like a dangerous place to be if you’re–

Christine: Totally.

Em: –if you’re, uh, hankering for a tattoo.

Christine: I must avoid. I must avoid. Yeah.

Em: Yeah, yeah. Do you have an idea for a future tattoo that you’re gonna do?

Christine: I have so mu– it– I mean, 11,000. Yeah.

Em: What’s, what’s the one that’s–

Christine: I mean, I still don’t have my Hot Stuff, you know. So that would be number one. I really want my Hot Stuff guy.

Em: Any other big pressing ones?

Christine: Yeah. I really want a mourning dove–

Em: Nice.

Christine: –and I really wanna get my Hum Hallelujah tattoo. Oh my gosh, I need to get stars next to my Little Prince tattoo. It c– I could go on forever. [chuckles]

Em: Well, I bet like at a tattoo convention, you, you could break it up so quickly, like–

Christine: Oh my god. Have like a little rubric and be like–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: –“Okay, I need my ginkgo leaf. Who’s gonna do that?” Yeah. Oh my god.

Em: Yeah, “My 8 o’clock can do the stars. My 9 o’clock can do this.”

Christine: I love that.

Em: That actually sounds– I mean, it makes sense why, why people host those.

Christine: Maybe next year I’ll go. Yeah.

Em: [chuckles] Okay.

Christine: For my birthday.

Em: ’Cause you’re like–

Christine: ’Cause it was like–

Em: As you’re like, “Please, I shouldn’t ever touch that area.”

Christine: I think it was last weekend. So it is like birthday season, you know. Maybe–

Em: Exactly.

Christine: –maybe I’ll do that for birthday next year.

Em: Once you’re halfway through May until halfway through June–

Christine: [singing “Celebration” by Kool & the Gang] ♪ Celebrate– ♪

Em: –anything could be excused.

Christine: Anything’s our day, and everything’s our day.

Em: I, I know to– better than to expect other people to feel that way, but my brain operates that way, you know.

Christine: That’s right. And as it should.

Story 2 – I Got Sleep Paralysis For My Birthday

Em: All right, we’ve got another one from Meredith who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the subject line is “I Got Sleep Paralysis For My Birthday.” Wow, lucky.

Christine: Eugh!

Em: Lucky.

Christine: No.

Em: Okay. Meredith says, “Hi, Eva et. al. Uh, today is my 29th birthday,” and her birthday is April 29–

Christine: [gasps]

Em: –so this is your golden year.

Christine: That’s right. Happy bday. Happy golden birthday.

Em: “I’m a Taurus, so I don’t believe in any of that bullshit,” and then says like with a smiley face like probably, probably does believe it.

Christine: Okay, Taurus. Yeah, I see you.

Em: Like we’re just being stubborn for no reason ’cause we’re Taurus.

Christine: Ha-ha. I see you, Taurus.

Em: And then, and then she says, “But you didn’t click on this for my astrology jokes.”

Christine: Okay, listen, Taurus. You are– Taurus season’s over.

Em: [chuckles] Yeah. Back up.

Christine: Have you gotten the memo?

Em: It’s over.

Christine: Get the memo.

Em: As I just said–

Christine: It’s a mutable sign season. It’s Gemini time.

Em: As I just said, halfway through May is my time. Even though that’s Taurus season–

Christine: Thank you.

Em: –it’s my time.

Christine: [laughs]

Em: Okay? Back up.

Christine: Gimme it. [laughs]

Em: BTFU. Back the fuck up. You know what I’m saying?

Christine: BTFU. I do.

Em: Okay. “This isn’t paranormal really, but it was creepy as hell, and on my birthday, no less. Very rude of the universe.”

Christine: Mhm.

Em: “Well, I spent all morning trying to do damage control from The Problem Co-worker, and about 2 p.m., I decided I deserved a nap.” That’s right. Um–

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: “–so I walked from my office to my living room where one of my cats was being cute sleeping on the sofa, and I snuggled up with her. I set an alarm for one hour, but when it went off, Joon–” who I guess is the cat–

Christine: [gasps]

Em: –and you have a June, who’s a cat.

Christine: That’s right. It’s a great name.

Em: Uh, “–Joon was still sleeping next to me, and it’s still my birthday so, I was like, ‘Just a few more minutes’”–

Christine: Uh-oh.

Em: “–and fell back asleep. Apparently, that was a mistake. My parents are coming at 6 to pick me up for dinner, and the next thing I knew, I heard their voices in the house.”

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: “And of course, I thought, ‘Shit, I slept a whole two hours,’ and I tried to get up or say something, but nothing happened.”

Christine: Agh!

Em: “Then I felt, that I couldn’t actually see–“

Christine: [gasps]

Em: “–but I felt my mom somehow on the sofa next to me (this is not a sofa two adults can lie on).” But she felt someone lying next to her anyway.

Christine: No, not– No. No.

Em: “She told me that they had just decided not to take me out for my birthday, which made me very sad, but also confused–“

Christine: Whoa.

Em: “–’cause like why are you in my house then?”

Christine: Yeah.

Em: “And my mom’s various limbs–“ Eugh! Well, that al–

Christine: Agh!

Em: That alone needs to be put–

Christine: What a weird way to say that.

Em: Should have backspaced and retyped that one, Meredith. Uh–

Christine: No, I love it. Fucking own it.

Em: “My mom’s various limbs seem to be in places that didn’t make sense.”

Christine: Ahh! [laughs] I told you it needed to stay. It needed to stay.

Em: I bet Meredith actually was like, “This is the best way I– This is the nicest way I can put it.”

Christine: Oh, submit this to a fucking story contest.

Em: “I started to think this might be a dream, but I still couldn’t move or speak or wake myself up.”

Christine: Ugh.

Em: “Then suddenly, my parents were gone–“

Christine: [groans]

Em: “–and I was still frozen except for my toes, fingers, and eyes. I was looking at Joon sleeping on the blanket in front of me, except her face was now on the back of her head.”

Christine: Ah! What the fuck?

Em: Hey. And you can’t move. I’d be like–

Christine: Hey.

Em: –“This is the exact moment I would like to move please.” Uh–

Christine: Hey. My brain is now breaking in half.

Em: “I was now firmly convinced I was having sleep paralysis, although I didn’t– that didn’t make what I was seeing any less disturbing.”

Christine: Uh-uh.

