Listener Stories: Vol. 90
Stories:
1: Is the lady in white my grandpa? - America (she/her)
2: Nobody believes us: A story about ghosts and disappearing houses. - Jessie (He/they)
3: Return to Sender, Florida (Mail) Man Discovers Local Ghost edition… - Lizzie (she/her)
Welcome to April Ghouls: Two Boos and a Lie! This year for April Fool's Eva is bringing us some ghoulish energy and we're terrified. She has artisanally, hand selected two listener stories about "ladies in white", written a third herself and challenged Em and Christine to figure out which one is the imposter story. What impending foolishness! Can you pick the fake? ...and that's why we drink!
Transcript
[intro music]
Christine Schiefer: Hello, everyone. It's April 1st. Welcome to our April Fools'' episode, umm, I... Eva had the audacity to start speaking to us before I hit record, and then brought some really weird energy to the table. So, I stopped everything, started recording. Eva, please go ahead with your nonsense, uh, now that we're recording you. I hate this.
[laughter]
Eva Gross: You do. That's why I'm doing it. Umm, uh, hello and welcome to April Ghouls:...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, god.
Eva Gross: Do we ce... We celebrate publicly. [laughter] Listen... Two.
Christine Schiefer: I celebrate privately, so don't speak for me. Thank you.
[laughter]
Eva Gross: You're right. You're right. I'm not putting words in anyone's mouth. Uh, only my own. Uh, April Ghouls: Two Boos And A Lie.
Christine Schiefer: Two Boos And A Lie. Okay. All right. Okay. Sure.
Eva Gross: Yeah. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Sure. Whatever you say.
Eva Gross: So, what I have done, I have artisanally hand-selected two...
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: Artisanally.
[laughter]
Eva Gross: Artisanally. Locally sourced.
Em Schulz: Fr-from... From farm to, to...
Christine Schiefer: Locally sourced.
Em Schulz: The audacity.
[laughter]
Eva Gross: To the audacity. Yes. Exactly. Direct... Direct line.
Christine Schiefer: From farm to garage band, actually. I feel like it's a... It's an actually pretty good metaphor there. That's beautiful, Em.
Eva Gross: I actually love that a lot. Umm. That's really lovely. Uh, so, yeah, I picked two stories, but there are three stories for you to read today, so, you have to pick which one I wrote. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh my god. So one of them is a lie that Eva made up.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Got it. This is going to be so interesting because Eva reads so many of these emails, I wonder... She's probably like adopted the exact tone of a real podcast story, like listener story. So, I'm nervous that this is gonna be a big fail on my part. Umm...
Eva Gross: I'm nervous it's going to be a big fail on my part, to be honest. [laughter] I was writing it and I was like, how is this not so obvious? But also people...
Christine Schiefer: Hmm.
Eva Gross: Out there have wild stories. So, there's that too.
Em Schulz: I feel like, I feel like I'm going to be able to figure it out.
Christine Schiefer: I think Em will. I, I do too.
Em Schulz: I feel like I know... I feel like I know Eva well enough. I feel like only one will like mention something really obnoxious about us on road trips and like, [laughter] then I'll, I'll be able to figure out for sure. Because...
Christine Schiefer: I do, yes.
Em Schulz: Maybe she's like just trying to like call us out publicly.
Christine Schiefer: I think I will...
Em Schulz: Maybe that's what this is.
Christine Schiefer: I think I will overthink it and get it, get it wrong. And Em will just like, know, without, with certainty, and without question. So that's my, that's my hypothesis for today, but we'll see what actually happens. Umm.
Eva Gross: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Eva did send us a folder just now.
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Is there a specific, I don't wanna... [chuckle] April Ghouls: Two Boos And A Lie. [laughter] That's the title. Do I...
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I don't want to open it and, and mess anything up. Is there like a specific order or instruction?
Eva Gross: No. There's not an, a specific order. I hadn't actually, you know, since there are only three stories, I figured you guys could pick who goes first, and who doesn't.
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Eva Gross: I did. Umm I did, obviously I took... [chuckle] Christine, here's the thing. I really thought through, I did not think through... You might be right, actually, I think Em is the, the wild card in this situation because Christine, I put so much thought into your internet sleuthing, I literally was like...
Em Schulz: Oh yeah.
Eva Gross: I was like, do I submit my own story through the website? Do I... Yeah. Oh 100%
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You knew I would notice the margins, the margins were different and I'd be like, I know which one it is just ba... Uh without even reading it. But yeah. So sorry.
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Em Schulz: So, this is a classic case of, [laughter] you can't bullshit a bullshitter [laughter] because, umm, Eva... And by the way, we did not... Eva thrust this upon us. Let's be clear.
Eva Gross: Oh yeah. No one asked for this. [laughter]
Em Schulz: We... We don't ask... Eva said, I'm handling April Fools'. Don't worry about it. And I went, didn't know we were celebrating.
Christine Schiefer: Well, but here's the thing. She didn't quite say don't...
Em Schulz: But here we go.
Christine Schiefer: She didn't quite say, don't worry about it. She actually said, I'm really worried about it. We should all be worried about it.
Eva Gross: I'm worried about it.
Christine Schiefer: And I said, well, that's just great. So, there was actually no words of comfort that accompanied her announcement.
Eva Gross: No. No.
Christine Schiefer: I, I feel like Em maybe read the comfort between the lines 'cause from what I got, it was...
Eva Gross: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Eek, I don't know what this is going to be. And I was like, cool, cool, cool.
Eva Gross: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: That's great. Umm, I can't wait. So it all...
Eva Gross: Eek constantly. Eek always and forever.
Em Schulz: Anyway, silent, silent applause around the world for Eva because this was, umm... You didn't...
Eva Gross: Oh, don't do that yet. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Let's... I was going to say, can we hold the applause till after, Em?
Eva Gross: Hold the applause.
Em Schulz: Just proud of you.
Christine Schiefer: You came in feeling really against this whole plot and said, I hate this. And now suddenly, you want to start clapping.
Em Schulz: I mean, I hate this, but I gotta be appreciative of effort whenever I see it.
Christine Schiefer: Oh okay, all right.
Eva Gross: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: So, umm, and I only hate this because I am going to... Usually, I don't have to guess and... Uh, based on someone that I know. So now I feel like...
Christine Schiefer: Uh but again...
Em Schulz: Oh man, the friendship test is really gonna prove...
Christine Schiefer: Again, I think you're the only one who's gonna be good at this. I don't think I'm gonna understand how to play. I think you're going to win, but we'll see. We'll see if either of us.
Eva Gross: Well I... And again, considering I put so much... Uh so basically what I did is that I, I pulled the two stories that I did pick of real and current list... I mean, who knows, current... Real listener, real life listeners. Umm, I put their stories into a do... A Google doc. So all three stories are in the same Google doc.
Christine Schiefer: Uh-huh.
Eva Gross: So they're labeled like story one, story two, story three.
Christine Schiefer: Gotcha, okay.
Eva Gross: And then as best I could, I put the, like subject line, their name, pronouns, their email contact, like all of that I put into the top. So it looked like you got the similar info that you would get from...
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Eva Gross: An email, like the actual email format. So.
Em Schulz: You had to, you had to... So what you're saying is you...
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm. Mm.
Em Schulz: Chose your own pronouns here is, as... And I think Eva's gonna...
Eva Gross: Oh, that's true, too.
Em Schulz: Maybe Eva picked different pronouns. See, I'm already getting to it.
Eva Gross: I know...
Christine Schiefer: I know, see, we're... We're overthinking. We're overthinking. We should just read it and go with our guts.
Em Schulz: Like Eva picked the time. [laughter] I bet the time has a fucking clue in it.
Christine Schiefer: It's probably something so stupid...
Em Schulz: It says, subject. And then when it came... When it came in, oh my god, I'm so... Oh my god, Eva.
Christine Schiefer: It's gonna be like uh, Lemon's birthday. And I'm going to have to try and remember, February 19th... Not that I forgot. It's February 19th, if anyone's wondering...
Eva Gross: The time you birthed... The exact time you like birthed Lemon... Yeah yeah yeah. Exactly.
Christine Schiefer: The time that I birthed him, yeah. So it was a home birth in an Airbnb.
Eva Gross: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Anyway, let's get to this. Should we just read them, Eva? I'm getting... I'm ge...
Em Schulz: Eva, this is sick.
Christine Schiefer: Eva, Em's like swinging the pendulum so far. Em's like, I fucking hate this...
Eva Gross: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: And then like, wow, I'm so proud of you, Eva. And then, like, let's fucking get to this...
Em Schulz: I can be proud and scared at the same time. Everyone relax.
Eva Gross: Honestly...
Christine Schiefer: But it's almost like you're angry and proud. Like it's like you're angry at her, but also proud of her, which is a weird combo. Like I've never really witnessed this combo.
Eva Gross: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: Two emotions can exist at the same time. Mmm. All right. Let's see.
Eva Gross: Take, take it to Jordan.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I'll tell Jordan all about it afterwards. I am impressed. You went through a lot of work, but man, I am about to analyze the shit out of you. And this is not how I planned my day, so.
Christine Schiefer: Well, I already feel bad for the people who did submit stories and we're like, this is fake. Eva made this up. [laughter]
Eva Gross: You know, I... I really didn't think about that part, I am so sorry [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I'm like, Tom isn't real. It's all a lie! [laughter]
Em Schulz: Oh, Eva.
Eva Gross: I forgot one last part. I forgot one last part. They are all three. They do have a theme, all three of them together...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, for god's sake.
Eva Gross: Umm, they're... [laughter] They are all lady in white stories. The end. You know.
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Oh!
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: All right. I love that we get the theme.
Eva Gross: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I'm so glad we don't have to figure that out.
Eva Gross: Yeah, yeah.
Em Schulz: That would've been a... That would've been an awful, if there was two mysteries. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I just... [laughter]
Eva Gross: No, no. Yeah. I figured that needed to be said upfront. I already forgot because of the ghoulish energy.
Em Schulz: For, for a second, I was afraid that maybe these two stories had nothing in common. And then the story you write gives them a theme. Like...
[laughter]
Eva Gross: [gasp] Oh...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. You were the, like Venn Diagram in between. Yeah.
Eva Gross: I was, yeah, I was the, the, uh, the crux of it all. Who knows? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not.
Em Schulz: Oh, Eva. You have put my brain on a rollercoaster. [laughter] Umm, let's go, I guess...
Eva Gross: Get into it.
Em Schulz: I, I think I'm gonna be able to figure you out.
Christine Schiefer: All right.
Eva Gross: [gasp]
Em Schulz: I want to be able to figure you out...
Eva Gross: Now I'm really nervous.
Em Schulz: And I'm gonna be so disappointed if I can't.
Eva Gross: I'm really nervous. Okay.
Em Schulz: Oh... Okay. Af-afterwards, can you come back on and we'll...
Christine Schiefer: All right, keep Eva off just because the...
Em Schulz: In front of you? The...
Eva Gross: No, I was thinking that. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Okay. I just, for, uh...
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Just for sound purposes, 'cause I think you're not on like a mic, right?
Eva Gross: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: So. Okay...
Eva Gross: I'm not on a mic...
Christine Schiefer: So we'll kick Eva off now...
Eva Gross: Yeah, yeah. I was gonna say that, too.
Christine Schiefer: And then at the end, we'll bring her back, [laughter] for the reveal.
Em Schulz: Thanks for all your work, Eva. Go away.
[laughter]
Eva Gross: Happily. I'll just, like, sweat here by myself. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Get out... Get out of here!
Eva Gross: All right. Bye. I miss you already!
Christine Schiefer: Ugh, there she goes. There she goes, our little lady. All right, Em. I guess, let's, uh, dive into this nonsense.
Em Schulz: Yes. Uh, I am excited to... You know what, I, you know what it is about this is that I don't feel like a fool yet, but I think this game will turn me into a fool on April Fools' Day and I'm about to become [laughter] even more involved with the theme of the day, as I devolve very quickly in this game.
Christine Schiefer: So you just kind of, like, feel an impending sense of...
Em Schulz: Foolishness.
Christine Schiefer: Foolishness.
Em Schulz: Foolery. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. Foolery. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Like Eva said, happy April Fools' Day. I'm going to make you face your own foolery today. And I'm going to... Uh...
Christine Schiefer: That's, that's a good point.