Em: “For what felt like hours, I keep trying to move, get up, anything–“

Christine: [groans]

Em: “–and sometimes I would think I’d done it, only to realize that it was too an illusion.” Oh! For hours.

Christine: Jesus. This is a nightmare.

Em: Your parents better take you to like the finest steakhouse for this dinner when you wake up.

Christine: [laughs] Yeah, they better show up with champagne.

Em: “After, I don’t know, forever, I heard my parents’ voices outside, and this time I thought they might really be there. I heard them ring the doorbell and start getting more concerned when I didn’t answer.”

Christine: Oh!

Em: I mean, imagine literally hearing the doorbell and you can’t get up?

Christine: And being frozen still? Like how is this not waking your body up? I’m getting freaked out.

Em: I’d be like, my soul is like barely attached to my body right now.

Christine: It’s on vacation. Yeah.

Em: Yeah. “I was worried they would look in the front window and see me motionless on the couch and think I died.”

Christine: Yeah! And the cat’s face on the wrong side of its head. [laughs]

Em: [laughs]

Christine: Everything’s just like fucking bat-batshit crazy.

Em: If they saw both those things, I would hope that they would come try to save you for sure.

Christine: I think they’d be in sleep paralysis. This is just such a nightmare.

Em: I, uh– Oh my god. Hang on. My fingers panicked, and now I don’t know where I am.

Christine: [laughs]

Em: Oh my god. “I was worried they would look in the front window and see me motionless on the couch and think I died. We’re an anxious family. I tried to yell for them, and when they had the same non-result as always, I tried to just straight up scream, which would have been much less scary than seeing their daughter napping on the couch, I’m sure.”

Christine: Okay. I think they’re being sarcastic, right?

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Okay, okay.

Em: “I, I couldn’t do that either,” the screaming.

Christine: Ugh.

Em: “Yet I heard my own scream coming from what sounded like across the street.”

Christine: What?

Em: So now you’re throwing your own voice even though you can’t use your voice.

Christine: No, your soul is still having a slumber party across the street, and it needs to get the fuck home right now.

Em: Or I wonder if you were trying to scream but the soul that’s barely attached from you is across the street and was trying to get your attention to be like, “I–“

Christine: That’s what I’m saying. It's over there.

Em: Like, “I’m trying.” Oh my god. Oh my god.

Christine: Fucking bring it back.

Em: “And then suddenly all the sounds stopped. My body felt normal, and I cautiously moved my arms and legs.”

Christine: Jesus Christ.

Em: “Everything worked, and I couldn’t hear any voices anymore, so I checked my watch. Only an hour since my alarm went off, and the whole ordeal probably couldn’t have been more than ten minutes, if that.”

Christine: [gasps]

Em: Ugh. “Joon was where I’d left her, looking totally unbothered with her face the right way this time.”

Christine: Mm.

Em: I like how she couldn’t sense your peril at all.

Christine: They serious– or could and just ignored it, which is what my Juniper would do.

Em: [chuckles] “I think my other cat, Wednesday, noticed something was off though, because as I finally managed to sit up, she jumped on the couch and came over to me. I was still in panic mode, but there was nothing to panic about anymore. And then I thought, ‘You know who would love this story?’”

Christine: [laughs] We were the first fucking people that came to mind. Oh god, help me.

Em: And that’s the end of the letter too, by the way. I– That– What a s– What a, a tale she wove, you know?

Christine: Such a fucking Taurus. I mean, really. I’m–

Em: [groans]

Christine: Wow. I really, uh, I really am taken aback by this. Like I think I really hate, I really hate the idea of time stretching, like feeling like really long. And I mean, thank god it wasn’t actually hours, right? But like that feeling of like something’s lasting so long is dreadful to me. And also like–

Em: Why? Oh.

Christine: –I wonder did your– [laughs]

Em: [laughs]

Christine: –did your parents show up or was that part of the dream too? You know what, I wonder.

Em: I don’t know. My, my understanding is like now they’re finally here.

Christine: They’re here. It’s been just like two hours. Yeah, okay. Wow.

Em: I, um– Yeah, that sounds absolutely horrible. Have you ever heard the concept– I don’t even know what the right phrasing is, but like it’s like, um– It’s somewhere on Reddit that like one day prisons will just be like mental prisons, and you’ll– you could be sentenced for like what feels like 1,000 years, but they could just–

Christine: I mean, I’ve seen the Black Mirror episode of that–

Em: Okay, so maybe that’s a Black Mirror episode then.

Christine: –and it fucking scared the shit out of me for the– Like I was literally petrified of that episode. It scared me so bad.

Em: Like you literally just– You, you don’t actually lose any time at all, and maybe your sentence in real life is like ten minutes long.

Christine: It’s like punishment, yeah.

Em: But you could be imprisoned for what feels like 1,000 years.

Christine: Your consciousness feels like it’s like hundreds of years. There– Yeah, that was–

Em: [groans]

Christine: –a blue mirror– or blue mirror, [laughs] Black Mir– That was a blue moon, uh, Black Mirror episode.

Em: This is actually like the like those blue light– blue, uh–

Christine: [laughs]

Em: Whatever. Stupid joke.

Christine: I don’t know. I’ve– Let’s– I’m moving on. Um, thank you so much. Um, sorry that that was your birthday. I hope you at least got a good dinner like Em said, you know.

Em: Like, please. Can you imagine if then they’re like, “All right, Burger King,” and I’m like, “What? I–”

Christine: They’re like, “Actually, we’re kind of like just thinking of you cooking for us.” Like absolutely not. [laughs]

Em: [laughs] “I was thinking leftover Friday. What do you think?”

Christine: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm.

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Story 3 – Paranormal Birthday Story

Christine: Okay. Here’s a p– uh, story. This is sent in by Brenna (she/her). It’s called “Paranormal Birthday Story.”

Em: Cool.

Christine: “Hi Eva, Em, Christine ( if you are feeling spicy, sweet baby G, Hankies, Moonshine, June, Leona, Blaise, Allison, and petrified fruit).”

Em: Mm-hmm.

Christine: Did we get everybody?

Em: Just about.

Christine: Just about. I love–

Em: It’s certainly a lot. It’s a real cast.

Christine: Yeah. Baby G, Hankies, Moonshine, June. Yeah. “I love your podcast. I’ve been a listener since 2020, and let me just say I binged your show, caught up in a year, and got my friend hooked. We’ve been listen– We’ve been to see you twice, and at one of your shows, my friend actually got possessed.”