Em Schulz: I'm gonna hold a mirror up to you for once and, and...
Christine Schiefer: Ugh.
Em Schulz: And it's deserved.
Christine Schiefer: How dare you?
Em Schulz: Maybe that's why I'm so, uh, oh, vulnerable currently about this.
Christine Schiefer: Vulnerable?
Em Schulz: I'm like, oh my god. I'm about to, I'm about to find out just how foolish I am. I like to be in a fantasy land, where I don't actually know, but today, today the truth comes out or the boos comes out as, uh, Eva has put as the title of this game. So, would you like to go first or would you like me to go first, Christine?
Christine Schiefer: Why don't, why don't you go first?
Em Schulz: Okay. I... Okay. Yes. Uh, immediately, we, we would've at least picked up on the theme, 'cause the subject is, Is the lady in white my grandpa? [laughter] And this is from...
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Love that. And this is where immediately, my brain starts overthinking everything because the preferred name and pronouns are America, she/her. And that name is just unique enough where it could be someone's actual name, or Eva could be trying to intentionally trap us.
Christine Schiefer: I don't think this is Eva. My gut says no. My gut says America's a real listener.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Okay. We just... Just so we can play full detective, I'm gonna give you the timestamps and everything.
Christine Schiefer: Pfft. [laughter] Okay.
Em Schulz: Okay. Subject line, Is the lady in white my grandpa? From Saturday, March 2nd, 2024 at 4:24. Lot of twos and fours here. I see. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Mm... What's Eva's angel number? We could use that for our...
Em Schulz: 33.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Or 11. 11. Right.
Christine Schiefer: Wait, what? Is it?
Em Schulz: Isn't it? Oh, no. We did, we... I-in numerology, wasn't it, uh, it has a 3...
Christine Schiefer: I think it... I think, you know, I think you pick your own, or I think you have a personal angel number. I don't think it has to do with your birthday or anything. I just didn't know if, if Eva has a specific number.
Em Schulz: Oh oh oh.
Christine Schiefer: Like, you have 2, you know?
Em Schulz: Hmm. Yeah. This is 3, 2, 2, 2, 4, 4, 2, 4. It's all mental.
Christine Schiefer: This is crazy. People are gonna scream at us. This is like so unhinged what we're doing right now.
Em Schulz: This is a lot. Can you imagine if we did this every episode though? Oh my god. We... No one would ever listen again.
Christine Schiefer: No, we, we'll get fired.
Em Schulz: Okay. Your story. "Dear Gio's loved ones... " Okay. [laughter] Okay. "I have about a bajillion ghost stories under my belt." Eva does have a bajillion ghost stories in her uh email account. Okay? "I have about a bajillion ghost stories under my belt. Too many to live comfortably, but here's one that gave me some real heebie-jeebies. It's a bit of a two-parter, so buckle up and enjoy. This happened a few years ago when I was 16. One of my friends, Celeste, invited me and my best friend Marley, to sleep over at her house. We had had many a sleepover together, but never at her house before. The three of us had decided to go for a drive. So it was me driving, with the other two girls sitting in the backseat together. We were about to head back to Celeste's house, but right as we were about to turn into her driveway, we decided to do one last loop around the block. As soon as we started to turn onto the next street, I heard my friends screaming from the backseat. Marley started crying and saying she watched us drive through someone... "
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "But Celeste said, she saw a man standing on the side of the road and just screamed because Marley scared her. Upon further questioning, I was told that there had been a woman in a long, old timey wedding dress, crossing the road, and that I had been... And that I had driven through her," which I can't imagine driving through a person, that... Okay, we'll break it down in a second.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Okay.
Em Schulz: "Celeste told me the man she saw was wearing a suit and a top hat and he was just staring at us." Yuck.
Christine Schiefer: Eugh.
Em Schulz: Uh, "I hadn't seen either of them, so naturally I drove back around down that same street and ended up seeing the lady in white standing on the side of the road... "
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "Sort of halfway into the trees. It was definitely eerie, but I hadn't just been told I had... But I... If I hadn't just been told essentially that I'd hit her with my car, I would've thought it was just a lady in a vintage dress walking around."
Christine Schiefer: Oh, shit. So then your friends were like, hey, that's the lady you just drove through.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck? Okay.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Uh, "What's weird is that not even a month later, I was hanging out with my other friend, Emily, who lived a few streets over from Celeste. Little bit of context here. Emily has always been very in tune with spirits and can tell you immediately if a spirit is around, as well as if one is good-natured or not."
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. It sounds like she just screams... Oh, wait, no. Or was this a different friend?
Em Schulz: Yeah. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Nevermind. [laughter] I was like...
Em Schulz: Maybe they all do.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Uh, "We were driving back to her house and I ended up turning down that same street where I saw the lady in white. I immediately felt my stomach drop and came to a complete stop in the middle of the road. Without thinking I said, is it safe? To which Emily said, no. And burst into tears."
Christine Schiefer: Oh god!
Em Schulz: "When I tell you, I have never turned around a car so fast in my life, as [chuckle] as we were... As we started speeding down a different road, I noticed Emily kept looking behind us through the back windshield. I turned to yell at her to stop that... "
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "And that she was scaring me when I realized she also had her shoulders hunched all the way over around her ears, like up to her ears."
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: "It was easily the most terrified I've ever felt. And when we got back to her house and had laughed it off a bit, she told me she hadn't been turning around to look at the road behind us, she was looking in the backseat... "
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "Where she could feel someone holding the back of her neck."
Christine Schiefer: Oh, [laughter] oh no. Oh no! It's coming from inside the car.
Em Schulz: Oh! "PS, my grandpa always grabs the back of mine and my siblings' necks to mess with us, hence the subject line."
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Wow. Okay. Wow. Okay. I get it. Wait, so was there no goodbye? 'cause I feel like we're gonna need, like uh every clue we can get.
Em Schulz: "Bye bye. America."
Christine Schiefer: "Bye bye." Okay. That's... Mmm. Okay.
Em Schulz: "Bye bye. America."
Christine Schiefer: Okay. All right. Should we assess now or should we continue reading and then assess?
Em Schulz: I should... We should do a, a mini assess.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Mini assess. Uh.
Em Schulz: Umm, it's interesting that the names start with C and the other one has an E.