Em: Hm?

Christine: What? [laughs]

Em: Te– Speak on that. What do you mean?

Christine: “She did a total 180 from her usual cheerful self to sobbing and saying some incredibly weird things. We’re still not over it.” Okay. Wow. Okay.

Em: We’re sorry.

Christine: I’m sorry about that. Oops.

Em: We should have made you sign something.

Christine: “I saw–“ Did I–? Yeah. Oops. Yeah. Don’t sue me for that, I think.

Em: [laughs]

Christine: “I saw your call for paranormal birthday stories and really wanted to share. My grandpa passed away in October about two years ago. It was an incredibly hard time. He was my father figure and watching him struggle with dementia was heartbreaking. He was a quintessential handyman, always helping me with my car or fixing things around the house. A month after he passed, it was my birthday. I’m a Sagittarius – not a Scorpio, Em, so you’re safe.”

Em: I sure am.

Christine: “I live in Illinois now, but I grew up in Michigan. And since my birthday is always in the week of Thanksgiving, it’s a ‘twofer’ trip home. The morning of my birthday, he came to visit me in a dream. It wasn’t my first ‘visit’ from the other side, but it was easily the best. We were back in my childhood home, and he looked younger, just like you guys have mentioned, appearing in the form they felt best in.”

Em: Mm.

Christine: “We were working in his basement workshop like we used to. Everything was so vivid. At the end, as we walked up the stairs, it was a heavy, tearful goodbye. I woke up sobbing, but I knew deep down he was there to say happy birthday and let me know he’s still looking out for me. As the great Lizzie McGuire once said, ‘Well, that’s my life. I hope you enjoyed. I know I did.’”

Em: [laughs]

Christine: “Love your hair, hate your guts. Brenna.” [laughs]

Em: Well, that’s a– The endings today are top tier.

Christine: They are like– I, I need everyone– In, in addition to your pronouns, I want you to put your top three– your, your big three astrology ’cause I’m starting to sense some patterns here. Um–

Em: Actually–

Christine: Right?

Em: –write that down. That's incredible.

Christine: Like at least whatever your Mercury is, like your, your like communication style ’cause it’s, it’s giving like some intensity, um–

Em: [laughs]

Christine: –and some like kind of, uh, cattiness in like a fun way.

Em: You really should– For one of our like upcoming episodes, you really should cover– Like I would love to hear like an astrology 101 from you. I know it’s not–

Christine: Oh, well, thank you. I feel like I’m way too amateur for that, but, you know, I could at least research it. Yeah, that could be fun.

Em: I mean, I know it’s not technically a crime, but it would be a crime if you’re learning all this and don’t get to talk about it.

Christine: Oh! Wow.

Em: So.

Christine: Way to get– Why, why– Trying to butter me up? Yeah, I would love to talk astrology, um, at some point.

Em: I mean, you may feel like you don’t know what you’re talking about, but it’s– I know even less. So like I wouldn’t know sh–

Christine: I did throw the word cazimi out earlier–

Em: Yes.

Christine: –and I know I did that on– Yeah.

Em: I was like, “Is that sushi?”

Christine: I did that– I know, right? I did that to Blaise yesterday. He went, “What? Never mind.” [laughs]

Em: [laughs] You know–

Christine: And I was like, “That’s, that’s where–“

Em: –typical Honker.

Christine: “That’s where we–“ [laughs] Honker, Honker.

Em: Classic Honker.

Christine: You know Honker has a Pisces Moon, which means he’s psychic. Okay, we’ll talk about him another time.

Em: I– Well, okay. I don’t know really what anything means, but when I hear Pisces, I immediately think like, like very like in tune with their emotions–

Christine: Very intuitive.

Em: –and he’s a very intell– emotionally intelligent man.

Christine: Well, he doesn’t fucking talk. He do– But he’s so stoic, you know, that–

Em: He’s– It’s all–

Christine: –like the Capricorn kind of overrides some, some of it, I think.

Em: No, it’s, it’s– Everything’s working in there, for sure. I think he just– he is very wise about when to speak.

Christine: Oh, that’s so deep.

Em: But he’s very emotionally in tune.

Christine: Maybe you should– Maybe we should do a totally astrology episode. Maybe you should do your psychic half, and I’ll do the astrology.

Em: Okay, I’ll just guess what you’re gonna say next. How about that?

Christine: [laughs]

Em: [laughs]

Christine: That– And I’ll say it just to make it sound good.

Em: Thank you.

Christine: Yeah.

Story 4 – I Got Possessed by a Ghost at Your Live Show

Em: Okay, this next one is– Oh! Well, fun. It was sent to us at 2:22, which you know, I love that.

Christine: That’s your lucky number.

Em: And, uh, this is Alexa, who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. Bitch, is this your, is this your friend? Who did you just– Who was Hillary Duff? What was that girl’s name?

Christine: Brenna.

Em: I think this is Brenna’s fucking friend.

Christine: [gasps] This is the one. I didn’t read it. I didn’t read it. It literally–

Em: ’Cause–

Christine: There was one parenthesis I didn’t read, and I usually read the whole thing. It says, “She also wrote in about it after it happened,” but I didn’t like know whether this–

Em: The, the subject, the subject line is, “I Got Possessed by a Ghost at Your Live Show.” [chuckles]

Christine: Oh my god. I should have said it because it says– she did– “We’re still not over it. She also wrote in about it,” but I didn’t wanna say it in case like we don’t–

Em: Well, yeah. Why would you? Like–

Christine: And now I’m like, “Oh, shit.” Okay. Yep. She wrote in about it. [laughs]

Em: That feels like an Eva move. There’s no way that we accidentally got both of their stories in here.

Christine: No, I think probably found it. I think– because Eva knows us well enough to go, “What happened?”–

Em: Yeah. [laughs]

Christine: –and that we’ll wanna know. And that’s a birthday gift. Thank you, Eva.

Em: Well, happy birthday to us. Thank you, Eva. That was–

Christine: Uh-huh.

Em: What a gift. Okay.

Christine: And we get to like play both friends. That’s fun.

Em: Oh my god. Fun.

Christine: You get to be the possessed one.

Em: Remember when I said, “Speak on that”? Okay.

Christine: [gasps]

Em: Well, then Alexa–

Christine: You did!

Em: –was like, “Fine.”

Christine: Holy shit, you manifested it.

Em: Alexa was like, “Will do.” Um–

Christine: I like how you’re like, “Is this your friend?” And I’m like, “What the fuck? I don’t know.” [laughs]

Em: [laughs] And also–

Christine: You were like, “Is this your Lizzie Maguire friend?”

Em: [laughs]

Christine: What?

Em: I will say I, I don’t see the word– the name “Brenna” anywhere, so there might be two people who’ve been possessed at a live show.

Christine: Uh, well, that would be wild. Um, let’s see. This is–

Em: Let’s read on.

Christine: Well, yeah, it doesn’t say who the name of the person, but yeah, I’m assuming this is the same friend.

Em: If not, this is bananas on its own in a different way.

Christine: This is gonna be– That, that’s gonna be– You guys have to link up at that point.

Em: Yeah. Oh my god. Maybe there should be like, um, like a, a– either a– like a Discord–

Christine: A support group.

Em: –or like a group–

Christine: [laughs]

Em: –some sort of group therapy for everyone who’s been possessed at our shows.

Christine: Yeah, we will not be paying for it, just to clarify. [laughs]

Em: But I would like to hear the, the gossipiest bits, so.

Christine: But we wanna be there. Yeah.

Em: Yeah. Um, okay. Here we go. “Hello, And That’s Why We Drink crew. Sorry for such a click-baity headline, but it really is the most accurate way to describe my experience as I can think of nothing else to describe what happened. My best friend–“

Christine: Can you read the headline again? ’Cause I already forget it.

Em: I sure– I surely can. I– Hang on. [mimicking Zak Bagans] “I got possessed by a ghost at your live show.”

Christine: [laughs]

Em: [mimicking Zak Bagans] And we want answers.

Christine: [laughs] We want answers.

Em: “My best friend and I both love your show, so we made a trip to Cincinnati for your live show–” Oh, this happened in your hometown. Dude, that’s–

Christine: I don’t like that that was ten minutes from where I am right now.

Em: Uh, “–this past April,” and it was written in 2023. So–

Christine: Oh.

Em: –so April 2023. Uh, “Cincinnati is a more exciting city than we thought it would be, and that’s saying something as we were both raised in Michigan.”

Christine: Hey– What?

Em: Parentheses derogatory. I don’t know. Um–

Christine: No, fr– fuck you. [laughs]

Em: [laughs] “Anyway, we both ended up with our own spooky things happening: hers at the Airbnb and mine at the show. But this story is about me–” [chuckles] Okay, girl.

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: “–and she can write in her own story if she wants, but it definitely made our last night there especially creepy. Now, on to the possession part. We were having a great time laughing and being scared along with the rest of the crowd. It was about the point in the show where you’re showing a clip where Em or Christine was in a sort of trance.” It was probably you doing the Estes method.

Christine: Oh god. Yes. It’s so creepy.

Em: “It’s hard to remember as this is where I began to fade out of being aware of what was going on around me.”

Christine: Whoa.

Em: Alexa, it sounds like you fell asleep at our show actually.

Christine: Yeah. Well– [laughs]

Em: It’s kind of fucked up that you, you wrote in to tell us that. Wow.

Christine: Your many limbs didn’t–

Em: [laughs]

Christine: –weren’t in the right place, and your cat’s face was on the wrong side of its head.

Em: Okay. “My friend and I looked at each other, and we both had chills, and to me, it felt like the energy had shifted, and my chills didn’t go away.”

Christine: Mm.

Em: “What happens next is a bit hard to describe, but I’ll try my best. The energy around me began feeling a bit heavy, and it kept pressing at me like it needed to say or communicate something–“

Christine: Eugh.

Em: “–and it needed me to do it.”

Christine: Uh-uh.

Em: “I’ve never been overly attuned to spirits, so this was a first experience for me, and I was completely caught off guard. So this energy needed to communicate something, but before I even had the chance to think about what was happening, I thought, ‘What do you need to say?’”

Christine: [gasps]

Em: Eugh. “At that point, an overwhelming sense of grief and sadness washed over me–“

Christine: Oh no.

Em: “–and I basically blacked out.”

Christine: [gasps]

Em: “Over and over in my mind, my only thought was, ‘He’s so sad.’” Oh my god.

Christine: Was that Whaley House?

Em: In 2023? Yeah, I think.

Christine: That was like Mr.– like one of the Whaleys maybe?

Em: Maybe. It– Yeah, that was the first time we ever did the Estes method and–

Christine: Right.

Em: –uh, that was where remember his daughter, Violet, um, died by suicide in the house.

Christine: N–

Em: And he was the one who found her, I think. Right?

Christine: Yes. Yes, he was. ’Cause he had offered her a– like a peach or something–

Em: Yes.

Christine: –and she went out by the outhouse and shot herself. Yeah.

Em: Yes.

Christine: Wow. Okay. So that, that– I mean, that’s immediate what– immediately where my mind went–

Em: Me too.

Christine: –because remember when I would– the– when we did the Estes Method you guys were asking questions like– and they were saying like, “Where is she?” Like–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: –“By the well,” or like, “Outside, check outside,” or– Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Em: Ooh. I also have chills.

Christine: Oh my gosh.

Em: Um, “That’s all I remember during the entirety of the time I blacked out,” was just thinking, “He’s so sad.”

Christine: [sighs]

Em: “I don’t remember what happened the last bit of the show. I came to during the singing of ‘Happy Birthday’ to,” [chuckles] my mom, “to Linda, uh–“

Christine: [laughs]

Em: “–with my friend holding me close and rubbing my shoulders and speaking firm affirmations and grounding me.” Oh my god.

Christine: Whoa.

Em: At least your friend clocked that. Like I would have not even noticed that my friend was going through something if I was watching a show. I would have been like–

Christine: I would have been like, “You had too many White Claws. [chuckles] Go to the bathroom.”

Em: I’d be like, “Oh, you have some weird tunnel vision going on right now.” I’d be like, “Why aren’t you laughing? This is so funny.” [laughs]

Christine: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’d be like– And also like what a jarring way to wake up, Linda dancing and–

Em: Yes. [laughs]

Christine: Wow.

Em: Which by the way, thank you everyone for always being so complimentary. My–

Christine: Oh, it’s so fun.