Christine Schiefer: Correct.
Em Schulz: But there's also one...
Christine Schiefer: The names got me too. Yeah.
Em Schulz: There's also one whose name starts with M.
Christine Schiefer: M, Marley. Yep.
Em Schulz: C and M.
Christine Schiefer: And don't Celeste and Marley kind of seem like made up names? America's gonna be like...
Em Schulz: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: These are my friends, you assholes! [laughter]
Em Schulz: America, Celeste, and Marley is a combination of names you usually would not hear together. I don't know why...
Christine Schiefer: But the...
Em Schulz: But there's gotta be like a, there's gotta be a random name in the middle of the friend group. You know?
Christine Schiefer: But then Emily, I don't know if, if Eva would've thrown Emily in there. That seems kind of like a...
Em Schulz: That feels a little, a little, uh, twist of the knife-y to me. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Right, doesn't it? Yeah. I don't know. Umm, if, if it is Eva's story, I'm gonna fire her.
Em Schulz: I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: So, good luck.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: You know, and then go, April Fools' or...
Christine Schiefer: Just kidding.
Em Schulz: No?
Christine Schiefer: You can come back on April 2nd.
Em Schulz: Umm, what an evil game. We can play evil, too. Umm.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You've challenged the wrong pe... The wrong fools. Okay.
Em Schulz: You know, I gotta, and I don't mean this, uh, negatively, Eva, I mean this with love, but I don't know if a story you would conjure up could be that scary. You know, it...
Christine Schiefer: That was pretty damn scary. So, yeah, you're right. That was pre... Like the... I... The plot, but it is a plot twist and she is a writer, so I'm like, maybe she...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Was seeking a plot twist, you know?
Em Schulz: The end... And Eva is... Is a smarty. I, it's not that I don't think you couldn't, I'm just thinking this story is particularly freaky. So, like...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, I agree.
Em Schulz: I would, I would have to be, I would be... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, Eva.
Christine Schiefer: Eva.
Em Schulz: I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: All right. I'm gonna read story number two before we get too in the weeds. All right.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: This subject is called, Nobody believes us: A story about ghosts and disappearing houses. This, see, this might be something. This is from Jessie, he/they, so a double pronoun.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Eva knows I love a double pronoun.
Christine Schiefer: And Eva knows none of those are her pronouns. So I don't know. I don't know.
Em Schulz: Mm.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, okay. We got Wednesday, September 20th, 2023 at 1:00 PM.
Em Schulz: Part of me is like, read the email. Read the email address.
Christine Schiefer: Read it.
Em Schulz: It's for everybody. It's so...
Christine Schiefer: I kind of want to, because it is, uh, it's very specific. [laughter]
Em Schulz: It is very specific.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, you see it? Yeah.
Em Schulz: It's... It's a... Yeah. It's a very specific email. And uh there's...
Christine Schiefer: It would take, like a lot of... A lot of internet creativity to come up with this email. It's...
Em Schulz: It... It feels like an email that was overthought if you're coming up with a fake email...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. [chuckle] But it also feels like someone's just random real email. So it's hard to tell.
Em Schulz: I know. I know.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. "Hi, guys. My fiancee recently introduced me to your podcast and like a sane person, I have been listening from the beginning." Thank you. "I'm about 80 episodes in and don't listen to anything else." And now we're just like, are you fake? Are you real? And he's like, I just joined. [laughter] I don't know what's happening. Umm, "I'm about 80 episodes in and I don't listen to anything else. Before I get into my story. I just wanna say, even though I'm studying to be a pastor, I'm not a priest, but I am writing this from my office at the church, which is also haunted. Almost every morning when I come in, the lamp in the corner of my windowless office is on, as if someone left it on for me, so I don't have to enter a dark room."
Em Schulz: That's nice.
Christine Schiefer: "Now for my story. When we were younger, my stepsister and I used to like to go explore haunted places around Halloween time. Usually, it was just hanging out in the country cemeteries around where we lived in rural Wisconsin. Well, one year we decided to go to the abandoned Blackburn house we had heard about, that kids from the local high school used to party in. We had heard that it was full of antique furniture, and it was like the owners had just up and left... " This sounds like a slaughter pen, right, Em?
Em Schulz: It's literally sounds like maybe Eva is...
Christine Schiefer: I don't know. I mean, it's also kind of a, I feel like a...
Em Schulz: It is a, a timeless tale. A classic.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Right. Right. Like it's, it's definitely a familiar tale. Uh, "Like the owners had just up and left, leaving everything behind. So we drive out to this house way out in the middle of nowhere and pull into the driveway. It was one of those where it made a loop in front of the house, and there was a big oak tree with a circular bench around it in the middle of the driveway." How charming. "We were sitting there in the car in the middle of the night, right outside the front door, trying to convince ourselves that we should get out of the car and go into the house. Neither of us felt like we could open the doors. As we sat there and we were looking into the woods, we could see little white lights moving around the trees. It was late in the fall when we were out there, so it definitely wasn't fireflies.
Christine Schiefer: It was almost like they were guarding the house. After probably 45 minutes, we decided to leave. As we pulled out of the driveway and started down the road, we passed by an old machine shed, where we both saw this huge blue ball of light. I slammed on my brakes and backed up so we could see what it was. No matter how much we looked, there was nothing in there there that could have reflected that light back to us. The shed was just full of rusty farm machinery. Finally, we left and drove back into town and decided to drive around the cemetery, you know, like any sane person would do in the middle of the night. As we drove around the cemetery, we came to an intersection. While we were deciding which dis-direction to turn, my stepsister looked out the passenger window and the headstone that was directly next to my car had the name Blackburn on it."
Em Schulz: Ooh.
Christine Schiefer: "It was the guy who used to live in the house we had just been to." Ew! Sorry. That's freaky. "We both looked at each other, freaked out by the coincidence. Then saw this dark figure coming toward us down the road. We started to book it toward the exit and along the fence row, we saw a woman in a white Victorian dress walking alongside us, as if she was protecting us from the dark figure." What the F.
Em Schulz: Mm-mm.
Christine Schiefer: "Well, fast forward a couple of weeks, my stepsister and I decided to go back to the house during the day. We drove all the way out there and found the driveway and pulled in. What was weird is when we got to the roundabout part of the driveway, there was no house there... "
Em Schulz: Oh, hell yeah.