Em: It made my mom very happy to get people singing “Happy Birthday” to her.

Christine: Oh, it makes it so special, especially when it was in Cincinnati. Like we sang to her.

Em: Mm-hmm.

Christine: I mean, she wasn’t there, I guess, but, um–

Em: It was always an April show, or whichever April show was closest to her birthday.

Christine: Yeah, yeah.

Em: We never did that for Renate. You– She wouldn’t have cared for that?

Christine: [sighs] Well, she has an August birthday, and she’s usually in Europe. And like I feel like we don’t usually tour–

Em: Sure.

Christine: –in August. We’re usually like finishing up something for the fall or– Yeah.

Em: Sure, sure.

Christine: It's just the timing. I love you, Mom. I swear to god.

Em: [laughs]

Christine: She’s a Leo, so like she does want the attention. It’s not that. It’s–

Em: We should have done one just on a random day and just had a, a–

Christine: We still can. We have some time before August rolls around.

Em: [chuckles] Uh, “I don’t remember what happened the last bit of the show. I woke up to singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Linda, um, with my friend holding me and grounding me.”

Christine: Oh my god.

Em: “I was sobbing, not just a few tears, but like full-blown sobbing, and I was shaking, and I couldn’t catch my breath–“

Christine: Jesus.

Em: “–and I was getting the weirdest fucking looks from folks around me.” I mean, you did look incredibly moved by the Happy Birthday song to other people there. [chuckles]

Christine: Or s– or terrified of it, which like–

Em: Or horrified.

Christine: Both are– And, and I feel like even if people are looking at you, I think a lot of times like it can feel– I can’t speak on this, but knowing our listeners and viewership, I think a lot of times it’s like, “Oh, should I do something to help?”–

Em: Yes, 100%.

Christine: –rather than like, “What the hell is wrong with you?” You know what I mean? Like I think there’s a different– I’m hoping at least that you sense that it wasn’t like a judgmental–

Em: No, I would–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: –I would bet a million dollars everyone was like–

Christine: With our crowd.

Em: –“How do I help? Is she okay?”

Christine: Yeah, yeah.

Em: Um, “I was absolutely shaken after this, and I still can’t describe exactly why or what happened.”

Christine: Mm.

Em: “We, we were some of the last to leave the crowd as I was trying to calm down. But don’t think for a moment that that will deter me from going to another show. We will–“ [laughs]

Christine: [laughs]

Em: It was like, “Okay.”

Christine: You will not be allowed. I will not allow it. I don’t want you to go through that again. We'll put you in a special viewing booth. Okay? [chuckles]

Em: A– Yeah. A special booth, or we’ll just, we’ll just send you a– like a video of us just telling you what’s going on. Um–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: “We’re both excitedly waiting for your next tour. Thank you so much for the work and dedication.” Uh, so hopefully you came to our, uh, Pour Decisions tour then, so.

Christine: Yes, and hopefully didn’t have another cris– like terrible crisis.

Em: Um–

Christine: But I wonder like do you think it’s the same fa– Now I’m f– Now I’m really weirded out, Em. ’Cause you’re right. There’s no– Oh, but it must be the same, right?

Em: It must be. But I mean, how would we– There’s no evidence. There’s no–

Christine: Oh.

Em: When did, when did the– When did– I’m s-sorry. I lost her name again.

Christine: I mean– Uh, Brenna.

Em: But when did she write in?

Christine: Um–

Em: I mean, I guess it doesn’t really prove anything.

Christine: –“We’ve been to see you twice…” “I got my friend hooked. We’ve been to see you twice. And at one of your shows, my friend actually got possessed.” Casual.

Em: Okay. Well–

Christine: “She–“ So that–

Em: If they do know each other, it at least implies they did go back to another show.

Christine: Oh, true. And this was written like in this May, like a week ago.

Em: It, it could have been them.

Christine: So, okay. Wow. Oh! Wow. Okay. Wow, wow, wow. I love this, Eva. [clapping] Good job finding those.

Em: Yeah. That was– That’s–

Christine: Oh my gosh.

Em: I wonder what Eva had to look on like–

Christine: [sighs]

Em: –in the mail. Just be like–

Christine: “Possessed at your live show.”

Em: Possessed, yeah.

Christine: How many do you think came up? Because I hope one.

Em: I don’t know. But if there was ever mo– at least five or six, that should be a whole different listeners’ episode.

Christine: Then we need a problem– We need a red alert if that’s going on.

Em: 100%. Um–

Christine: Uh, wow.

Em: –and then Alexa signs it, “Yours in Bagelbites.”

Christine: Oh, cute! Oh my god.

Em: Love that.

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Story 5 – Disney Birthday Gone Wrong

Christine: Okay, so I believe I’m up next.

Em: Yes.

Christine: This is number five, and it’s from– Let me see here. Um–

Em: I was shaking my, my iced tea, but it feels like I was drum rolling you in.

Christine: Oh!

Em: Wait, hang on.

Christine: It does sound like a drum roll.

Em: Ready? And number five, the person who wrote in is… [shakes their iced tea]

Christine: Lisa! She/her.

Em: Whoo!

Christine: And it says, “Em, Christine, Eva, and pets. I saw you were looking for birthday stories, and I have a good one.” And this– By the way, the title is “Disney Birthday Gone Wrong.”

Em: Oh, I hope the Haunted Mansion is involved.

Christine: Now, that would be fun. “You can use my first name. When I was five years old (in 1980 for context), my dad took me to Florida for my birthday. The plan was to stay with his cousin, who lived on the Gulf Coast, for a few days, then stay with my dad’s friend, Didi, in Orlando and visit Disney World for two days.”

Em: Cool.

Christine: “Didi said her boyfriend lived only four miles from Disney.” I’m already starting to feel this is a fucking, um, true crime story, and I’m like not loving it already. Okay.

Em: Okay.

Christine: “We arrived at Didi’s boyfriend’s house, and I was so excited. He was a lawyer, and the house was really fancy. It even had these weird toilets with no seats, which I found out later were urinals.”

Em: Good. Good.

Christine: Yeah, yeah. Could also be a bidet, but anyway.

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: “There was a lake out back with a little plane that landed on the water.” Jeez.

Em: Okay, money.

Christine: “The next–“ Yeah. [chuckles] No big deal. Happy birthday.

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: “The next morning, Didi was driving us to Disney in a big white Cadillac. One thing you should know about Didi–“ I think I know a lot about Didi already. “One–“ [chuckles]

Em: [chuckles] I’m learning– I’ve learned more than I think you know what you’ve said.

Christine: [chuckles] Yeah, exactly. She speaks for herself. Her reputation precedes her. “One thing you should know about Didi is that she was known at that time for her love of the devil’s lettuce.”

Em: Mm, okay.

Christine: “I’m pre– I’m–“

Em: I really like– I mean, I have yet to hear a bad thing about Didi, so. [chuckles]

Christine: I mean, Didi sounds like a party. Okay. Um, “One thing you should know she was known at the time for love of the devil’s lettuce. I’m pretty sure she did a wake and bake that day because she couldn’t find Disney World.” [chuckles] Oh no.

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: Oh no. Didi.

Em: What do, what do you mean? Like were you already there and she– Is it like, um, like–

Christine: So they said they live four– that her boyfriend lived four miles from Disney World. And now she’s gonna drive Lisa to Disney World on her birthday and got lost, I guess, going to Disney World four miles away.

Em: So one of the most famous scenes of Jersey Shore is when Snooki is on the beach, and she’s drunk, and she goes, “Where’s the beach?” She can’t find the beach. And sh–

Christine: [laughs]

Em: And the guy points at the sand, and he’s like, “This is– It’s right here. This is the beach.” [laughs]

Christine: [laughs] “Where’s the beach?” Yeah.

Em: And she goes– She keeps going, “Where’s the beach? Where’s the beach?” And then she gets arrested ’cause she’s like–

Christine: That’s right.

Em: –obviously so hammered she doesn’t know where she is. But–

Christine: And she’s wanderi– screaming in public. Yeah.

Em: Yeah. I mean, she– Anyway, it’s– This is kind of reminding me of that where like she’s like, “Basically, you could see the castle, and she’s like, ‘Where’s Disney?’”

Christine: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She’s like, “I can’t find it.” And like I mean, I know it’s 1980, but I think even then like they had like Mickey Mouse like signs. I mean, maybe it’s not as much as it is now, but I imagine they try to show you where it is–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: –if you’re only a couple miles away, but I don’t know. Okay, so she did a wake and bake that day. She couldn’t find Disney. “She stopped at a gas station for directions and pretended to get gas, but then after she got directions, she started driving off with the hose still in the gas tank.”

Em: [sucks in a breath] Oh, Didi.

Christine: What is happening?

Em: I don’t think Didi was on the devil’s lettuce. I think– [chuckles]

Christine: This feels like something–

Em: Something else.

Christine: –something else is happening. I know people like to say devil’s lettuce, but I mean, it sounds like maybe she’s– Anyway. “Eventually, she dropped us off–“ [chuckles] Okay. “–and we had a fun day. The next day, I was devastated to learn that we were driving home back to my dad’s cousin’s house. My dad insisted we were only ever going to Disney for one day, but I knew better.” So basically the trip got cut short, and the dad was saying like, “I always said that,” and she’s like, “No, you didn’t. Like we were supposed to be here longer,” I guess.

Em: Mm.

Christine: “It wasn’t until I was 25 when, when my dad told me the real story.” Oh gosh. “The day–“

Em: What? It was the devil’s snow or something?

Christine: I know. I’m like what could it mean? What could it possibly mean? Okay. “The day of our Disney adventure, I woke my dad up before Didi and her boyfriend were awake. He went into the kitchen and looked in the cupboards from– for some cereal to feed me for breakfast. The kitchen cupboards had no food, but they were full of machine guns.”

Em: What the fuck? [chuckles]

Christine: What the fuck?

Em: Yeah, that wouldn’t just lettuce. That was, that was not– Didi’s doing something much harder, for sure.

Christine: There is something much bigger happening. I don’t know what the fuck it is. They do say marijuana is the gateway drug. [laughs]

Em: I– This is like, is this how Scarface started? I– [chuckles]

Christine: I know. I’m like, if I, if I keep smoking– am I gonna go downstairs and find like fucking artillery in the, in the cereal box?

Em: Oh my god.

Christine: I mean, this is so u-upsetting. Okay. So– I mean, it is sad, and I think it’s hard like especially as a kid– and I know parents like– they don’t always know how to handle things–

Em: Sure.

Christine: –but like if– it’s hard to hear that your dad is like– that your parents were like, “Oh, we’re leaving, and that’s it. And you don’t get to go back, and I’m not telling you why.”

Em: And then they’re the bad guy, but like you just don’t know what’s really going on.

Christine: Yeah. Like that sucks. I know that feeling of like being like confused. Um, okay. So he went into the cupboards to look for cereal – Jesus – and found cupboards full of no food, h– but “full of machine guns and heavy artillery.”

Em: Just m– weapons of mass destruction.

Christine: I mean, this is literally Florida– Like this is a– And remember, it’s a rich lawyer’s house. So like, what is he up to with this money, you know? Like this is sketchy as fuck. Okay.

Em: Mm.

Christine: “A few years later, Didi’s boyfriend was sent to prison for smuggling drugs.” Least surprising thing I’ve ever heard.

Em: [chuckles] Right.

Christine: “Didi had left him by then, so she didn’t get in trouble. In fact, she got her act together and got a degree in engineering,” and–

Em: Okay, Didi.

Christine: –hopefully figured out how to use a gas tank. No, just kidding.

Em: [laughs] And figured out where Disney was. Yeah.

Christine: Yeah. And also found her way to Disney World. “So that’s the story of my Disney birthday gone wrong.” Um, wow. Okay. That is, that is– Lisa, I’m so sorry that happened to you. Uh, I’m glad you got a good story out of it 20 years later though.

Em: Yeah. And good to know that, uh, Didi is, is thriving.

Christine: Is doing well, yeah.

Em: We love an underdog. We love–

Christine: Love, love a, love a woman making her own way after getting wrapped up in something.

Em: Mhm. Mhm. Wow. Well, you know, I, I say it all the time, but, uh, I’m not– It’s– I like when we have listener stories that are true crime. That– I feel like it doesn’t happen as often as the spooky stuff.

Christine: It doesn’t happen often, and like there’s something ex– there’s something kind of– Especially when it’s like it wraps up at the end, you know?

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Just feels very, um– I don’t know.