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck? Okay. "We got out and looked around to see if we could figure out what happened. However, there was no trace that there had even been a house there in years. It was just an empty space, completely grown over by prairie grasses. The only thing that was there was a small hole in the ground." A small square hole in the ground, like an ox well... Nope, that's not what that says. "An old well that had been filled in with rocks. Everything else, the tree with the bench, the mailbox, the old machine shed, that was all there just like it was the night we went out there." Okay, this... That's really weird. That's really freaky.
Em Schulz: It's like the ghost of the house was there for you.
Christine Schiefer: Yes. Yes. And I... It's so freaky. I wonder what would've happened if they got out of the car and like actually went...
Em Schulz: And went in.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. 'Cause I feel...
Em Schulz: Yeah. That's like a Goosebumps episode. Like you get trapped in a house.
Christine Schiefer: Ew! It is, like you could disappear or something. "Anyone we tried to tell our story to refused to believe us and says we just made the whole thing up. Others who have lived in the area for most of their lives have said there has not been a house there for as long as they could remember, and that it had always been an empty clearing in the woods, but we both saw the house and know that it was there. Sorry for the long email, but it seemed like it'd be a fun story for you to do in a listener episode. Maybe you won't believe us either." I promise. We do. Unless you're Eva, then we don't. But...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: What if that's the twist this whole time? We... Nobody believes me. Well, we don't either. So...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Umm. "It would be a fun story for you to do. Maybe you won't believe us either, but I have hope that there's someone out there who will finally believe our story. Jessie." For now, Jessie, I half-believe you; until I figure out confidently that it's you, Jessie and not Eva, then I'll believe you.
Em Schulz: Jessie, the fact that you came here seeking like reassurance and we're saying, I don't know if I wanna give it to you, is crazy. Umm.
Christine Schiefer: We're saying we don't know if you exist, which is the wildest thing to say to somebody who emails you, are... Are you even a real person?
Em Schulz: I will say, you know, when it comes... I will say when it comes to like haunted houses in that the house itself appears, 'cause I've heard stories like this before.
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: And some people have actually gone in. Umm.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: But they find out later that they were just walking around in an empty field and like they were...
Christine Schiefer: So, like the neighbors were probably like, what the fuck? They're like, [laughter] taking stuff up...
Em Schulz: They're like fully hallucinating.
Christine Schiefer: Touching the walls there's nothing there...
Em Schulz: Climbing up stairs that aren't there.
Christine Schiefer: Oh god. Yeah, that would be embarrassing.
Em Schulz: It's probably like... Uh, hmm. Okay, so what are we thinking about this one? I...
Christine Schiefer: Okay. I I like this one a lot. I, I wanna believe this is real 'cause that is quite an incredible story. Umm.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: I don't know. I mean, I love the coincidence of the cemetery, the gravestone being... It's almost like you went... Ended up at the gravestone. He was like, I'm right here. And then you were drawn back to the house to find out it wasn't really there. Like, it feels almost like there was a whole plot. Umm, I don't know. What do you think?
Em Schulz: Like a beginning, middle, and end?
Christine Schiefer: Mm. I said that out loud, I went...
Em Schulz: Mm.
Christine Schiefer: Wow. What a nice narrative structure this has.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: You know what's so sick about Eva? Is that like she reads...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, go ahead.
Em Schulz: She reads thousands. By, by... At this point, she's read thousands of listener stories.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, for sure.
Em Schulz: And she, she knows what the average writing would look like of our listeners.
Christine Schiefer: Yes. That's the scary part is that she could sew camouflage herself.
Em Schulz: She... Yeah. Because then part of me is like, oh, this just feels like a normal story. But I'm like, that's exact... That's like the best disguise is to be like, don't they say like, even when you go like, like into spy school or something...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: It's like, it's like keep your identity as close to your real one.
Christine Schiefer: It's like stick as close to the truth as you can.
Em Schulz: This feels like just a... Like a not, and I don't mean to poo-poo on the story. I'm not. I'm just saying like, uh in terms of writing, this feels like a Joe Schmo, like an average story. Like I'm just like, oh, maybe like, umm, it may, it could just be Eva just trying to like blend in with everybody else 'cause it's a good story. But it... It's, I, I'm reading so much into how it's written and for... Eva, you have turned me into a looney tune within two stories.
Christine Schiefer: I thought like for some reason, Eva and I both thought you'd be the sane person in this.
Em Schulz: I, I did, too. Now I'm like...
Christine Schiefer: You really devolved.
Em Schulz: Oh, Eva would do that. But then what if Eva thought I would clock it and then she'd do the opposite...
Christine Schiefer: Like, that's usually my job is to overanalyze and think and talk. And you're just like taking on the duty for me. I love it. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Oh. Well, okay. Hopefully, we, uh, uh, even in the beginning where it says, "I just wanna say, even though I'm studying to be a pastor, I'm not a priest... " I feel like there's like nods to like, maybe like...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. But it's also like...
Em Schulz: Ordained minister.
Christine Schiefer: Thanks, priests. You know, I think that's probably why they said it.
Em Schulz: Shit. You're probably right.
Christine Schiefer: Which is a joke from like so long ago. You know? I don't know. Okay. You read the next one, 'cause I'm gonna lose my mind if we don't know very soon.
Em Schulz: Okay. I hope this one really...
Christine Schiefer: Clarifies.
Em Schulz: Fi-fills it out...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: For us. Okay. Subject line, Return to Sender, Florida Mail instead of Florida Man, Discovers Local Ghost edition.
Christine Schiefer: Florida male, like M-A-L-E, male?
Em Schulz: M-A, M-A-I-L. Oh, that would've been funny. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh. I thought you meant male instead of man. I was like, oh wait, hold on. Okay, sorry. So say it one more time, for my ears.
Em Schulz: Return to Sender, Florida Mail Man but instead of Florida Man, it's Florida Mail Man.
Christine Schiefer: Oh mail man. I'm sorry. I get it. Okay.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Uh "Florida Mail Man Discovers Local Ghost." Okay. Uh from Lizzie, I-E, Lizzie, an I-E Lizzie, who uses she/her pronouns.
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: And, uh, January 4th, 2024 at 6:43 PM.