Em: Uh, there– Well, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you off camera. My mom has a similar, [chuckles] similar story, but, uh–

Christine: What?

Em: It– Yeah, I know I’m leaving people hanging there. I was, I was thinking I was like, “Should I say it?” And I was like, “I, I, I don’t know how much I should say.” But, um, she, she had a, a boyfriend–

Christine: Was it in Florida?

Em: –who was into some stuff. Let’s just say that.

Christine: Oh. Oh, yeah.

Em: She’s not now.

Christine: Uh, I think all our moms did, at least back in the ‘80s. Um, at least–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: –they tell– at least some of them do ’cause my mother is like, “Oh–” and she exaggerates, so I don’t know how much of that is true. But yeah, there’s some weird stories from back then. I’m like, people just kind of were like, “Oh, well.” [chuckles]

Em: Yeah. No, my– I think it’s, I think it’s one of my favorite stories of my mom. Like we’ve all heard that she has experienced a lot of ridiculousness in her life, but th–

Christine: She's lived a life.

Em: –this one was, was a, a doozy. Maybe I’ll talk about it on a– like a future Patreon or something. [chuckles]

Christine: Mm, yeah. Maybe we’ll keep it for like private feed. Yeah.

Em: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Well, okay. Well, thank you so much. Uh, that was Lisa?

Christine: Yeah, it was Lisa. Yes.

Story 6 – Short but Sweet Tale on How I Cursed Humanity

Em: Okay. Now, we’ve got our, our final for the bdays.

Christine: Ah!

Em: This is from – oh my god – Grace, who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the subject line is “Short but Sweet Tale on How I Cursed Humanity.” Grace, you’re an icon.

Christine: So you’re the problem.

Em: I’ve been wondering if I’d ever run into you.

Christine: Mm.

Em: Here we are.

Christine: Hm, hm, hm.

Em: So Grace says, “Hello all, OG listener, first time writing. I went to your show in Burlington, Vermont, and sat front row.”

Christine: Hey! Do you remember that show? Wait, do I remember that show? [laughs]

Em: Well, we’ve, we’ve been to Burlington, Vermont a few times.

Christine: Twice. So that– One of them was the last show before COVID, right?

Em: Mm, okay.

Christine: ’Cause then we went– the next was supposed to be Seattle, and that was February, and that was canceled.

Em: Oh! Yes, yes.

Christine: And we went to, to Maine– Portland, Maine and Burlington as our last two in 2020. Um, yeah.

Em: Wow. Okay, memory. What the hell happened here?

Christine: Well, it’s because I remember thinking, “Wow, I’ve finally gone to Maine,” and then, um, COVID hit.

Em: Ah, yes.

Christine: So I remember like thinking like, “Hey, at least I got to go to Maine before the world ends or whatever.”

Em: And Lisa was with us for those.

Christine: Yes, yes. And there was like a hot tub. It was a whole thing.

Em: I do remember the hot tub. It was a good time.

Christine: I just remember already the air– like things were getting weird about COVID. And, and it was like very subtle, but like things were starting to get– people were chatting. Um–

Em: Mm.

Christine: –but yeah. So, okay. So but then we went back to Burlington, and that was also the week we had our car– our snowbank, right? Or was that something different?

Em: No, that was, that was later.

Christine: That was New Hampshire. Never mind.

Em: That was the next time we were there, and we were driving through New Hampshire.

Christine: I don’t know anything.

Em: You– Shut up. You literally– For the last like two minutes you seemed to just be a calendar, a human calendar.

Christine: I mean, I remember very vividly the last place I vacationed before COVID. That was about it. [chuckles] That’s about the extent of my under– my memory of that time.

Em: I uh, I, I remember Burlington, Vermont, but I don’t remember the– I, I c– don’t have it broken up in my head chronologically.

Christine: Mm. I don’t either.

Em: Uh, they went to our show in Burlington, Vermont, sat front row. “Yes, this was the show where Em gave us all a show with a hole in their pants.”

Christine: Oh, yeah.

Em: Okay, well.

Christine: Yeah, I recall that.

Em: I love that that is the takeaway from the whole night, um, that I–

Christine: I gave you an opportunity to say anything else, and you said nothing, and then we just filled it in with a hole in the pants. [chuckles]

Em: I really– For those who weren’t there, I remember that hole in my pants. It was pretty–

Christine: We all do.

Em: That was a tragic one. I think– I’m pretty sure I was flashing everyone the whole night, and I just told people up front to just embrace what was happening.

Christine: It looks like they did.

Em: Yeah. You know, thank you.

Christine: Mm-hmm.

Em: I feel safe, so.

Christine: Good.

Em: Um, “I have so many crazy stories to tell you, but as my first submission, let me tell you how I cursed all humanity.” [chuckles] Way to bring it home, girl. Okay.

Christine: Let’s just start off like really low, like lowball it, you know?

Em: Yeah. [laughs]

Christine: Like, just start off easy.

Em: Anything from here is downhill.

Christine: Jesus.

Em: “Let’s set the scene. Vermont girl, born and raised to European immigrant parents, traveling in February to escape Vermont’s icy tundra to Florida, the sunshine state.”

Christine: Mm.

Em: “It’s February 2020.” Okay. Well–

Christine: Uh-huh.

Em: –luckily, we have Christine here who remembers every single day.

Christine: [laughs]

Em: “It’s February 2020, my birthday to be exact, and I decide, let’s sit through a three-hour presentation on a Disney time share so we can get discounted tickets for Animal Kingdom. What could go wrong?”

Christine: Okay. Bad birthday idea, but it’s okay.

Em: I– Logistically, you’re making a lot of sense, but I don’t think I could do that.

Christine: Mm-mmm.

Em: “Well, nothing went wrong. The presentation was just hella boring. However, I wanted to celebrate 30 surrounded by zebras, elephants, and other creatures that wouldn’t dare venture to Vermont.”

Christine: Aw.

Em: A fair reasoning. “My husband, two sons, and I absolutely had a blast. When I was on my bazillionth beer (because hey, vacation, and you only turn 30 once)–" I bet your two sons were like, “Mom’s having a great fucking time.”

Christine: She’s on beer bazillion. [laughs]

Em: [laughs] They were probably like, “I can’t wait ’til I can be on beer bazillion.”

Christine: On 30– my 30th birthday? Yeah.

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Sounds like fun.

Em: No judgment. I, I, I feel like if I– At any age, if I saw someone celebrating, I was like, “They’re having a– the time of their life.”

Christine: Oh, hell yeah.

Em: “Good for them.” Um, “We had an absolute blast. When I was on my bazillionth beer, a man stepped on my toe, and I spilled my beer. To say the least, I was miffed. I sat down to have some dessert where my boys reminded me that I hadn’t made my wish yet.”

Christine: [gasps]

Em: A birthday wish. “I closed my eyes and in Dwight Schrute fashion opened my eyes and said, ‘We need a new plague.’” [chuckles] What the fuck is wrong with you?

Christine: Are you–

Em: “Flash forward–“

Christine: –kidding me?

Em: “–to a few weeks later, and it’s March 2020, and we get COVID.” Girl, you ha– you better blame it on your bazillionth beer ’cause wh–

Christine: I had just gone to Maine for the first time, you bitch.

Em: [laughs] Why were you wishing for that? What was– What were–

Christine: What the fuck is the matter with you? A birthday wish? Do you not have any respect for a birthday wish?

Em: Because some guy stepped on your toe? And you’re like, “We need a plague.”

Christine: [chuckles]

Em: You know what? That guy who stepped on your toe has no idea what butterfly effect he caused.

Christine: Wow.

Em: You know when they say like the flap of a wing–

Christine: One wing.

Em: –the step of a toe–

Christine: One toe.

Em: –and all of a sudden, there’s a fucking pandemic. Oh–

Christine: The magic of Disney really. Wow.

Em: “So March 2020 happens, and then we get COVID. My bad. Sorry I wished so hard.” Um. [laughs]

Christine: [laughs]

Em: Yeah, girl. You should for sure. “Since then–“

Christine: “My bad”? [laughs]

Em: [laughs] I could see like the hair being twirled when she says it.

Christine: “My bad. Oops.”

Em: Like, “What? Like manifesting is hard?” Um–

Christine: Oh my fucking god.

Em: –“Since then I’ve tried repeating wishing hard for other things, but it must have been the magic of Disney’s Animal Kingdom.”

Christine: Hey, can you stop? Actually, can you stop wishing for anything is really what I’d rather have happen.

Em: Like did you once wish for it to be reversed, I wonder.

Christine: Yeah.

Em: Now, that I wonder. Hm.

Christine: Interesting. I wonder– Like maybe stop wishing for things is the lesson here. [laughs]

Em: [laughs] Well, that– Thanks for nothing, I guess, Grace. Um–

Christine: [laughs] Hey, that was a cool six years ago. Can you believe that?

Em: You know what? And she’s still paying for it.

Christine: That’s fucking amazing. Um, well, you know what? You went to a Disney, uh, time share presentation, and I think that was called karmic p– retribution. Um–

Em: For sure. I think for some reason there’s now an order–

Christine: Yeah.

Em: –there’s a balance to the order in some way.

Christine: Totally. You’ve been re– Everything’s been rebalanced. And I’m sorry that you were kind of the catalyst, and I’m not really gonna forgive you, but that’s okay.

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: It’s our birthday, so we’re still gonna have fun. And, um, I’d just like to say happy birthday to everyone. Thank you for sending your birthday stories in, even if we didn’t get to them. Um, Eva looked through them, and we appreciate all of them. Um, and if you ever wanna follow what upcoming themes we have, if we have a call for them (sometimes we just decide on like a theme), um, you can check out our social media, atwwdpodcast. Um, and then the spot to submit is on our website, right?

Em: Yes.

Christine: andthatswhywedrink.com.

Em: Yep. And maybe, uh, at a town near you, we’ll eventually be putting out, uh, requests for what your big three is on top of your story submission.

Christine: That’s right. In a town near you. And also maybe if you’ve been possessed at our show and you’re like, “Oh, I d– wasn’t gonna write in about this ’cause I thought maybe it was just a weird panic attack or something,” can you let us know? ’Cause I–

Em: Yeah.

Christine: Now I’m curious if there were like certain parts of the show. Like what if it were the sa– What if it was the same scene, you know, and, and like other people were getting– I– I’m, I’m, I’m needing to understand this from sort of a thir– bird’s eye view.

Em: I mean, I would– Yeah, I would love to know if they’re– Do we need to arrange like a group– not a group therapy, but like should we, should we be getting these people in touch with each other? So that way they at least–

[Christine takes a drink from her water bottle, flipping up the cap which has a clear hole in the middle of it. The clear part lines up exactly with her eye on camera.]

Em: The fact that your eyeball pokes exactly through the hole of that water bottle?

Christine: [laughs] Mike Wazowski.

Em: Like you’re a goddamn professor or something.

Christine: [laughs] Like I’m the peanut, Mr. Peanut.

Em: [laughs]

Christine: Um, [laughs], uh–

Em: Anyway, tell, tell, uh, Miss Pretty that your new name is Mr. Peanut.

Christine: [laughs] She’s not gonna allow it, but I’m gonna try.

Em: Anyway. No, um, thank you, everybody. And I hope anyone else who has a June bday is having a happy birthday week.

Christine: [singing] ♪ Happy birthday ♪

Em: Dare we just try?

Christine: Oh, yeah.

[Em and Christine start singing “Happy Birthday”, going back and forth with one word each.]

Em: ♪ Happy ♪

Christine: ♪ –birthday ♪

Em: ♪ –to ♪

Christine: ♪ –you. ♪

Em: ♪ Happy ♪

Christine: ♪ –birthday ♪

Em: ♪ –to ♪

Christine: ♪ –you. ♪

Em: ♪ Happy ♪♪ High note.

Christine: [straining for the high note] ♪ –birthday ♪

Em: ♪ –dear ♪

Christine: ♪ –uh– ♪

Em: ♪ –us ♪

Christine: ♪ –the most beauti– Pretty and– ♪

Em: [chuckles]

Christine: ♪ –Sparkles and– I forget all our na– Honker ♪♪ No. Their– It’s not their birthday. It’s our birthday.

Em: ♪ Happy ♪

Christine: ♪ –birthday ♪

Em: ♪ –to ♪

Christine: ♪ –us. ♪♪

Em: ♪ –us. ♪♪

Christine: Aw, that’s beautiful.

Em: And that’s why we drink.

Christine: [quickly] And that’s why we drink.

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