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: "Howdy, lemons."
Christine Schiefer: Hmm.
Em Schulz: It feels like a personal attack. Yeah. Okay. "Howdy, lemons. So let's crack into it." Already using a few too many things, I think.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm.
Em Schulz: "My husband is a skeptic. I feel your pain, y'all. Sorry, Blaise and Al Pal. Uh it's super annoying because I've been able to sense things from at least one of the other sides since I was little. I've even dragged him on ghost tours in our area before. And while I was shivering from a ghostly cold and feeling generally ill, he was on his plane looking up the local on atmospheric pressure... "
Christine Schiefer: On his plane?
Em Schulz: Huh?
Christine Schiefer: You said he was on a plane?
Em Schulz: Yeah. "I've even dragged him on ghost tours and while I was shivering from a ghostly cold and feeling generally ill, he was on... "
Christine Schiefer: No. He was on his phone. [laughter]
Em Schulz: "He was on his phone." Sorry, did I say plane?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. [laughter]
Em Schulz: That's so stupid. Why did I do that?
Christine Schiefer: I don't... I don't know. I said, he was on a plane? And you said, yep. And I said, wait, what? [laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah, my brain really fully ran with it. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: He was on his phone.
Em Schulz: "While I was feeling cold... "
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: "And generally ill, he was on his phone looking up the local atmospheric pressure and lunch spots to debunk what I was feeling and whether... Uh, as weather and blood sugar." Umm.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, [laughter] rude.
Em Schulz: Which feels like something Blaise and Allison would do of, like, oh, it's just the altitude. You're just feeling sick.
Christine Schiefer: Rude, very rude. Yes.
Em Schulz: "But onto my story, that I'm mostly stealing from my husband because to be honest, it's lost on him. [chuckle] We live in a very small town in central Florida. So when I tell you my husband as one of the... As one of only a handful of local pastol... " Oh my god, why can't I read? She's fucked me up. Eva! Okay. Okay. [laughter] I'm like, I'm literally trying to literally read every...
Christine Schiefer: Are you?
Em Schulz: Every word.
Christine Schiefer: I'm actually worried now. I'm worried about you now.
Em Schulz: While also reading every word.
Christine Schiefer: Don't read into it. We'll read into it after. Just read it.
Em Schulz: Ah! "Onto my story that I'm mostly stealing from my husband because to be honest, it's lost in him. We live in a very small town in central Florida. So when I tell you my husband as one of only a handful of local postal workers knows everyone, I mean, he knows everyone. I'm not using his name because I love the town gossip [laughter] and I don't want to get him in trouble. But let's just say the tea is piping, but that's an anonymous story for another time." Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: "Anywho, I would always hear him complain about this one house, in particular, which it was already weird that he didn't know anything about the owners. He said it seemed abandoned, mail would pile up, and he'd have to eventually bring it all back to the post office in chunks and fill out redeliver forms." Uh what happens, uh, fun fact though, what happens when your mail person can't deliver to your mailbox anymore? So, they fill out redeliver forms. This feels like, umm. Okay, I can't even do this right now.
Christine Schiefer: Don't even start. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: "Well, one day over dinner, my husband way, way too casually tells me that he actually saw someone at the house today. I'm like, tell me more. Tell me everything. And he still entirely too nonchalantly says something to, to this effect, uh I, I forget the exact wording because I immediately got goosecam and yelled at him for not calling me when it happened. He still entirely too nonchalantly says, a weird looking lady in an old torn up white lacey gown was staring at me from the window."
Christine Schiefer: Ew!
Em Schulz: Yeah. That's something that you ponder. You don't just pass... Say in passing.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, a what... A torn up white lacey gown. Yeah, that's already big red flag.
Em Schulz: "He said she watched him shove another batch of letters into the mailbox, but when he backed up, she was gone."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: Umm, "so obviously, the next day, my nosey ass just happened to be in that part of town and literally how had... How had I never seen this house before? I immediately knew which house it was." So, so she knows what house it is, even though she's never been there. "Being small town Florida, most of the houses in our area are cute one-stories, uh screened-in porches. We've all seen Golden Girls. Well, when I tell you that this house was straight witch house vibes."
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: "It just adds Spanish moss," uh woof. "I could also immediately feel this was the right house. Even more than being out of place, it just felt off, if you know what I mean. Kind of a cross between the feeling of people you can't see staring at you, and that goosecam-y cold feeling I get when I know that there's some sort of spirit around."
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: "At this point, I was like, okay, great. I'm here, now what? When all of a sudden, I saw her too."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "She was definitely straight up a weird old woman in a torn lacey gown. But unless my husband forgot to mention this part, uh she had her hand raised and was holding what looked like a damn wax-sealed envelope towards me." Like she can't get...
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: Any of the mail her husband's coming with, but she can hold her own envelope out to you.
Christine Schiefer: Like maybe she's just been waiting to mail something special out. If that's...
Em Schulz: [chuckle] Oh, thanks. Since you're here. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I, I forgot to RSVP to this wedding in 1962. Can you take this to me to me? From, from me?
[laughter]
Em Schulz: "I was so shook that I noped out of there so fast and I immediately called my husband, and of course, he didn't believe that she was a ghost and especially didn't believe me about the dramatic way she was trying to hand me a Victorian envelope, as I was a... As if I was a carrier pigeon."
[laughter]
Em Schulz: "And listen, this goes both ways because he basically hung up on me for not believing that he doesn't deliver wax-sealed envelopes to that house when he does deliver mail there. Either way, I hope she's able to deliver her message someday. I just don't really want to be the person to do it." So that's her story.
Christine Schiefer: Well, you should have thought about that before you showed up, looking in the window, and now you're offering your services and it sounds like you gotta get your postal bag and send that letter.
Em Schulz: "So that's a story of how my husband is a skeptical Florida man who discovered a local ghost. I hope you enjoy my local... My little local lady in white story as much as I enjoy your podcast, I can't wait to see you all the next time you're in Florida. From Lizzie Bizzie."
Christine Schiefer: Hmm. This one's Eva.
Em Schulz: This one's Eva.
Christine Schiefer: No doubt.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Eva, we got you. We nailed you.
Em Schulz: I was trying to think about it. Halfway through, I think I've...
Christine Schiefer: And also...
Em Schulz: There's too many... There's too many nods about us.
Christine Schiefer: Is... Eva, is that you?
Eva Gross: You got me. [laughter] It's me. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yay! Okay, so we just basically shit all over the first two stories. Okay. Here's what I'll say, Eva, just if, like...
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: When we're giving the... Okay, so first of all, Em, quick note. You did not read all the times Eva wrote hubs and other fun things that like really would've added to the...
Eva Gross: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: The flavor of the story umm because when I saw hubs, I was like, [laughter] this is Eva. There, like... Eva wrote hubs to be like cutesy.
Eva Gross: Really?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Eva Gross: Oh my god!
Em Schulz: Oh really? I wouldn't have thought that at all.
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause I was like...
Em Schulz: I thought, because, I thought... I, mine was that this was a Florida man story. Nobody calls Allison, Al Pal.
Christine Schiefer: Yup. That one. Al Pal got me.
Eva Gross: No. Okay. That is not true. So many... [chuckle] So many people call her Al Pal. Truly so much...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, interesting. Okay. 'cause...
Eva Gross: That was one thing that I was like, if I'm going to reference, I gotta go all in. So I did a ton of them...
Christine Schiefer: All right, fair.
Eva Gross: Because honestly, when people do... But you're right, you're right. It was the ti... It was the tip off. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I think, uh...
Em Schulz: And then uh comments, there was uh... And then, howdy, lemons. I was like, wow.
Christine Schiefer: And then...
Em Schulz: Immediately this feels...
Eva Gross: Damnit!
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: And then also the Golden Girls line. I don't know, I just was like, this feels like...
Eva Gross: Really?
Em Schulz: Really?
Christine Schiefer: Eva written all over it. Yes. I just was like...
Em Schulz: Oh...
Eva Gross: Ah.
Christine Schiefer: Not that it feels like Eva, it feels like Eva trying to be a list... You know what I mean?
Eva Gross: Someone else?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Em Schulz: I, also, the... Uh, you know, what was the... Was the, the real deal for me was, uh, goosecam-y.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, that too.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Goosecam-y.
Eva Gross: Really? Oh my god...
Em Schulz: Goosecam-y.
Eva Gross: People say... That's so funny. 'Cause people, I thought I would get away with the lemons and the goosecam. 'Cause honestly, so many emails have those in there. Maybe I just read too... Maybe reading too many tripped me up.
Christine Schiefer: I think maybe you put so much of the energy of the stories in, that like, it ended up being like the... [laughter] The peak... [laughter]
Eva Gross: Too much?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, like, like a, a combination of all of the like, fun little...
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Kitschy stuff. I really enjoyed it though. And I'm a little bit sad that...
Eva Gross: Oh good.
Christine Schiefer: The Victorian ghost lady is not real but, umm...
Em Schulz: You know what? I, uh...
Eva Gross: Do tell me.
Em Schulz: What? Uh, 'cause I feel like this was a, uh, this was like you had a whole plan or a whole backstory. Is there, did you have an idea what was in the envelope?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. What's the, what's the story?
Eva Gross: Oh! So you know what, I did totally... So as I was writing it, I was like, oh. And it was funny, I read it to Ray and she said too, she was like, how... What's her job? Like how old is she? And I was like, you know what's funny? I thought of her as older. And Ray was like, I know, she is older. [laughter] I was like, how? We don't know.
Em Schulz: Oh!
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Eva Gross: So I don't know what is in the envelope, but I knew that, that... I think I put more thought into, umm, Lizzie Bizzie over here. I thought you would get that, Christine...
Em Schulz: Lizzie Bizzie was good.
Eva Gross: Because the, like...
Christine Schiefer: I liked it.
Eva Gross: I feel like you do that with my name. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I call you Eva Beva and I call myself Christina Beana. And so Lizzie Bizzie...
Eva Gross: Oh yeah. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I was like, mm. Pretty spot on. I love that though. I was like, that's actually very cute.
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Em Schulz: I will tell you, as, as a reader to the author, I like to think that the, uh, envelope was to her own funeral.
Eva Gross: Oh! What a [unclear conversation].
Christine Schiefer: What a fancy invitation to your funeral... [laughter] The wax-sealed...
Em Schulz: A wax-sealed envelope. You get one last letter to send to people, you better make the... You know?
Eva Gross: That's true.
Christine Schiefer: Do you send it? Don't other people send it? 'Cause you're dead?
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I'd like to think that people would put the effort into it with a wax seal. You know?
Eva Gross: That's true. I did think, umm, there was a [overlapping conversation].
Christine Schiefer: All right. When you have yours ready, just give 'em to me. I'll mail 'em for you.
Eva Gross: Yeah, [chuckle] yeah. I did get to the end.
Em Schulz: Eva, that was such a good story.
Eva Gross: Yay! Oh, I'm so glad. It was really fun to do. You know?
Em Schulz: How long did it take you to write that? Also were there, were there, umm, Easter eggs in the time or anything? Or did you just kind of guess?
Eva Gross: No, I tried to make the time really... Since the other one... The pastor one was really like 1:00 PM on the dot. I was like, oh, I, I think I need to make this one, like just a random time...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Eva Gross: But I did look up to see if Thursday wa... Or January 4th was a Thursday, [laughter] just to...
Christine Schiefer: Oh good.
Em Schulz: Oh...
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause I...
Em Schulz: Oh, that's a Christine move. Good call.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. That was like, I should... I...
Eva Gross: Yeah, yeah.
Christine Schiefer: But when you said you put a lot of thought into that, I was like, I'm not gonna catch her on that. I'm not...
Eva Gross: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause she's, she's too smart for that.
Eva Gross: I also even like...
Em Schulz: That's smart though. I wouldn't have even thought about that.
Christine Schiefer: Man.
Em Schulz: But that's such a, I have to catch Christine in the act, move.
[laughter]
Eva Gross: No, I literally, that's like the only thing I was thinking. And I even wrote it all out. I like put them all in another doc and I wrote it, and then I copy pasted the whole thing. 'Cause I was like, technically, you could have just gone back through the edits to...
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: Oh.
Eva Gross: And then you would've seen me editing that story. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: That's so smart, Eva. If I had...
Em Schulz: And it was the fact that...
Eva Gross: Well, I thought you would do it. I was like, I, Christine is so good at that shit, it's like I gotta be on it...
Christine Schiefer: If I wasn't so sure... If I had more time and it wasn't on the show, I probably would've just like to... To double check my work, I would've gone and checked. But...
Eva Gross: [laughter] Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: So smart.
Em Schulz: I, umm...
Eva Gross: I learned from the best.
Em Schulz: I gotta say, I feel like I just lived in chaos for the last 45 minutes, but [laughter] I can't imagine the chaos your brain went through writing this...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, what the fuck?
Em Schulz: Trying to perfect it. So.
Eva Gross: Yeah. It was, umm...
Em Schulz: I got nothing on you.
Eva Gross: It was, it was a lot. And I did overthink it quite a bit. [laughter] But I'm glad that I got to throw you into some foolish stories and April Fools'.
Christine Schiefer: And I, I also wanna add, if we did not know that you had submitted one of these, I never would've questioned any of it. Like, I just would've assumed...
Em Schulz: No.
Christine Schiefer: They're all, just to be clear, like we were on the...
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Lookout for any sort of...
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: But if somebody had just sent this, I would've been like, oh, it's just another submission. It, it did not come across as Eva...
Eva Gross: Well, also...
Em Schulz: I...
[laughter]
Eva Gross: Yes. Yes. I did try to think, I was like, should I tell them that I wrote it specifically or should I just say that someone in the... 'Cause originally I was like...
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Eva Gross: It became too big. But I was like, should I have like...
Em Schulz: It became too big?
Eva Gross: It became too big. I had to [overlapping conversation].
Christine Schiefer: You're out of control!
[laughter]
Eva Gross: Should I have like Allison write one and submit it... Blaise... I was gonna go behind your backs to your partners.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: God! [laughter]
Em Schulz: I would've loved that.
Christine Schiefer: Next year, can we do that? 'Cause that would be really fun.
Eva Gross: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe next year. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Umm, I, I gotta give you props, uh, on that. What was the joke that made us laugh, Christine?
Christine Schiefer: Umm...
Em Schulz: Oh, uh, that you were... That she was handing you a Victorian envelope, like a carrier pigeon.
Christine Schiefer: That was good.
Eva Gross: Oh yeah?
Em Schulz: Like you're...
Christine Schiefer: That was really good.
Em Schulz: That was good.
Christine Schiefer: Nailed it.
Em Schulz: Good line. Good line.
Eva Gross: Thank you. Thank you.
Christine Schiefer: Aw, Eva.
Em Schulz: Uh, well, thank you. I, luckily we were not the fools this time.
Christine Schiefer: Huh!
Eva Gross: No, yeah.
Em Schulz: But I, I feel like this is, this might not be the last time that you give us a, a silly little challenge and I will probably feel good. So...
Christine Schiefer: And, uh, America and uh, who was the other person? Jessie...
Em Schulz: Jessie.
Christine Schiefer: I'm so sorry that we just accused you of being fake people [laughter] this whole time and your stories are very creepy. And...
Em Schulz: Especially when Jessie's like, please believe me, and we're like, I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: And we're like, not yet. Prove yourself. But now Jessie, I absolutely fucking believe you 'cause I have heard about disappearing houses and it's one of the freakiest things I've ever heard.
Em Schulz: See, I thought, for sure, Jessie was going to be the... I thought you were gonna be Jessie. 'Cause I was like, it's too obvious to put yourself at the end.
Eva Gross: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: But then I was like... But then what if you double think it, and then you definitely put yourself at the end.
Eva Gross: Mm-hmm. That's what I did.
Em Schulz: So that was...
Eva Gross: I was like, gotta put that in there. And I thought you might think that's why I picked... Well also, 'cause that story was very scary. But I also was like, pastor, like there were a couple little nods in there...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Eva Gross: That I was like, this feels like it could throw them off a little bit.
Em Schulz: And it says, please believe me. And I'm like, begging. You know. [laughter]
Eva Gross: Trying too hard.
Christine Schiefer: I'm like, oh. No. Jessie, I believe you. I really actually do.
Em Schulz: Aw.
Christine Schiefer: So if you, if you needed that validation...
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I have it for you here. I do believe you now that you...
Eva Gross: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I know you're not Eva in disguise. [laughter]
Em Schulz: But good job, Eva.
Christine Schiefer: Good job, Eva.
Em Schulz: Yay!
Eva Gross: Yay!
[applause]
Em Schulz: You did a very good job. Uh...
Eva Gross: Thanks. Just thought that'd be fun.
Em Schulz: That was a fun idea.
Christine Schiefer: It was.
Em Schulz: I, it never even occurred to me...
Eva Gross: I don't know...
Em Schulz: That we should be put on the spot...
Christine Schiefer: It didn't look like Em was having fun at all. But, uh... But I can assure you, we both were. [laughter] So... [laughter]
Eva Gross: Watching and not have fun.
Em Schulz: I was having fun on the, uh...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's kind of like being on tour. I can have fun while panicking also.
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: So...
Eva Gross: That's fair.
Em Schulz: That's what was going on.
Christine Schiefer: That's a beautiful paradox, Em. I love that.
Eva Gross: Sure, sure.
Em Schulz: A paradox. Yeah. That's what Eva likes to put me in all the time. It's a big fat paradox.
Eva Gross: Two things can be true at the same time.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Uh, well thank you, uh, to Eva, and I hope everyone has a good April Fools' Day...
Christine Schiefer: Yup. Be careful out there.
Em Schulz: Month of April. Umm, if anyone tries to fool you, you know...
Christine Schiefer: You're not alone.
Em Schulz: May be right about it or... You're not alone. That's a good way to put it. 'Cause umm, we are obviously, uh.
Christine Schiefer: We're on the lookout ourselves. So.
Em Schulz: We're... We're patient zero, thanks to Eva on that. So, uh, anyway, thank you. If you would like to submit future stories, you can to our website, andthatswhywedrink.com, and happy April.
Christine Schiefer: Happy April. We love you.
Em Schulz: And.
Christine Schiefer: That's... Eva.
Em Schulz: Eva.
[laughter]
Eva Gross: What.
Christine Schiefer: We... Eva, go ahead.
Eva Gross: April Fools'!
[laughter]